AITAH for leaving a date and not paying for her food?

A Redditor recounts a disastrous first date where a series of red flags—including complaints about the venue, accusations of cultural insensitivity, and dismissive comments about their studies—culminated in the decision to leave mid-meal. After enduring personal insults and condescension, the Redditor quietly left the restaurant, paying only their share of the bill. The date then accused them of being rude and leaving her without a way to pay for the food. Read the full story below to get all the details and weigh in on the situation.

‘ AITAH for leaving a date and not paying for her food?’

I (21M) recently went on a date with Stef (21F). We met on Tinder and messaged for a couple days before Stef asked me out for a drink, which I agreed. We hadn’t spoken too deeply, mostly about music and hobbies, but I figured it’s better to meet in person and see if there’s a vibe rather than text and potentially waste time.

So we meet up and things are going OK at first, but got pretty hostile quickly. As I mentioned, Stef asked me out for a drink and she picked the place. About 20 minutes after we got there, she started to complain about the place nonstop. She didn’t like her drink, she didn’t like the staff, she didn’t like the decor. I asked if she wanted to go someplace else, where we were there’s like a dozen other places within a 5 minute walk.

She gave a big sigh and said no, this was fine. I asked what made her pick this place? She said she’d been there before a few times. I thought it was really weird she was complaining about a place she picked and she’s been here before, she knew what to expect. I asked if the place had changed recently or? And she said no.

Sort of a red flag, but I let it slide and we continued talking and things did get better. We connected on a few things and spoke for about an hour or so. I thought things had turned around basically.

I asked at this point if she was hungry and she said yes. I said I knew a good sushi place just down the street if she wanted to go there. I suggested sushi because in her bio on Tinder, it mentioned she loves sushi, and we had texted about it earlier how we’re both fans. She agreed she’d like that. I picked up the bill for the drinks and we went to the sushi place and again, things were going well for about 20 minutes and then her attitude changed.

She asked me why I brought her here, to this restaurant? I didn’t know what she meant, it wasn’t run down or cheap, it was a nicer sushi place if anything. She explained she thought it was weird I brought her specifically to sushi because she’s Asian. I said I suggested sushi because she had sushi her in bio and we’d spoke about it as well, it was something I knew she liked. She insisted it was because she’s Asian.

I said to her this isn’t even the same kind of Asian you are, this is Japanese and you’re Vietamese, those are two pretty distictly different cultures. She then said it’s still Asian so it’s the same thing. I said no it’s not. But she insisted it’s Asian, so it’s the same. At this point, I was pretty done with Stef. I thought I’d just finish the meal, leave, and wouldn’t need to see her again.

I was pretty quiet and she asked me about school. We hadn’t really talked about it much although I knew we’re both in university. I said I’m doing my undergrad thesis now as I’m in final year. She asked me about it and I said I’m basically doing interdisciplinary studies focusing on philosophy, law, and mixing some technology in there as I’m writing about one’s ‘self’ online and the legality of online identity.

She began to laugh and said she never head the word ‘interdiscplinary’ before, I must have made that up to sound smart or something. I pretty much ignored the insult and said she can just google it if she’s not sure what it is. She kept giggling about how I made up a word. She said she was getting a ‘real degree’. I asked in what? She said literature.

I snapped back at this point and said I was surprised she had such a weak vocabulary if she thinks I’m making up words and is a lit major. Yes, I probably shouldn’t have been sassy like that, but I was so done with this girl at this point. She said again, at least she has a ‘real degree’ and asked what I’m going to do after graduating. I said probably law school, I’ve already applied I’m just waiting to hear back in the new year.

She laughed and said I was wasting my time with more school? She had a job lined up at her dad’s company doing HR or something like that, I can’t remember what she said exactly. She started laughing about how I’m probably broke and will have a mountain of debt, while she has a nice job lined up.

At this point, I got up, went to the front and paid my portion of the sushi and left. I didn’t say I’m leaving, I didn’t say anything to her. I just got up, paid, and left. About 5 minutes later she texts me asking where I am. I text her saying I left.

She starts blowing up my phone saying I’m rude and I left her there and she doesn’t have money to pay for the sushi. I said not my problem, I thought I’m the broke one? She is calling me, texting me. I just block her number and go home. AITAH for leaving her without a means to pay?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Accurate_Prompt_8800 −  NTA. She sounds like a nightmare date and overall a horrible person. She spent the whole date belittling and demeaning you, you handled the situation calmly and respectfully. Honestly, I’d have left a *lot* sooner than you did…

darkenough812 −  NTA. If this is forreal she sounds comically evil.

DelayHefty644 −  NTA. She showed multiple red flags and was straight up disrespectful.. Let’s break it down: She picked a place she knew and complained about it. Made r**ist assumptions about your sushi choice despite it being in her bio. Mocked your education and career plans. Bragged about nepotism while insulting your financial situation.

You paid for drinks and your portion of food. That’s fair. She asked you out initially, picked the first spot, and then acted entitled. If she can afford to be smug about a cushy job at daddy’s company, she can handle a sushi bill. Her lack of planning isn’t your emergency. Pro tip: Next time bounce at the first red flag. No need to sit through that kind of treatment.

francethefifth −  NTA. If she invested half as much time into bettering herself and her attitude as she did into belittling you, she probably grow into a decent person.

Sebscreen −  NTA. She displayed at least 4 distinct u**y personality traits.. Stef asked me out for a drink. Well, there you go. Now all the sexists who typically hide behind the technicality that the man asked the woman out to mask their gendered belief that the man should pay regardless can invent another reason to blame you.

Endless_Pretzels −  NTA. You did your best to carry to conversation and the date. In future, stick with a drink, or coffee, that way you can see if there’s a connection/ chemistry and if she’s into you, especially if you’re feeling there’s a potential red flag. Once you realised it wasn’t working out, you paid your portion and left. You’re under no obligation to pay for her food or drinks

monsterseatmonsters −  lol and NTA. I’ve had some crappy experiences with guys behaving the same as her and I wish I’d had the guts to just walk out.

Synthhead77 −  ” I snapped back at this point and said I was surprised she had such a weak vocabulary if she thinks I’m making up words and is a lit major.” ”She starts blowing up my phone saying I’m rude and I left her there and she doesn’t have money to pay for the sushi. I said not my problem, I thought I’m the broke one?” NTA and this was beautiful to read, handled like a champ!

Ready-Huckleberry600 −  NTA. Lol’d at the fact that she invited you out, but did not bring any money to pay for her self. She was looking for a free meal if i had to take a guess.