AITAH for laughing in my mother’s face when she said my stepsister planned my 18th birthday?

A Reddit user shared their frustration over a birthday surprise gone wrong. After planning their 18th birthday party with their father and stepmother, they discovered that their estranged mother and stepsister had secretly planned a completely different event, full of activities they disliked and attended by people they hardly knew.

A heated confrontation followed, leaving the user questioning if their reaction was too harsh. Read the full story below to decide if their response was justified.

‘ AITAH for laughing in my mother’s face when she said my stepsister planned my 18th birthday?’

The article has the next update at the end.

A little background: my mom and dad separated when I was 6 and each went their separate ways. Of course, they had joint custody of me, but they both started new families: when I was 9, my mom married a man (let’s call him Robert) who already had a daughter (let’s call her Keira) who was two years older than me. My dad got engaged when I was 8 to a wonderful woman (let’s call her Layla) who he married when I was 12.

My relationship with Layla is beautiful, she has truly been a mother to me: she basically helped my dad raise me, she takes an interest in my life, she comfort me, she advice me, we have common interests and we do many activities together.

She and I recently talked about the possibility of having her legally adopt me as soon as I come of age (doing so now would be a bit messy legally because of my parents’ joint custody) because, for me, she is my real mother and i want it to be official.

My relationship with my bio mother, on the other hand, is almost non-existent. Even though I was forced to spend specific days with her, we never managed to bond because she spent all her time giving attention and affection to Keira (who already have her own mother).

Even when she tried to involve me in some activity, she always included Keira and we had to do only what Keira liked. At a certain point I started to decline her invitations and often asked if I could avoid going to her on the set days because I was almost always ignored or left aside and I preferred to stay at home with my father and Layla.

My father always tried to understand me but he also had to honor the rules set by the judge; when I got more mature he admitted that he was afraid that my mother might make some mean move in court if he agreed to not let me go to her on the appointed days (yeah, this is something my mother would do). After knowing this, I understood my father’s reasons and I absolutely don’t want to put him in trouble, so I didn’t make such requests anymore and I respected my schedule.

Now let’s get to the point: in two weeks I will finally turn 18. I was lucky because my birthday falls on the days i have to stay with my dad, so he, Layla and I started planning my birthday a month ago: it will be nothing too crazy, just a party with family and friends at my favorite pizza place. A casual night where I just want to have fun with the people I care about and do what I like (the place also has karaoke and I love singing).

Of course, after booking and setting everything up we sent out the invitations and this extended to my mother as well. Honestly, I didn’t really want her there, but then I thought that this would actually be the last time I was forced to be involved with her because, once I turn 18 I won’t be forced to follow the judge’s rules anymore. So we sent out the invitations 2 days ago and we already had almost all the answers, so we could organize the precise number to send to the pizza place.

The only thing missing was my mother who saw the text and did not respond. I told my father that I would not insist and if she did not respond, then it meant she did not want to come and I was fine with that. I think my father was also a little relieved by the idea, even if he didn’t say it openly but i could see it on his face.

Anyway, the drama started this afternoon: my mother called me, very angry, accusing me of being childish and that I shouldn’t have planned anything without telling her first. This left me a little confused and I reminded her that I ALWAYS planned all my birthdays with dad and Layla, most of the time she didn’t even remember, so complaining now was quite hypocritical.

This make her even angrier and started attacking me because Keira had been crying ever since I sent the invitation to my mother because she had already planned a whole birthday party for me.

And i was really speechless because the relationship between me and Keira is zero: she is the classic spoiled brat who always wants to be the center of attention and my mother has always supported this behavior of hers, making it worse, and clearly she and I have never gotten along. I just didn’t understand why the hell Keira wanted to organize a birthday party for me, it didn’t make sense.

I asked her why she did it and especially why she did it without telling me. I mean, she didn’t really think I wouldn’t make any plans for my 18th birthday, right? It was ridiculous. My mother said it was supposed to be a surprise, and since I didn’t tell her about my plans, she thought I didn’t want to do anything for my birthday. And I mean… she could have asked? No? No.

But here comes the worst part and, I admit, the one that made me lose my cool: my mother started listing all the things Keira had prepared for my party (maybe to rub in my face what I would have missed) and they were ALL Keira’s favorite activities! Things that I didn’t like!

She had booked a fish restaurant for launch and I don’t eat fish. Not because of some whim but because it make me feel sick: just smelling fish makes me feel nauseous. I’m not allergic (I had it checked), my body simply rejects it. She also booked an afternoon activity at a ranch near the city where my mother now live where you can ride horses and… well, I don’t like it. I have nothing against horses in particular, but the idea of riding one or getting really close to an animal that big scares me.

Then she thought about going back to my mom’s house for a backyard barbecueb for dinner and I just don’t want to do that because I don’t want to spend more time with my mom than I have to.

My mother also said they had already sent out invitations to everyone and at that point i was really speechless but I had to aske her who she had sent them to because my friends, my dad and his family hadn’t received anything… it turns out that at the party was mostly invited to Robert’s family, my mom’s family and Keira’s friends.

