AITAH for leaving my wife without a discussion after I found out she cheated? ?

A Reddit user working on a long-term contract overseas recently discovered his wife, Louise, had been unfaithful. Given his work schedule, he spends two months away and one month at home. After learning about the infidelity, he decided not to return home, instead traveling to Vietnam to avoid confronting her directly.

He initiated divorce proceedings and blocked her on all platforms. While they never mixed finances, he contributed to their shared expenses, including the apartment in her name. With his income gone, Louise now faces potential financial strain.

Friends feel he may have been too abrupt, leaving her with expenses she can’t afford. He’s questioning if he should have discussed the situation or provided some support, given her dependency on his income for the lifestyle they shared. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for leaving my wife without a discussion after I found out she cheated? ?’

I know that I am not an a**hole for leaving a relationship where my partner was unfaithful. That is normal and I would hope everyone respects themselves enough to get out of that situation. This is a touch more complicated.

I fly in fly out for work. I am currently working a contract in Africa. I work for eight weeks then I get four off. So basically I’m gone for two months and home for one. I have been doing this kind of work for about ten years now. I had a house but I was never there and it didn’t make sense to rent it out since I would not have a place to stay when I needed it. So I sold it.

I stayed with my parents and simplified my life to the point where other than my car and one set of formal clothes for weddings)funerals I could carry everything I own in one piece of checked luggage and my carry on.

I met Louise three years ago. We hit it off and nstarted dating. She seemed okay with my lifestyle and it was nice having someone to come home to. We got married last summer. I found out this September she was cheating on me.

When I got home this time I didn’t bother leaving the airport. I checked in to the hotel for the night and left the next day for Vietnam. I rented a nice place there for my time off and blocked her on everything. I also contacted a lawyer to start a divorce.

A few people got ahold of me to see what was going on since she didn’t know where I was. I told them that we were getting divorced because she was cheating on me. It happens. I’m sad but not ashamed. I didn’t s**ew up.

We never mixed our finances. The only thing that sort of matters is that our apartment was in her name. We wanted to make sure she could take care of everything while I was gone. All our bills were also in her name. Not my credit cards or anything. Just water, power, internet, stuff like that.

I would just give her money to pay all the bills. It was good because then she had her salary to pay for herself on everything else she wanted while I was gone. The thing is she can’t afford that apartment on her salary. I’m back in Africa and won’t be home again until just after Christmas.

I’m already planning on taking my parents to Europe over New Year’s so I won’t be bothering to fly back to California next time. I will just have my company fly me to Italy instead. My ex doesn’t have a lot of savings. She makes good money but she likes nice things. I liked her having nice things so I didn’t mind subsidizing her life.

Now she is stuck in a lease and has a car note that will eat up all her paycheck. Some of our friends think that leaving her in that situation without talking to her isn’t fair. That she only got the apartment because she was counting on my money for the budget.

They all acknowledge that she is in the wrong for cheating. But they think I am screwing her over too much by just leaving her like I did. Cold turkey so to speak. Do you guys think I owe her anything more? Am I the a**hole?

See what others had to share with OP:

TheHawkguymatt −  Yeah, you didn’t “leave her like you did”. You responded to a decision that SHE made. Sounds like FAFO situation to me. NTA

Cybermagetx −  Nta. She cheated. She can deal with the consequences. Discussions are there for you to get what you need. If your done youre done.
Eta your friends can pay for her. As im betting some of them knew.

enzylmz −  NTA. All trust is gone and this is the best thing you can do. “Talking” won’t change what happened and she’ll only do it to feel less guilty, don’t give her that, she doesn’t deserve it.

kmflushing −  What kind of friends want you to support someone who cheated on you? I don’t get it.

JDKoRnSlut −  NTA. Is it harsh? Yeah. Are you wrong? Nope. She FAFO. Let your lawyer take the lead here and you do you.

Captn-dk −  NTAH. Dont give her a dime, only talk to your lawyer if its with her.. You did the right thing buddy! Sorry it happened to you, but no man deserves that

celticmusebooks −  Curious, how did you find out about the cheating?

SweetSerenitySky −  You’re not the a**hole for leaving after she cheated. Infidelity is a serious betrayal, and you have every right to walk away. It’s unfortunate she’s in a tough spot now, but that’s a result of her choices. You didn’t mix finances, so you don’t owe her anything more. Focus on yourself and moving forward.

DevotedRed −  It wasn’t ‘fair’ for her to cheat on you. NTA.

forever_single_now −  NTA. Don’t get the point of view of your friends. Yes she might got the apartment counting on your money. But you were paying counting on her fidelity. So she breaking her side of the deal voids your responsibility on your part.

Something I used to counter the friends that always suggested to “give another chance”, rekindled, be understanding and whatnot was: “You know what, you are right but first let me have a little affair with your wife/gf. After that I will have a better understanding of other side while you can give her another chance.” For some reason they seam not to be that forgiving when they are directly involved.

Do you think the user was justified in leaving without a discussion, or should he have addressed the situation with his wife first? What would you do if faced with this type of betrayal? Share your perspective below!