(UPDATE) AITAH for kicking my ex out of his daughter’s birthday trip after he kept insisting on bringing his step daughter?

Since the previous post, there have been significant developments. The mother discovered that Alex’s cheating, which led to their breakup, was a lie he told his wife, Sara, about her. This revelation caused a major argument, during which Alex became violent, hitting Sara.

Sara, now separating from Alex, has moved in with the mother, and Mary is staying with them while Sara handles the situation. Alex, meanwhile, was only focused on bringing Mary on the trip to “one-up” Sara’s ex-husband.

After all of this, the mother has decided to cut off Alex and is working on a legal custody agreement and child support. Rose has invited Sara and Mary on the trip, and the group is now planning their Greek getaway. read the original story below…

For those who want to read the first part : https://aita.pics/VQwHn

 

‘ (UPDATE) AITAH for kicking my ex out of his daughter’s birthday trip after he kept insisting on bringing his step daughter?’

A lot has happened since my last post, so I’ll try my best to explain everything clearly. This might be long, so I’ll start with a summary for anyone who doesn’t want to read the full story. Sara found out about Alex’s cheating in our previous relationship, and after her hit her, they’re getting a divorce.

Mary and Sara will be joining us on the birthday trip. I’m filing for a legal custody agreement and child support. Alex’s insistence on bringing Mary to Greece was so he could one-up Sara’s ex-husband. Now, for those who want the full details:

After my last post, I called Rose’s therapist for advice on how to approach the situation. Following his advice, I sat down with Rose, explained everything, and even showed her the post. I reassured her repeatedly that none of this was her fault and apologized for making decisions without coming to her first.

I told her to take her time processing everything and let her know I was ready to listen whenever she was. I am glad I did so because a few days later, Rose came to me with her thoughts. Giving her time to reflect really helped her articulate herself and think everything through.

She decided not to invite her dad on the trip but was against cutting him off completely. While I initially disagreed, I respected her decision and didn’t push the matter. We discussed a lot of other things, but I’d prefer to keep those private.

I also suggested family therapy, which she agreed to, and I’ve booked sessions for next year. She will still be going to individual therapy and so will I. I hope that it will help us communicate better and also help me with making better decisions in the future as her mom.

By the end of our talk, we shared a much needed cry (which, I admit, I initiated), hugs, and then watched *Mamma Mia!* Side note: To the commenter who suggested the movie. Thank you! Rose and I loved it so much we watched the sequel the same day. It was the perfect choice to get us excited for the trip.

We are thinking of watching it again by the end of the trip as well.. Now, onto the drama. I reached out to Sara and invited her over to talk about Alex. I showed her the post, including the comments concerned about Alex’s relationship with Mary.

While I didn’t share those concerns, I wanted Sara to decide for herself. As she read the post, she got to the part where I mentioned Alex’s cheating. She was confused and asked what I meant. I explained how, during my pregnancy, I discovered texts and pictures from other women on Alex’s phone.

When confronted, he admitted to cheating because he “wasn’t ready to be a dad.” That was why we broke up, and he disappeared for a while before returning to be part of Rose’s life. Sara was furious. According to her, Alex had told her *I* cheated on him, and that’s why he wasn’t involved in Rose’s early years.

According to him it was because he wasn’t sure if she was his. Hearing this, I was livid. I’ve never been with anyone other than my ex, romantically or otherwise. Between raising Rose and building a career, I never had the time. Alex’s lie didn’t even serve a purpose since Sara and I had always gotten along.

After our conversation, Sara assured me she was going to talk to Mary and confront Alex. A few days later, she called me while crying, asking if Mary could stay with me for a while. I checked with Rose, and she was fine with it, so I agreed.

From what Sara told me, she confronted Alex about the real reason we broke up. During their argument, Alex was furious (possibly drunk. it is unclear) and hit her. Sara had a visible bruise on her face when I arrived. I was and am still shocked by this.

Alex had never been violent during our relationship and never even showed any signs of being violent. I am still having trouble believing it’s true which I feel really bad about considering how he left Sara. A huge chunk of her face is swollen and bruised really badly.

He didn’t just hit her, he punched her really hard that she said she thought he knocked her out. Sara doesn’t have family nearby, and Mary’s father is away due to his job as a pilot. So, Mary has been staying with us while Sara handles the situation.