I mean, it was basically a party organized by Keira for herself but under the pretext that it was for my birthday. Sooo… I didn’t hold back anymore: i laughed in my mother’s face and hung up the phone. It was all too ridiculous to be true, come on.

My dad came to me a little while ago, saying that my mom called him mad because I laughed in her face when she told me about the party they had organized for me and he was very upset about it. He was starting to say that, despite all the feelings I had for my mom, they were trying to do a nice a thing for once but I stopped him right away and explained in details how the party had been organized, a detail that my mom apparently left out with him.

His expression changed quickly, he just said “I’m going to make a phone call” and I’ve been hearing him yelling at my mother for at least twenty minutes by now.

Layla came to me after learning about the situation and said that as much as she could relate to me, I was a little rude to laugh in my mother’s face and hang up without explaining; for her, I should have spoken out like an adult despite my feelings and sort things out in a civil and mature way. She wasn’t angry, just a bit disappointed about how i acted.

As soon as she left, I thought about my actions and maybe I was a little hasty but I don’t think talking to my mom about it would have helped honestly. But maybe I could have handled it better? I’m starting to think I was a bit of an a**hole in that moment…

Update here: https://aita.pics/SjeXN
Update 2: https://aita.pics/tLodV

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

AcuteDeath2023 −  I mean, what did she (the bio mum) think was going to happen? You were going to grovel and accept the crumbs being thrown your way? Answer is: she wasn’t thinking. She was just going along with Keira, same old, same old.

The thing is, people like that just rely on people like you to just keep on keeping on, without any sort of pushback. And when the inevitable pushback happens, they can’t handle it. Could you have been more polite? Yeah, probs. Was it fully justified? Oh hell yeah. You are NOT THE A**HOLE.

This internet stranger is proud of you. Proud of the way you sucked the situation up and just dealt with it when you had no choice. Proud of the way you have formed a close relationship with your father and stepmother. And proud as hell for you standing up for yourself. Best wishes for a wonderful birthday. Xxx

GovernmentBusiness −  You are about to be an adult! Not only exciting but it sounds like things will get better for you since you can decide who to spend your time with. Sounds like your mom and stepsister are just attention seekers

Hemenucha −  I think I would’ve laughed too. I get that the important adults in your life want you to be more compassionate, but you’ve really taken a lot of crap from your bio mom’s side of the family, and all you’ve done is laugh? IMO you were exceptionally well controlled. If it makes your situation better, offer to apologize for laughing, but stay firm on your birthday plans and let your stepsister have her party without you.

choppedliver65 −  You deserved the laugh. NTA.

EfficientSociety73 −  NTA because sometimes petty deserves petty if that makes sense. Your mother was being petty by letting Keria have a party for YOUR birthday. That is what this was. And then she got upset because you weren’t willing to tow the line and do what Keira wanted so it made your mother look foolish.

While I agree that being grow up about it would be good, I don’t think it would have resonated in quite the same way. And your mother is behaving like more of a child than you by tattling to your Dad and trying to make YOU look bad. I’m sorry. Enjoy the party you planned and let mother enjoy hers with her new family.

Ok_Bit1981 −  I appreciate Layla’s words, but your mom and her demon step-spawn are making this about them. I would sit both your dad and Layla down, and explain that while you understand their points, you are about to be an adult and you’re tired of keeping the peace. Keeping the peace has led you here, and unfortunately, resolution is not done unless met with confrontation.

From there, you three can come up with a plan; that plan needs to be about how you navigate boundaries moving forward and how they as your support system, need to back you up and respect your decisions. Your mom needs to learn there are consequences to her actions when you were growing up.

Time to stop enabling her self-absorbed behavior. It’s your life to control now; make the best moves for your future and LAUGH in their faces as you succeed. Not the a**hole, my friend. While it pays to be nice, that doesn’t mean you don’t demand respect in return<3. Edit: grammar.

Salty-Contact4371 −  NTA.  My sister’s burst my moms bubbles all the time.  But sometimes she needs real talk and not fake nice talk about the weather. 

FryOneFatManic −  If it’s only 2 weeks to your 18th, why bother being around your mother? You’ll have long since passed the age of 18 by the time she can make any move in court. She has no hold over you now.

judgingA-holes −  NTA – Honestly, you mother wouldn’t have taken it any better had you said “I won’t be attending a party that is supposedly for me that has nothing that I actually like to do, food that I can’t eat, and people that I don’t like” and then laughed in her face and hung up. So I think the laughing in her face and hanging up without the explanation was justified.

Cursd818 −  NTA. You are allowed to laugh at someone who has neglected and replaced you. I get what Layla is aiming at, but she’s wrong. People who treat you terribly deserve to be mocked when their failure is pointed out. Turn the other cheek and take the high road are lovely ideas in principal, and they should be followed most of the time. But not thi time. Your “mother” has completely failed you for ten years. Laughing at her was the right move.

And I’d like to point out that the judge won’t do anything if you don’t go to your mother’s house anymore. Feel free to skip any remaining days you’re supposed to be there. If she calls rhe police, they will shrug and do nothing, and if she calls her lawyer, he will remind her that you’re almost 18 and no court will even hear her out. If you want to cut her off now, go ahead.