AITAH for kicking out my dad after he said he “couldn’t afford to feed me anymore”?
Family can be complicated, especially when past hurts and longstanding issues resurface in your own home. In this story, a 28-year-old man recounts why he finally had enough of his father’s disruptive behavior. After being pushed out of the house at 18 and enduring a rocky relationship throughout his adolescence, he built a life on his own—acquiring his own house and establishing clear rules for those who share his space.
When his father, a heavy drinker and smoker, lost his own home and sought refuge with him, the initial agreement was simple: pay rent or cover groceries and follow strict no-smoking rules. However, his father’s repeated disregard—leaving a mess, smoking inside, and spending his cash on vices—eventually culminated in an incident where, after claiming he “couldn’t afford to buy groceries” (and blaming his son’s appetite for it), the son decided that enough was enough.
Furious at the constant boundary violations and reminders of past mistreatment, he told his father to pack up and leave. Now, he’s left wondering: Am I the asshole for enforcing my house rules by kicking my dad out?
‘ AITAH for kicking out my dad after he said he “couldn’t afford to feed me anymore”?’
Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “When an individual sets clear boundaries in their own home, especially after years of emotional trauma, it’s an act of self-preservation rather than rejection. The son’s insistence that his father follow specific rules or leave is a necessary step to protect his personal space and mental health.”
Dr. Markham adds, “It’s important to recognize that enforcing boundaries is not about being unfilial; it’s about ensuring that past behaviors, which may have been hurtful or disruptive, do not continue to affect your present well-being. The father’s repeated breaches—smoking indoors, neglecting cleanliness, and spending irresponsibly—demonstrate a lack of respect for the living environment the son has worked hard to build.”
Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman concurs, “In any familial relationship, especially those with a history of unresolved conflict, setting non-negotiable standards is key to maintaining a healthy dynamic. While it’s painful to kick out a parent, when the behavior consistently undermines the peace of your home, it becomes a justified act.”
Both experts underscore that while family ties are deeply significant, there comes a time when personal well-being must take precedence over old patterns of behavior that only serve to recreate past pain.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Several redditors expressed strong support, with one user stating, “You have every right to protect your space. If your dad isn’t willing to follow your house rules, you shouldn’t be forced to put up with his behavior. Boundaries are essential!”
Another group shared similar experiences, commenting, “After being pushed out as a teenager and then dealing with the same issues later, I wouldn’t blame you at all for drawing the line. Your home is your sanctuary, not a dump for his habits.”
Ultimately, your decision to enforce your house rules and ask your father to leave is not an act of cruelty—it’s a necessary step toward preserving your peace of mind and reclaiming the sanctuary you’ve worked so hard to build. Although the pain of cutting ties with family, especially a parent, is profound, protecting your well-being takes precedence when boundaries are repeatedly violated.
This situation raises important questions: How do we balance familial love with personal respect for our own space? Is it ever acceptable to prioritize your home’s sanctity over unconditional family ties?
What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Have you ever had to set firm boundaries with a family member to protect your peace? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate the delicate balance between family obligations and personal self-care.