After hearing about what happened, Rose invited both Mary and Sara on the trip, which is incredibly kind of her. My sister canceled anyway since she couldn’t secure a sitter and didn’t want to travel with the baby yet until she is older. So it will be Me, Rose, Sara, Mary, and my mom.

It was the same amount of people who were coming originally so I didn’t have to make new accommodations for them. As far as I know Sara hasn’t made a report or anything yet so Alex hasn’t been arrested. As for why Alex wanted Mary to join the trip, his mom unintentionally told me everything.

About a week ago she called asking to see Rose before we left for the trip. I wasn’t really keen on the idea but I agreed as long as Alex wasn’t there. During our visit, she rambled on about how Sara’s family made Alex feel unappreciated,

how Mary didn’t call him “Dad,” and how Sara’s ex-husband was always “showing him up.” Basically going on a rant about her poor son who everyone is against these days. You heard that right folks. This i**ot was doing all this not because he cared about either of the girls but he wanted to be “better” than Sara’s ex.

I am honestly still freaking pissed when writing this. He ruined his relationship with our daughter and used Mary to make himself look better than Mary’s dad. I don’t want to believe that it the case and that I am misunderstanding but It is something Alex can and has done before.

I even talked to Sara about it and she agreed this might be the case. Although it is just a speculation based on what his mom has told me. It is the most likely case since Mary has denied him being inappropriate with her.

I have cut off Alex, his mom, and told Rose we can revisit seeing him only after I have a legal custody agreement and child support. Both can take a long time which I am grateful for. I am hoping it will give Rose some time to think more about her relationship with her dad.

Sara has filed for divorce which I am helping with. She and Mary have been through a lot. Thinking about how this whole thing started it feels so silly. It’s been a mess, but that’s the update. Thank you to everyone who supported and advised me.

Your insights were greatly appreciated. We’re looking forward to our trip, and I’ll be focusing on giving Rose the special birthday she deserves.

See what others had to share with OP:

gdrom123 −  I never liked Alex since the first post and now can’t stand him even more. He’s a horrible person and I hope he loses everything. I’m glad you and everyone else are doing well (all things considered). Have a wonderful trip!

ElehcarTheFirst −  I’m glad you’re there for Sara and Mary. You’re a good person

74Magick −  I’m sorry your ex is an epic d**che, BUT you gained a friend and your daughter gained a friend/sister. So I guess you and Sara can be “Sister Mom’s” (not to be confused with that n**ty clusterfuck reality show.) It’s great to see women supporting each other like this, you guys enjoy your trip!

WraithfulWhispers −  Definitely not the a**hole. It’s your daughter’s birthday trip, not a family vacation. Plus, it’s important for your daughter to have special one-on-one time with her father without any distractions from step-siblings. Good on you for standing your ground!

Babbott50-410 −  Sara needs to press charges for a**ault. This way Alex will definitely know that actions have consequences .

GodsGirl64 −  I’m glad you’re all getting a break from the drama and I hope you have a wonderful time! Please encourage Sara to press a**ault charges against Alex. What he did is inexcusable and he needs to have some consequences.

Weekly_Watercress505 −  Sounds like Alex is competing against air.  I bet Mary’s dad has no idea he was “competing” with his daughter’s STBX step-dad and hopefully couldn’t care less. Mary’s father is a permanent fixture in her life while her STBX step-dad was only temporary.

As for Sarah I hope you took photos of her face from multiple angles as evidence and heavily encouraged her to report the violence to police. She should also get checked out by medical professionals to ensure there are no hairline fractures or other damage not immediately noticeable. . Alex needs therapy.

AppearanceOk5806 −  Still NTA and I wanted to say your daughter is an amazing person for inviting them to go with her and you’re a wonderful mom who SOLELY raised a wonderful human being.

snorkels00 −  The woman should press charges absolutely. It will help with the divorce. And take pictures of her face. He sounds like a malignant n**cissist.

Irrasible −  It sounds like you made a good outcome out of a poor situation. Perhaps you, Sara, Rose, and Mary will now have better mutually supportive relationship. Maybe Alex inadvertently did you a solid favor.

It’s been a tough journey, but it seems like the mother is doing everything she can to protect Rose and her family. Would you have handled things the same way? Share your thoughts below!