AITAH for letting my chronically late wife miss an event she was looking forward to by not rushing her, because I wanted her to face consequences? ?

A Redditor shares the story of how he finally decided to let his chronically late wife face the consequences of her actions by not rushing her to an event she’d been looking forward to. Frustrated by years of managing her lateness and constant photo sessions, he chose to follow through on his previous warning, but it led to a heated conflict. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for letting my chronically late wife miss an event she was looking forward to by not rushing her, because I wanted her to face consequences? ?’

My wife (32F) and I (31M) have been together for 5 years. I’m fed up with my wife’s chronic lateness to many things. It’s really annoying and grates on my nerves. To her, it seems like no big deal because I always manage to rush her by telling her the time of an event 45 minutes earlier.

She’s never noticed EARLIER because she’s too caught up with herself, constantly taking photos. That’s the reason she’s always late. She has a decent following on Instagram and is looking to grow as a “content creator.” I find it really silly how she turns everything we do into a photo session, and at this point, I’ve stopped agreeing to take her photos altogether.

We’ve had several conversations about this. I’ve told her that it’s mentally exhausting for me to always have to stay on top of making sure we both get ready according to plan. But she never really does anything to address it.

This time, I wanted her to experience the consequences of her actions. This month alone, we’ve been embarrassingly late to events 2 times, and this time was the first she realized I hadn’t been honest about the timing because I used to give her an ETA 40 minutes earlier. A week ago, I told her I wouldn’t be doing that anymore and that I expected her to act like an adult and be more responsible.

It was her birthday this weekend, and I got her tickets to an event featuring several performers, including her favorite artists in the first act. This time, as I’d already told her before, I didn’t give her the extra 40-minute buffer. I expected her to remember our conversation and store that information in her head to plan accordingly.

Instead, she did her whole influencer routine—decorating our room, setting up studio lights, dressing up, and taking photos. The whole time, I knew she was missing out on her favorite artist because she didn’t take me seriously. It was so ironic that I didn’t even feel like reminding her. I’m done with the mental burden of always rushing and planning.

We arrived, and she realized what had happened. She got upset and started crying, asking how I could do this to her on her birthday. She said it seemed like I was liking the rise it got from her and asked why I couldn’t set my “ego” aside for one day.

I told her this was on her, I’d already made it clear I wasn’t going to rush anymore, and she should have listened the first time and expected me to follow through, unlike her. She said the whole point of the event was to see the performances of those artists, who we’d just missed. She was incredibly upset and kept crying off and on during the event.

The ride home was awkward. I was in the downstairs restroom when she texted me saying I wasn’t welcome in the bedroom that night. I ignored her message and went in while she was changing.

She looked like she wanted to kill me, and I simply told her that her saying I’m not welcome was irrelevant because it’s my room too. If she’s uncomfortable, she could take the couch. She ended up leaving to visit her mom, and I’m considering whether I was an a**hole?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Alternative-Bat-2462 −  NTA but how did it get as far as 5 years married? I wouldn’t go past the 3rd date for someone who didn’t value my time as well as anyone else’s.

upset_pachyderm −  NTA. This would infuriate me, and I wouldn’t have put up with it as long as you did. She’s an adult; she can figure it out if it’s important to her.

Worldly_Act5867 −  The irony of her mentioning YOUR ego!

CaptainFresh27 −  My wife has adhd and struggles so hard with punctuality. I on the other hand, have childhood trauma and one of my learned behaviors was intense punctuality and get panicky when I’m late to things. So thats a whole thing

[Reddit User] −  NTA. What are you doing dating someone with a highschool mentality at 32? She sounds insufferable. I assume she’s hot, or you’d see that more clearly.

Significant_Kiwi_608 −  So I honestly would be with you except for the fact that you chose to teach her a lesson ON HER BIRTHDAY. I mean I don’t blame you for being sick of the situation and for warning her, etc. But it feels unnecessarily mean on your part to want her to ‘face the consequences’ on a special day.

You said she’s already been late 2 times this month so why choose THIS hill to die on? I’m gonna go with ESH based on your choice of when to get her to face consequences.

grayblue_grrl −  NTA. People who run late never understand why it is a big deal. And people who manage everything to get them where they are are exhausted by the time they get to where they need to be. You are just too exhausted to deal with the b**lshit. Expect her to stay at her mother’s until “you apologize”.. BUT NEVER apologize for it. Be prepared for a siege and seriously think about what your future looks like.

Snackinpenguin −  NTA. She finally realized the consequences of her delays/lateness. Hope the influencer routine was worth it for her that evening. She has become dependent though on you, and you’re now facing the wrath of having her go cold turkey without a time buffer.

Tight-Library5672 −  I mean NTA but did you have to do it on her bday lmao that’s wicked

kiwigeekmum −  MILD ESH. She’s TA for her behaviour negatively affecting you. It’s frustrating and exhausting that you’ve had to take on the mental load of managing/parenting her. Good idea to set a firm boundary that you won’t be doing it in the future and she needs to set up systems/processes to manage her time.

(I have ADHD & a symptom of this is time-blindness, so I understand how hard this can be! But ultimately we need to learn to manage ourselves.) Having said that, this has a bit of a “teaching her a lesson” vibe which is always super icky. There’s a difference between natural consequences, vs setting someone up for failure.

Was her BIRTHDAY really the best time to make a stand on this?? Did you not want her to enjoy her birthday?? I feel like this was not THE event to (allow her to) spoil. Unless you just straight-up don’t like her. Maybe she’ll learn to get ready on time in future? Pretty sure that she’ll learn her husband would rather make a point than help her have a good birthday

Was he justified in letting his wife miss her favorite performances to show the impact of her chronic lateness, or was it too harsh, especially on her birthday? How would you handle the situation if your partner’s tardiness caused similar issues? Share your thoughts below!