AITAH for ignoring my daughter for almost 6 months after she sided with my ex-husband when he cheated?

A Reddit user (30s, female) has been ignoring her daughter (17) and ex-husband for the past six months after finding out her ex had cheated on her. The betrayal was made worse when her daughter, who was deeply moved by her father’s romantic past with his ex, encouraged him to pursue the relationship, leading to the affair.

The user shut herself off emotionally, refusing to forgive either of them, despite their efforts to make amends, including gifts, acts of service, and apologizing. Recently, her daughter confronted her on her 17th birthday, crying about the lack of love and forgiveness, but the user felt nothing.

Her parents and best friend have suggested she consider forgiving them, but the user feels justified in her actions and unsure if she is being cruel. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for ignoring my daughter for almost 6 months after she sided with my ex-husband when he cheated?’

6 months ago, my ex reunited with his “the one that got away” when he was out with our daughter. He was acting weird and “melancholy” after meeting her so our daughter asked about her and he told her about their tragic love story, which is literally just their parents being againts their relationship.

My daughter, who was a hopeless romantic, was deeply moved by their love story and pushed his dad to pursue his ex and cheat on me. And well, he cheated and i found out. The day I found out about my ex cheating was a blur, I was crying so hard that day that I barely even understand what they were saying.

But I remember my daughter saying “Mom, dad made us happy for years, it’s time for him to be happy too.” I honestly would have laughed if she said that to me today, but at the time, I was crying so hard it didn’t register how ridiculous she was.

When we separated, our daughter declared she was staying with me, patting my ex on the shoulder and saying “I’ll take care of her, dad, dont worry”. I just rolled my eyes at the time cause I was no longer speaking to them both.

The first day my ex was gone, she surprised with breakfast in bed, which I shoved down on the floor in front of her. She cleaned it without complaint and after that day, I started locking my door to avoid such incidents. She cooks for me all the time, and everytime she did, I just ignore it.

In fact I didn’t eat much at the time, because my ex would often come by and drop off groceries. Whenever the hunger gets too unbearable, I would order delivery and eat in my room. Fast forward to 3 months, my ex came crying back, saying I was actually the one he loves.

Which I honestly predicted because although he was very much hung up on the past, he was very sweet and loving to me. Our marriage was literally something out of a movie, even after 17 years of marriage, we still acted like newlyweds.

Date nights every weekend, cuddles, and playing video games together. We never even fought, we just banter playfully. The day he came back he told me how they always fought, about how she wasnt as understanding and loving as me, about how he missed my cuddles and playing video games with me.

Of course I just ignored him. After that day, he started staying at our house. He tried to sleep in our room the first night, but i stood up and slept in the living room. After that he started sleeping in the guest room.

That day too, i remember my daughter telling me, as she sat with me on the living, “Aren’t you glad mom, dad is back. We’re gonna be a family again.” I would have laughed at her face if i wasnt busy treating her like air. After that day, they started doing everything they to make it up for me.

My ex even started bringing me home flowers everyday. They gave me gifts, cooked and clean for me, and all the while, I just kept ignoring them, not uttering a single word. 3 days ago was the first day my daughter confronted me. Which is probably because it was her 17th birthday.

I used to make homemade cakes for her and decorate the house depending on what her current interest is. That day she was crying in the kitchen, and i just ignored her and walked past her to get coffee. She started talking to me, asking me why i couldnt forgive them.

She told me i was being cruel, that they already did everything they could. She cried and cried, telling me all the stuffs we used to do on her birthday, about how happy we were, about how she wants to go back to that. That day i looked at her for the first time in six months and i felt nothing.

I wasnt moved or anything by her tears. I didnt feel anger or hurt. I didnt feel sorry for what i did. After we stared at each other for a while, i just went back to my room without talking to her.. That day was also the day my parents came and talked to me.

Theyre trying to get me to forgive my ex and daughter. They never asked me before to forgive them. They said the same things my daughter said, that i was being cruel. When i confided to my bestfriend, she told me that maybe its time to forgive them.

That my daughter was still so young and she made a mistake but shes still my daughter. In all honesty, i dont feel like i did anything cruel, since they were the ones who betrayed me first.

And although im not mad anymore, i honestly dont feel anything for them anymore and i feel like its just a hassle to even try and be family with them. But people i know are insisting i just forgive them. Am i really the one being cruel here?

See what others had to share with OP:

Unfair-Board-7728 −  NTA – You need to file for divorce, the marriage is over. Next get therapy, not for them but for yourself. 

stophittingthyself −  Whoever wrote this doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of home ownership and everything that goes with adults splitting up. Amongst other things.

Putrid_Excitement255 −  There’s no way some of y’all actually believe this horse s**t.

DisastrousMachine568 −  No you are not the cruel one. Both of the people closest to you betrayed you in the cruelest way, your trust in them is absolutely shattered. Your daughter actually started and encouraged your husband to cheat, thats just unbelievingly disrespectful.

Do your family think you have no feelings.. Well you do, and they crushed you. There is only one way forward for you, divorce them, because this kind of betrayal you wont ever get over. You need to start anew, to find yourself and what makes you happy.

Traditional-Trade795 −  now thats some creative writing exercise almost perfectly balancing the line. props to you

External_Expert_2069 −  So much of this just doesn’t make sense. This is fake fake fake

BlueGreen_1956 −  Another fake story. Didn’t this sound the least bit ridiculous when you were writing it?

GapAdministrative949 −  This is some weird fanfic story. I don’t know if it’s true. I felt it may have been true until he came back and started doing stuff. Still let’s grab popcorn and see where it’s going.

kmflushing −  My eyes are rolling so hard at this story.

TubbyPiglet −  YTA for writing a story this stupid. 

Do you think the user is justified in maintaining this distance from her daughter and ex-husband, or is she being too harsh given the emotional pain and hurt they’ve caused? Is there a way for her to heal and reconnect with them, or is she within her rights to feel this way? Share your thoughts below!