AITAH for kicking SIL and her wife out of my house for calling me transphobe?

A Redditor recounts a heated family dinner that spiraled into chaos over differing views on gender identity. After the birth of their son, the user’s sister-in-law (SIL) began to challenge the way they referred to the baby, insisting on using gender-neutral pronouns.

The situation escalated when the SIL accused the user of being transphobic, prompting a furious response and ultimately leading to the SIL and her wife being kicked out of the house. Now, the user grapples with whether their reaction was justified, as their husband and in-laws express disapproval. Read the original story below to see how a simple family gathering turned into a battleground over identity and respect.

‘ AITAH for kicking SIL and her wife out of my house for calling me transphobe?’

Not sure this is the right website but I feel that i have to vent and ask for judgement because this is becoming very infected. Also this is a throwaway. I had my son 3 months ago and it’s been the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced. I love him so much.

SIL started making remarks since I found out that it was a boy that I was being backwards assuming that he was a boy and she got very agitated whenever I said “he” and she insisted I didn’t know. In the beginning I laughed it off and told her not to worry.

If he says otherwise I will respect that bot for now he’s my baby boy and the odds are (I’m a math teacher and my husband always finds it hilarious that I start talking odds) but the odds are that he will still be a he. When my baby was born she started calling him they and them. I ignored it. She could say whatever really.

Yesterday she and her wife, MIL, FIL, BIL and his wife were e having dinner with us. She started again saying how I shouldn’t call him he. I said that I could call him whatever I wanted until he says otherwise and that she should stop saying they and respect my wishes because this is getting ridiculously confusing.

That’s when she called me transphobe. When she uttered these words I was seeing red and was so angry. I told her that she was out of line accusing me of something like that and that she waa never welcome in my house again. She threatened to call social services to take him away and I lost it and started yelling at her to get out.

Now my husband and his family think I’m the AH for kicking her out. But I never want her in my life or around my child again.. ——. 

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

ResurrectionScary −  NTA People projecting their issues onto every other person on the planet are obnoxious.

HyenaShot8896 −  NTA at all, but your husband should also be on your side, especially after the CPS threat. The fact that he stood by, and was ok with that is concerning.

EveningPomegranate16 −  You are NTA, but your SIL and the rest of the family are. Your child, your rules. You are not trans phobic as you said “until he says otherwise.”

lizzyote −  She threatened to weaponize the law in order to take your child from you. Do not bring your child around her.

[Reddit User] −  People have lost their mind it’s a baby he has a biological s** and that’s HE. He doesn’t have a gender identity yet, he doesn’t even know he has hands ffs! NTA

FeistyMuttMom −  Huh, I wonder what the odds are of being invited to first birthdays and summer BBQ’s with the baby when the in-laws try to interfere with mama? Asking for a friend.. NTA.

No_Bodybuilder8055 −  NTA – It’s a literal baby at this point, all he cares about is food and sleep. If in the future if he does end up being trans or non binary then as you say will still love them then. That’s the main point, but for now he’s a baby boy until he decides otherwise.

I have a non binary sibling who I love and hate transphobes with a passion. But this isn’t transphobia, this is letting your kid decide what they want to be. The same can’t be said of SIL or her wife, it seems like they want the boy to be trans or non binary. Using other language would confuse him and he needs to find out on his own rather than have your family prodding him.

SerCadogan −  NTA. She is going to call CPS because you called your newborn a boy? Obviously listen to him as he grows up and respect any names/pronouns he wants to test out, but this is actually ridiculous. He is a BABY.. I am a trans man, btw

MmeGenevieve −  NTA. She is dangerous and hubby and family are wrong. NTM that so many children are in real danger, and there are not enough social service workers/resources to help children that are being physically abused and/or neglected, and she’s willing to waste effort on this!?!

Satori2155 −  NTA. She sounds infuriating but threatening to take your kids away is next level and i would do the same thing, NC for life. Your husband needs to be on your side.

Was the user justified in standing their ground about how to refer to their child, or did they overreact to the SIL’s comments? How should families navigate sensitive discussions about gender identity, especially when it involves children? Share your thoughts below!