AITAH for letting my brother, who i’ve raised since he was an infant call me mom?

A Redditor (29F) shared her story of raising her three younger brothers after their mother’s passing and their father’s absence. Her youngest brother, who she’s raised since he was an infant, naturally calls her “mom.” A coworker found this strange, sparking workplace gossip and debates. Is it odd for her brother to call her “mom,” or is this a natural reflection of her role in his life? Read her story below.

‘ AITAH for letting my brother, who i’ve raised since he was an infant call me mom?’

apologies if im not using this correctly i have never used this app before lol. i (29f) have a very s**tty home life. my mother died when i was 8 and my father has been horribly absent since then. i have 3 younger brothers 26m 22m and 17m but this will be mainly about my 17 year old brother.

once my mother died i started raising my two younger brothers and did literally 95% of the work. the only thing my father did was give me money weekly for me to buy food and other necessities for us three.

when i was 13 my dad brought home my youngest brother who was a few months old. i didn’t know he existed much less that my father was seeing someone. me and my father had a horrible fight that night and we have rarely ever talked since then.

now, i 100% raised all three of my brothers. but with my eldest brother let’s call him jake, he remembered a life before our mother died for the longest bit. he resented me his whole life, the classic “you’re not my mom” s**t when he was junior high age. so i never viewed him in a son role and he most definitely never viewed me in a motherly role.

with my middle brother, let’s call him sam, he was a baby when our mother died. as he grew up he would occasionally call me mom but i would shut it down mostly and remind him of our mother and that im just “sissy”. he definitely viewed me more in a motherly role than jake did but he still viewed me as a sister.

with my youngest brother however, let’s call him henry. he 100% views me as a mom and i look at him as my son. i know im not his mom but i know absolutely nothing about her. i have her first and last name but cannot find anything about her anywhere. when he was young and started calling me mom i would try to remind him that im not his mom im his sister. but after a bit i just gave up.

now here’s the issue at hand. i was on my break at work yesterday and i texted the group chat with my husband (30m), daughter (10f) and henry asking what they wanted for dinner and what they wanted picked up from the store. henry texted “just some chips, thanks mom 🙂” and i thought nothing of it. then my coworker (24f) looked over my shoulder and found it very strange that my brother was calling me mom.

i would say that me and this coworker are decent friends. we’ve gotten drinks a few times after work and i’ve talked to her a bit about my family life. i tried to explain to her yesterday our situation and how ive raised him since he was 3 months old but she just didn’t budge.

she then went around our job telling others that my brother calls me mom. i really don’t understand why this is an issue and why other coworkers are “picking sides” but i would say 60% of the people she has told agree and think my brother calling me mom is strange, while the others just don’t give a f**k which, fair.

i’m just simply not understanding the issue to this and i’m genuinely wanting talks opinions lol. apologies if this is all gambled and messy it’s currently 6 am and i have just woken but but had to get this off my mind. thanks internet.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

edebby −  NTA. Your co-wokers are idiots. He was given to you when he was a few months old, you were the mother figure in his WHOLE awared life. Other than the fact he is your half-brother on paper, you are in fact, his mom. He cried to you at night, got comfort from you, was fed and cleaned by you. He know no other parent other than you.

Can I just add that people like you are so aspiring to me – the amount of strength and self sacrificing that were needed to raise your brothers is insane by every measure, and only a woman of steel can pull this off.. live happy and prosper

toosheeptheorist −  NTA – it’s none of your co-workers business what your brother calls you. The only people whose opinion matters are the involved parties – you, your brother and the rest of YOUR family.

SmurfettiBolognese −  NTA.. it’s a massive compliment, to your ability to raise your brother, that he’s comfortable giving you the title, for the position you fill in his life. I called several people Uncle and Auntie growing up, but they weren’t ‘real’ family, they were my parents friends.

They treated us like we were their real nephew and nieces, so deserved the title. No-one but you and your brother have a right to have an opinion about what he calls you.

It’s awesome that he feels that way about you, ignore the cruel remarks, and keep being the best Mom that you can, to your daughter, and your brother xx Wishing you and your family a wonderful Christmas xxx

red_poppy_1710 −  NTA. Does your coworkers also go to foster kids and adopted kids and complains about them calling their „not bio parents“ mom or dad? That’s just stupid. You raised him. You ARE his mother. Much more than the women that birthed him.

I think your coworker just can’t wrap her head around how you were able to raise three kids at such a young age, because she would not have been able to do that. Tell her to shut the f**k up until she has walked in your shoes.

Complex_Storm1929 −  NTA. Your coworker is an ass. People with good home lives can never understand what you went through. Most kids are selfish (because they are kids) and would not step up like you did. He sees you as his mom and you gave him something you never had. Good for you.

Lionkid2251 −  NTA – your coworker shouldn’t be looking at your texts anyway, it’s just an i**asion of privacy and it has nothing to do with them, just ignore the People. 🙂

Vast_Reaction_249 −  Using her logic, my daughter who is adopted, shouldn’t call me Daddy.. You are his mom.

buttercupgrump −  NTA. Your coworker sounds awful. There’s no reason for her to be caring this much about something that literally doesn’t affect her.

tinfoil-8385 −  She definitely should be reported for spreading your personal information

cassowary32 −  NTA. Why does your coworker even care? You were parentified since you were 8 and you still managed to create a loving bond with your brothers and create a life and family of your own, that’s amazing! Some people would decide they are done with child rearing the moment they hit 18 and leave their siblings to fend for themselves (which is totally their right). Did you ever find out what happened to Henry’s birth mom?

Do you think it’s unusual for someone to be called “mom” when they’ve filled that role? Or should people respect how families define their relationships? How would you handle judgment from outsiders in a situation like this? Share your thoughts below!