AITAH for leaving my wife, stepson, and everyone behind to start over?

A man, 53, has been married for 7 years, with his wife cheating on him twice—first 5 years ago and again recently. Despite his suspicions, his wife refuses to divorce and wants an informal separation, expecting him to continue financially supporting her and their son (his stepson). The man, feeling betrayed, plans to leave the country and start over, but now wonders if he’s in the wrong. Read the original story below…

‘ AITAH for leaving my wife, stepson, and everyone behind to start over?’

My wife and I have been married for nearly 7 years. She cheated on me with a coworker of hers about 5 years back. I’ve been suspicious for the entire year that she was doing it again. And I was correct. Not sure with who but she lies like a rug now and takes zero response. She blames me for her actions. I’ve been an utterly trainwreck.

Depression, too much booze, anxiety through the roof. All because I knew what she was doing but she gaslit me to the point of near insanity. So, she doesn’t want a divorce but wants a informal separation. She wants me to get another apartment or house nearby to remain as a family. Our son is my stepchild.

His father died before he was born. I’m the only dad he’s ever known and he is my only child. My wife wants me to continue paying on our home (I make much more than she does) and pony up more money so she and my boy can continue the lifestyle that I have provided them for years.

I don’t want to be a cuckhold for her ever again nor do I feel I should be obligated to giver her anymore love or money. So, am I the a**hole for planning on moving to another country to restart my life at 53? Or should I stay put and continue to be treated like this?.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

deconblues1160 −  NTA- she is looking for you to simply be an ATM and continue to provide the standard of living that she is used to. Meanwhile, she wants to use the separation to do whatever she wants and see whoever she wants to. She is not concerned about you or the marriage anymore. So neither should you be concerned about the marriage or her. You need to do what’s best for you and that means not being with her.

calikid0910 −  NTA f**k her. U can send the boy clothes n stuff but don’t pay her shiiiii. Edit: spell check/ish

searchologyTM −  A few more details for all of you. I think it’s applicable. About a year and a half ago…she started going out after work. She works in a industry with a lot of 5pm to 9pm events. At some point, she started ghosting me, not being honest about where she was or who she was with.

I’d be left at home to take care of my boy. And it consumed to escalate to the point of me walking out. She made me feel insane for even thinking that she was up to no good. Finally, the evidence came…the dat before Thanksgiving. She got a Versace purse in the mail. I went to see what that would cost (as she would never spend that kinda cash on herself).

Instead of finding a receipt…I found a card with a detailed account of his love for her. It crushed me. Yeah, Thanksgiving was hell on Earth. She told me she gets gifts like that all the time and it wasn’t a big deal. (That should give you an idea of how epic the gaslights are and still remain).

searchologyTM −  Thank you my fried. I’m finding the kindness and compassion of strangers absolutely comforting.

OneChocolate7248 −  NTA – Contact a family lawyer. Protect your finances. You may be on the hook for alimony (they should really bring back at-fault divorce for low lives like your wife). You MAY be on the hook for child support, since you’ve been a parental figure for the child, and the father is dead. Not sure how it works where you live.

Please “move in the shadows”, play dumb while you get your ducks in a row. Right now, she has a lot of confidence that you’ll bend over backwards, because, well, you have so far. Let her think that, but STOP IT. Do better for yourself. Do not do anything out of emotions.

Do not try to be extra amicable/accommodating with your finances in the divorce because of “love”. It can and will s**ew you over in the long run. YTA a**hole to yourself, for taking her back. And I hate to put it this way, but you will deserve everything coming your way if you don’t take this s**t seriously and protect yourself. Get a shark of a lawyer.

These_Yoghurt6920 −  NTA to feel the way you are feeling. I’m sorry she was not an honest person. But I suggested you to consult a divorce lawyer, I don’t know where are you from but some states in U.S. is community property. Therefore, your wife might be obligated to half of your shared assets, the divorce lawyer can tell you more though

ScatterTheReeds −  NTA. Try to be supportive of the boy. 

[Reddit User] −  NTA, but you should find a way to stay in your step-son’s life.

Novapuzzle −  NTA. She disrespected u and ur relationship not once but twice. U deserve to be happy and start fresh. She doesnt get to cheat and then keep all the perks of being married to u. Honestly, moving sounds like a great way to escape the toxicity and focus on urself.

AlternativeLie9486 −  Don’t become TAH. Like you said, you are the only father that child knows. What do you think it would do to him if his dad disappeared? Divorce your wife. Please do not abandon your kid. You can pay child support. You can sell the house and cash out. You can share custody. Don’t make that little boy pay for the sins of his mother.

Is the man in the wrong for wanting to leave after years of betrayal, or is he justified in starting over and cutting ties with the family that has mistreated him? What would you do in his position? Share your thoughts below!