AITAH for leaving her with barely anything?

A man ended a 9-year relationship after his partner broke up with him unexpectedly, stating she no longer loved him. During the relationship, he fully supported her financially, including covering her car, phone, and general living expenses, as she had stopped working by choice.

After the breakup, he canceled her access to his finances and retrieved items he had provided, such as a car and a laptop. When she came to collect her belongings, an argument ensued over what she was allowed to take.

She accused him of being unfair, claiming he left her with nothing. However, he believes it’s reasonable to stop providing for her as they’re no longer together. read the original story below…

‘ AITAH for leaving her with barely anything?’

I (34m) and ex (33f) broke up around a month ago. We’d been together for 9 years. She hasn’t worked for the last 7 of those 9 years. The reason is because she didn’t have to. Call me a mug if you want, but I’m very financially stable, and I loved her, I was happy to give her everything she needed and wanted,

and she’d expressed that she didnt want to work anymore, so that’s what we did, and I was happy to do so. Genuinely thought I’d found the one, so didn’t think it would ever be an issue. She broke things off with me, it was very out of the blue and devastating to me, I’ll be honest, calm as the break up was,

she didn’t seem particularly bothered when she told me she didn’t love me anymore. That was the reason she wanted to split, she’d fallen out of love with me. I was obviously upset, and honestly shocked. I asked if I’d done anything wrong, she said no, that she’d just fallen out of love with me.

And it just hit me like, OK, this is happening, there’s nothing I can do about it, but I’m also not going to grovel and beg her to stay. She’s clearly made up her mind with how nonchalant she was about it all. I didn’t want an argument,

I didn’t want a huge scene, so I told her calmly but visibly upset to go and pack some clothes and stuff and to go to her sisters house or something, because I couldn’t have her there. In that moment I also asked for her key to the house, and she got a little irritated by that, but did give it to me, then left.

The following evening, we did talk on the phone. *She* called me, I answered, we talked, though there was nothing really to talk about. I did say to her “So you really have made up your mind?” She said Yes, and that this is what she wanted.

I can’t stress this enough that I really was devastated, and her blasé and nonchalantness to the situation did irritate me because I think in this raw and fresh time, I was confused by it. How she ended 9 years just like that. But clearly, like I said, she’d obviously been thinking about it and was over her side of things emotionally.

The following couple of days, I slowly came to terms with it all, and started making plans to organise things. I took her off the car insurance for the second car I’d bought that she used as her own, and went to get it, she didn’t like that.

I cancelled her phone contract, she didn’t like that either, I’d stopped her access to my bank account, all that kinda stuff. Naturally, she didn’t like any of it, But we’re not together anymore, and I was paying for all that. You no longer should have access to any of it, it’s not a difficult concept.

Things got n**ty one night when she asked to come over and pick up some more things. I said yeah because she did still have a few *bits* here. She came over, I silently let her in and went back to the living room while she went around gathering some stuff in a suit case she’d bought with her.

She came into the living room and picked up a laptop, I said “You can put that down, that doesn’t belong to you.” And an argument then broke out. I ended up looking in her suit case and there was other things that didn’t belong to her so I took them out while she stood there yelling at me for being “petty.”

I mean, maybe so. I’d let her keep her phone at least after I cancelled the contract. And told her she can keep her engagement ring and do whatever she wants with it. I snapped at her while she was yelling at me and I said “You have NOTHING.

You have the clothes on your back in this house, your makeup, your hair dryer, your hair straighteners, you can take all that, everything else in this f**king house isn’t YOURS to just take.” She started crying, and I asked her to leave. She sent me a huge text message basically, in a nutshell, saying I was being unfair.

I don’t think I have been? I’ve been real about it all. If we had kids it absolutely would have been a different situation. But this is was two people, splitting up, one of which (myself) was paying, happily, for everything she had. We are not together anymore!

How is it unfair of me to take all that away? You are no longer my partner, it is no longer yours! You no longer have the benefit of having me to care for you financially. How is this not understood and being unfair? She now has pretty much nothing, sleeping on her sisters couch, needing to find a job again. It is what it is. And its not my problem.. 

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Hareikan −  NTA. Why on earth should she get to keep items in your home that *you* purchased? Thems the breaks when you have someone else pay for everything.

Sad-Deal-4351 −  NTA. She fucked around and found out. She’ll put up with the performamce for a while and then come to the ‘epiphany’ in a few weeks that’s she’s found herself and does love you (and the house and the not working and getting stuff ofcourse) and you should get married.

LacklusterPersona −  NTA. I was in a very similar situation. A long story short: I got cancer. I guess that was too much for them and they wanted out of the relationship. I didn’t fight them too much. We’d been dating only a couple of years.

But let me tell you, they felt super entitled to all sorts of things that were not theirs. They ended up with a suitcase of their things, and nothing else. They tried to take me to court over the return of items, but the whole thing ended up being thrown out. You got this, man. Reach out if you need support.

RainyDay747 −  Whatever you do, don’t ever again have s** with this woman.

Several_Advantage_79 −  You’ve been super generous for years, but when she ended things, it’s only fair to cut the financial ties. She had a choice, and now she needs to deal with the consequences.

Late-Champion8678 −  I don’t understand. She has every right to break up if she wasn’t in love anymore but…what did she think would happen? You’d continue to bankroll her life as a platonic bff? What was her plan here? Has she had a recent head injury?. Of course you’re not the AH.

RoadWarriorMaddMaxx −  She was naive and clueless. A b**ch slap lesson in life

Trishshirt5678 −  Why do women do this to themselves now? Granted I’m older, but I always made sure that I was bringing in enough to support myself, then later, myself and my kids, because you never know what’s coming. This was all during my happy relationship with my children’s father.

Why risk your own future because you want to cosplay some fantasy version of the 1950s? Obviously I feel for op, he must be devastated (please don’t let her back) but he still has the life that he worked so hard to build and he can lean on that to get him through while she has nothing! And it’s her fault!

parodytx −  You did right. But she must have been REALLY clueless or just plain stupid not to figure out before hand that this would be the result. Every other conniving b**ch I’ve ever encountered would have cleaned you out before “the talk” ever happens.

Atwfan −  NTA. I lived with a boyfriend for 5 years when I was in my mid-late 20’s. He was 40. He owned the house, a boat, computers, etc. He renovated the house, took private flying lessons, etc. He owned a bar and earned his money.

I had nothing, really. But I worked and paid for my own phone and personal bills, like car insurance, and I paid for the household groceries. When we broke up I simply walked away. I would never have dreamed of expecting to take anything from him that he had bought or invested in.

By him choosing not to get engaged or married, he made it abundantly clear that he did not want that type of financial entanglement. As a 41 year old now myself, I totally get it. He was a smart guy. And he established his boundaries early and often so I respected it then, even though I was really sad that he didn’t want to marry me.

Was he being fair in taking back what he paid for and severing financial ties? Or did he cross the line into pettiness by leaving her in a tough spot? What responsibilities, if any, do ex-partners owe to each other in such situations? what do you think? share your thoughts below!