AITAH for leaving my relationship after he bought an apartment?

A Reddit user finds herself at a crossroads in her two-year relationship after her boyfriend’s decision to buy an apartment seemingly without considering their future together.

Despite their shared discussions about living arrangements and differing life goals, his purchase of a small, pricey apartment has left her questioning their compatibility. Was his choice an independent move or a sign of deeper issues? Read the story below.

‘ AITAH for leaving my relationship after he bought an apartment?’

I (33F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (32M) for just over 2 years. We’ve had our ups and downs, and always came back together and stronger, but recently, our biggest hurdle has become clear: he bought an apartment. We had talked about moving in together several times but couldn’t decide on where to live.

We didn’t want to move out of the city we’re currently in (we live 20km apart), and he recently changed his mind about wanting kids, while I am child-free by choice and have been verbal about this from the start – it was even on my dating profile.

This led to him buying an apartment for himself, which is 32m², overpriced, and partially paid for with money from his parents, which he actively had to ask for. He wanted to leave his previous rental apartment because he was unhappy there.

Moving in together was on the table again, but due to our differing views on location and children, it was a tough decision for me to look for something together. He was welcome to move into my rental apartment – a 2-bedroom, 75m²,

newly developed (2023) penthouse with a wrap-around balcony, parking, and a reasonable price – but he declined because he doesn’t like my city. For context, he works in my city, and the distance is only 2.5km door-to-door.

He says my city is too big, messy, busy, and lacks a nice gym (he is really into a healthy lifestyle), so he would be unhappy again. He tried finding a rental in his city but had no luck, so he started looking to buy. As I work in real estate, I went with him to view properties initially and gave my honest opinion when asked for.

This caused friction because there weren’t many good options within his price range, and he was looking at the options high in his emotions while I was being quite rational. I however was vocal about my worries of him buying an apartment and what that would mean for our relationship.

He had always said he wanted us to rent together for at least 2 years first before buying a place. His decision to buy now went against that and what he wanted for us; and that scared me.

Eventually, he started viewing properties without me, started not telling me about them, and this concluded in him calling me to say he found something and was going to buy it. After showing me videos and the listing,

I pleaded with him not to go through with it because it was too expensive for the size, he had to ask his parents for money, and it would complicate our future together. He brushed off my concerns, saying, “I just really need your support right now,” and basically shushed me.

This choice and how it was handled really hurt my feelings and damaged my trust in him and us. We took a two-week break and reconciled. I love him, and I can’t bring myself to break things off permanently.

However, now that he’s living there, it is expected of me to be the supportive girlfriend and be happy for him, but emotionally, I can’t. I really dislike being there.. It’s tiny, I have to park outside the city and take a bus with all my stuff because he can’t get a parking permit, and otherwise,

I’d have to pay €25/day for the public garage, or I take public transport door-to-door which prolongs the travel time by atleast 30 minutes, and the city itself gives heavy student vibes which I have frankly outgrown. Staying over is a just a hassle.. I have a pet that I have to leave behind, which makes me feel guilty every time I go (free-roam bunny).

And the fact that he asked his parents for money and them giving it knowing my objections, stings. I always thought I had a good relationship with them. I see them quite often and am basically at all family gatherings. I havent seen them or his other family members either after this all happened and I am dreading Christmas to be honest.

And honestly, it’s also becoming an ego thing for me. It’s just weird and hard to explain to friends/famliy that my boyfriend of 2 years which wants to live with me in the future and wants my babies, bought an apartment recently for himself with no space for me and despite my pleas not to.

Also for context, he changed his mind about having kids, saying, “If it means losing you, I don’t want kids.” This back and forth on such a life-changing decision makes me uneasy because I’m sure of my stance, while he seems uncertain. So, AITAH for contemplating breaking things off with him? Any advice? All is welcome, just be kind, please.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

scunth −  His buying the apartment is just extra noise. He wants kids and you do not, there is no way to compromise on that so it’s best you go your separate ways.

Subspaceisgoodspace −  NTA. I think the relationship is doomed. You both want such different things where you live.

bmyst70 −  He wants kids. You don’t. **Why in the world are you continuing this farce of a relationship?** That’s one thing a couple can never compromise on. What do you think will happen? You’ll have half of a kid?

OwnedByACrazyCat −  NTA – the relationship doesn’t sound fully healthy. I think the two of you should have a proper sit down discussion of what you want in the next 1, 2, 5, 10 years and work out if there is any chance of the relationship succeeding.

I don’t think I would stay with a person who makes choices without considering me, if he bought the property to be an investment/rental property that would be different but it appears he wants to live in the flat and have you move there as well.

Temporary_4634 −  NTA. He bought an apartment FOR HIMSELF. I think that says it all. It sounds like he “changed his mind” about having kids only because he needed your support. You need to move on and stop wasting your time.

leeval101 −  NTA, the relationship really is coming to an end, sorry to break it to you!

Idontlikesoup1 −  The message is clear: he bought a bachelors apartment. Conclude what you can from that.

westenra121 −  NTA. It sounds like your relationship is coming to an end, as bad as it may sound, sorry…

Turbulent_Ebb5669 −  He’s told you who he is. Do what’s right for you.

HighwayManBS −  NTA – you want different things, time to find someone who shares your values and desires.

Do you think the boyfriend’s actions were a sign of independence or a lack of consideration for their relationship? Should she have stayed supportive despite her concerns, or was breaking off the relationship the right move? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!