AITAH for inviting my younger sister’s friends to Thanksgiving but telling my brother that his gf couldn’t step a foot into my house?

A Redditor shared a heartfelt Thanksgiving dilemma: they’re hosting a small family gathering to honor their late mother, their first without her. While they allowed their younger sister to invite friends in need, they firmly barred their brother’s girlfriend after learning about her insensitive remarks regarding their mother’s passing. This decision has caused tension, and now the user is questioning if grief may be clouding their judgment. Read the story below.

‘ AITAH for inviting my younger sister’s friends to Thanksgiving but telling my brother that his gf couldn’t step a foot into my house?’

I(25F) have custody and raise my 17 year old sister bc our mom passed in December of last year. So this year is our first thanksgiving without our mom and bc of that, my siblings (22M, 19F, and 17F) have all decided that it would just be easier for us to have a small thanksgiving with just us and my husband than having to be around my moms family bc they are just terrible people.

I was fully prepared to make thanksgiving dinner for just the 5 of us, when my youngest sister came to me asking me if her best friend, who we will call “Katie” and her little sister “Lucy” could have Thanksgiving dinner with us.

Katie and my sister have been best friends for about a year and a half now and I know a bit of Katie’s and Lucy’s story. I know that their home life is anything but good and my sister explained to me why she wanted them to come over and I won’t get into it here, but I’ll just say that no kid should ever have to deal with a parent who suffers from substance abuse.

I told my sister that I would talk to everyone about it and see how everyone felt about it. So I did that, my sister and I sat everyone down, explained the situation and everyone was okay with that. I was able to get written permission from the family that Katie and Lucy are staying with(not their relatives, a friend of Lucy’s family and they don’t treat those girls as their own really) and that was all that was to it, so I thought.

My brother then comes to me and says “since Katie and Lucy are having thanksgiving with us, can I invite my gf, “Sarah”. Sarah and my brother have only been dating for a month, but I gave him the same grace I gave our sister and told him that I would ask if that was okay with everyone.

As soon as I asked my 19 year old sister, she immediately shut the idea down and said “why would he ask to invite her after what she said to him about mom?” That threw me for a loop and I asked her to explain.

My sister then goes on to tell me that she and him got into an argument a couple of days ago because Sarah wanted my brother to go away with her and her family to a different city on December 14-16(December 14th is our moms d**th anniversary, and we are planning to spread her ashes.)

So my brother told her why he wouldn’t be able to go on the 14th, but that he could travel there the morning of the 15th, and Sarah “I don’t care that you’re throwing out your moms ashes, you’re gonna embarrass me in front of my family if you let me go up there alone”.

Immediately I became enraged, but instead of acting out, I confronted my brother and he told me that she did in fact say that but “didn’t mean it in a mean way”. So I told him “I don’t care how she meant it, if you bring her in my house, I will cause a problem.”

Now my brother is upset and has his girlfriend texting me and apologizing, but I honestly don’t know if I care to hear it. I know that I could very well be blinded by the grief for my mom, so that’s why I am asking. AITAH?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

extrashotE −  a month in and she’s saying that? She hasn’t earned family holiday rights.

Alternative_Talk3324 −  NTA that was a hugely disrespectful thing to say especially since it’s all still so raw for you. I hope she’s a soon to be ex. No one needs that toxicity in their life. Thank goodness your sister spoke up.

perfectpomelo3 −  NTA. I understand giving her a second chance (even if she doesn’t deserve it) but it’s too soon to include her in a holiday at your home. If she’s actually sorry about what she said she should understand that.

Princessmeanyface −  Nta…but I’m gonna go against the grain and say don’t accept the apology. This girl is a month in and has the audacity to say something like that. She’s in her 20s not 12. What she said was incredibly disrespectful! If it were me she would never set a foot in my house and all it gonna do is upset the rest of the family. I’m sure I’ll get downvoted but that’s my opinion. (I will say this I’m a Taurus and I do hold grudges) so there’s that.

babaduke999 −  NTA. Bro shot his shot. The family has spoken. It’s a no. This should be the end of the story. Just a general sentiment for the bro though, it’s weird af for Sarah to invite him to a family affair this early into the relationship. It’s double weird for it to be so high stakes for her that “it would embarrass her if he didn’t come” 1 MONTH into the relationship. No relationship 1 month old is worth this drama.

HauntingGur4402 −  A month in and you disrespect a mother thats passed!!! Nah thats bad n toxic!!!

B4disNdatBB −  NTA and your brother needs to pay attention to the nuclear red-flags this girl is waving.

1. Expecting to be invited to a family holiday 1 month into a relationship.

2. Saying something so horrible about his/your Mom, to try to get him to ditch his family for hers. Sounds like she’s trying to be connected at the hip and taking advantage of him at a vulnerable time.

MaximusIsKing −  NTA and your brother is thinking with his d**k if he thinks in any way shape or form his GF’s behaviour was excusable.

blackivie −  NTA. Your house, your guest list. Your brother is free to spend Thanksgiving with his GF, not in your home.

chtmarc −  So he’s been dating this girl for a month and she’s already making n**ty comments about his mother who has passed away. Wow!

Do you think the user was justified in setting boundaries for their brother’s girlfriend, given her past remarks? Or should they have accepted her apology to keep the peace during Thanksgiving? How would you balance family dynamics in a situation like this? Share your thoughts below!