AITAH for leaving my boyfriend after a health crisis?

When you’ve spent 15 years building a life together, tough decisions about the future are never easy—especially when health crises and family drama collide. In this story, a 53‑year‑old woman finds herself at a breaking point in her long‑term relationship with her 62‑year‑old boyfriend.

Despite years of shared memories and dreams, differences over commitment and practical support in the face of aging and chronic health problems have driven her to a painful decision. The tension reached its peak when her partner, who has long refused to marry her or grant her basic legal security, suffered a TIA (mini stroke).

The crisis, compounded by family interference during his hospitalization, made her confront a harsh reality: she can’t continue sacrificing her own well‑being and future for a relationship that isn’t truly equal. With her finances in order and a safety net of a condo she purchased, she made the difficult choice to leave—raising the question of whether she’s the asshole for walking away after his health crisis.

‘AITAH for leaving my boyfriend after a health crisis?’

Expert Opinion

Letting go of a long‑term relationship is never a decision made lightly, especially when health crises are involved. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in relationship dynamics, states, “When you feel repeatedly undervalued and unsupported, particularly in the context of a partner’s declining health, it can lead to an emotional tipping point where self‑preservation becomes paramount.”

([​kidshealth.org]) In this case, the OP’s decision to leave was not impulsive; it was the culmination of years of feeling like she was making sacrifices without reciprocity. Her desire for legal and emotional security—like having medical power of attorney and a stable living arrangement—is a basic need in any serious relationship.

Dr. Durvasula further explains that “when one partner consistently refuses to engage in necessary discussions about the future, particularly in the face of serious health issues, the relationship can become unsustainable.”

The OP’s boyfriend not only declined to formalize their commitment but also allowed family members to override her presence during a critical moment of his health crisis. Such actions, from both him and his family, contributed to her feeling isolated and disrespected.

Additionally, family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson emphasizes that “in relationships where significant life decisions are repeatedly deferred, it is natural for the other partner to feel trapped and to consider drastic measures.” Her comments highlight the importance of mutual support and clear communication, which were evidently lacking in this case.

The OP’s decision to leave—after ensuring his immediate safety—reflects her deep need for a balanced partnership where her contributions, emotional well‑being, and future are respected. Furthermore, studies on relationship satisfaction indicate that long‑term partnerships require both partners to adapt and support each other through life’s challenges.

When one partner consistently fails to address or compromise on issues such as health planning and financial security, it can erode the very foundation of the relationship. The OP’s choice, while heartbreaking, underscores a critical point: enduring love must include mutual respect and shared responsibility, particularly when health and future security are at stake.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Many redditors empathize with the OP, noting that after 15 years, feeling unappreciated and unsupported—especially in light of a health crisis—is a legitimate reason to reconsider the relationship. They applaud her for prioritizing her own well‑being, arguing that her need for legal and emotional security is completely reasonable given her boyfriend’s longstanding refusal to commit.

In the end, the OP’s decision to leave her partner after a series of unmet promises and a painful health crisis isn’t about abandoning someone in need—it’s about choosing a life of mutual respect and support. While some might view it as harsh to walk away when a partner is in poor health, many agree that enduring love requires both parties to share responsibilities and plan for the future.

What would you do if you were in a relationship where your needs for security and commitment were continually ignored? Can true love flourish without mutual support? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?