AITAH for kicking my son out for sexually embarrassing me in front of a new girlfriend?
A Reddit user recounts a heated conflict with their 23-year-old son, who made an inappropriate joke in front of the user’s new girlfriend. While the son believed it was harmless, the user felt embarrassed and disrespected, leading to an argument and the decision to kick him out for a few days. Read the original story below to explore this family dynamic and the complexities of their relationship.
‘ AITAH for kicking my son out for sexually embarrassing me in front of a new girlfriend?’
For starters, I am 47 and my son is 23. Ever since he graduated from university 2 years ago he moved in with me. While growing up my son has seen me naked a few times by accident in locker rooms and whatnot, so he’s well aware of the fact that I’m not the most well-endowed (especially given my build as I’m a really tall and big guy).
In fact he’s made jokes to me about it before at times, which I didn’t care about. We just laughed them off together. Recently I started seeing a new girlfriend (about 2 weeks ago), but we haven’t slept together yet. We’re taking it slowly. The other night she and I were hanging out at my home while my son entered the home.
This was the first time my GF and my son met ever since we began dating. The conversation between them was quite limited and nothing of significance. But at some point he, for whatever reason, thought it would be funny to mention (and I repeat what he said word for word) “I guess you now know it isn’t always true what they say about black guys,” while laughing.
In the moment I just laughed along but later in the night he and I had a large fight about it. I told him that joking to me about it in the past is one thing but joking to a GF of mine about it — especially to one who I haven’t even slept with yet — is a totally different thing.
He told me that he had no idea that we hadn’t slept together yet and he said that he would’ve never said that if he knew. He also said that he thought it would be okay to joke as such because whenever he’s joked to me about it in the past I’ve always just laughed it off. One thing led to another and I kicked him out for a few days telling him that I need space on my own.
Today morning a few hours ago I got a huge text from him saying how he didn’t expect this from me, he’s very disappointed in me, etc. He apologized for what he did (in fact he apologized last night before I kicked him out). He said that I shouldn’t have kicked him out, even if for just a few days. I really don’t know now if I overreacted. In this situation did I overreact? Does he genuinely have the right to be angry and disappointed in me?
Heres the input from the Reddit crowd:
Pure_Aide_6678 − I’ve always said that stereotype about black men only hurts black men. NTA
Potential_Shelter624 − NTA He’s 23 and deliberately humiliated you. No one jokes like that in front of someone’s significant other especially not their parents. Inconveniencing him with a few days worth of couch surfing seems more than fair and a good way to establish boundaries.
LittleJoLion − He’s 23, whether he knew you guys had slept together or not is pointless. He shouldn’t be making those kinds of jokes in front of your GF period. You didn’t toss him out permanently, you told him you needed a few days. He’s not 16. You didn’t make him homeless. I mean, I am glad he apologized and kudos to him for doing that. But again he’s 23. We shouldn’t be jumping for joy when a grown man apologizes when he should. NTA.
Gerardo1917 − Wtf kinda relationship do you have with your son that he jokes about the size of your penis.
QuirkySyrup55947 − ESH. Your son should NEVER be throwing sexually explicit jokes around, or even providing context for sexual innuendo with anyone you are dating. EWW, JUST EWWW. His home should not be taken away whenever he does something stupid like make an embarrassing statement. It’s not appropriate to lord his place of living over him by your emotions. Very immature and unfair way to handle it.
Shelly_895 − Why tf was your son joking about the size of your genitals at all? Who talks about their dad’s junk like that? This is just weird.
Zigybigyboop − ETA. You son probably shouldn’t have made that joke for a lot of reasons. He just met this woman and he’s already making those kind of jokes? It’s really not a cool thing to joke about to begin with, and the way he phrased it hinges on a baseless racial stereotype.
But at the same time you’ve set the standard that those jokes are acceptable and it’s become part of your dynamic together, you didn’t set the boundary before hand so he followed the normal boundaries you’ve laid out. He even apologized and seems genuinely sorry about crossing that line he didn’t know he couldn’t cross. He shouldn’t have made that joke in front of your new girlfriend but I don’t think it’s fair to kick him out over crossing a boundary you didn’t set previously.
Osiris_Dervan − Yeah, he was an AH for making that joke, but he apologised. YTA for kicking him out; he may not have nowhere to sleep if he has friends he can stay with or can afford a hotel, but you *have* made him homeless which is a massive overreaction.
Derwin0 − NTA He’s an adult and this subject to adult consequences. Him saying he was disappointed in you shows that his apology was h**low.
xbigbenx85 − YTA. You raised him. If his sense of humor is overly sexual, you had a hand in that. Further, you allow it to happen and laugh off his sexual jokes, making it become a normal interaction between you both. He apologized when you said it bothered you later, and AFTER he apologized, you kicked him out. Your own kid.
t would be bad enough to try and boot a roommate out, let alone your own kid. Who again had already apologized. Did he have another place to go? What happens if that place wasn’t available? What happens if he has to sleep on a bench and gets sick or assaulted from it? Sorry not sorry man, YTA for kicking someone out of their home over a stupid joke that they apologized for making. Double YTA as it was your own kid.
Do you think the user’s reaction to kick out their son was justified, or did they overreact to a joke that was meant to be funny? How would you handle a similar situation with family members and boundaries? Share your thoughts below!