AITAH For having my cousin thrown out of my wedding for not wearing white?

A Reddit user (28F) shared the story of how tensions arose during her wedding planning, leading to her cousin being kicked out for not following the dress code. The user had a child-free wedding where guests were asked to wear white, but things took a turn when her cousin arrived in a gold dress, defying the dress code.

This came after an earlier argument where the cousin insulted the bride’s appearance, causing the user to make the difficult decision to remove her from the wedding entirely. Now, the bride is questioning if she went too far. To read the full details and see what led to this heated moment, check out the original story below.

‘ AITAH For having my cousin thrown out of my wedding for not wearing white?’

I (28F) got married two weeks ago and I am still getting backlash from what happened so I’m here to see if I really am in the wrong. My husband and I decided to have a child free white wedding where the guests are in white. I personally don’t like to wear white because I always feel that no matter what I’m doing something always manages to get me dirty. So, my dress was not white but blue.

This all started when I decided who would be in my bridal party. I chose two friends from middle school, one from high school, my 16-yr old niece and my cousin. Since I was having a child free wedding, I didn’t want anyone under the age of 18 but my whole family knows my niece is my one exception.

When we went to the dress shop to pick out dresses, I informed my bridesmaids they would be in black to match the groomsman. Everyone was on board with the color, and we found a dress that fit everyone, and the top could be adjusted for comfort. Everything was going great until my cousin asked why my niece was getting the same dress, so I told her she was a bridesmaid.

Cousin said she assumed she was there for a flower girl dress since I’m not inviting anyone under 18 and if I needed another bridesmaid her daughter could do it. I told cousin no, and her daughter is a guest. Things got awkward but we were done so we left, and I took my niece out and explained she was a bridesmaid and that wasn’t changing.

Everything was going great after that until bridal dress shopping. At that point I had done alot of research to find dress style I liked and who had the color I wanted or could get it. I went to the appointment with my bridesmaids, my parents, and in-laws. Everything was fine but I didn’t like anything I picked until my mom found a dress, I didn’t think I would like but ended up being the one and they could get it in my color.

We were all happy until my cousin said something that made me snap. She said that I should pick a dress that made me look prettier and not as fat. I blacked out and said a bunch of things I shouldn’t have then kicked her out of the bridal party and the wedding. A few days later my aunt who I love, and respect called to ask for my cousin to be invited as a guest. I did feel guilty about the things I said so I said yes.

Fast forward to the wedding and it was my turn to walk out and the first thing, I see out the corner of my eye is GOLD. My cousin sat in a middle row on the aisle in a gold strapless dress. I wanted to cry but we continued on and once we were finished, I told my wedding planner to have her kicked out and kept away.

A few think she could have stayed but others think she should have followed the dress code. My aunt thinks I could have asked her to leave instead of having security throw her out and embarrass her. AITAH for throwing my cousin out for wearing gold not white?

Check out how the community responded:

StAlvis −  ESH. I decided to have a child free white wedding where the guests are in white. I personally don’t like to wear white because I always feel that no matter what I’m doing something always manages to get me dirty.
I just can’t get past the combination of this narrow dress code and your **acknowledgment that it _sucks_**. I blacked out and said a bunch of things I shouldn’t have. I do not think “blacking out” is what you think it is.

WhereWeretheAdults −  ESH. “I personally don’t like to wear white…” Oh, I have a great idea! Let’s force everyone else to wear white if they want the privilege of coming to my wedding. Yeah. That’s a bit of logic I can’t get my head around.. Cousin is an AH also.

riontach −  ESH. It sounds like she was being deliberately spiteful. However, I would absolutely not attend a wedding that required me to wear white. Your demand of your guests was unreasonable.

Marvelous_Marigolds −  NTA. I’m a little confused because I’ve heard of all white events so I’m not sure why an all white wedding has so many people up in arms. Many formal events have themes and dress codes this isn’t anything new.

Just say y’all don’t know how to dress and keep it moving. A lot of people seem to be brushing past the fact that your cousin took not getting her way as a time to body shame you during your wedding dress fitting. Why did she think that was okay? Why did her mom think that was okay and turned around to vouch for her? No sht you went off after something like that came out.

People need to stop thinking they can treat others any kind of way without consequence. It’s not hard to find something white to wear. You agreed to let her attend even after not receiving an apology or any promises or changed behavior and that’s how she paid you back?

She purposefully did not wear white and from the post she also never apologized for the behavior that caused all of this in the first place. Ultimately I don’t think she was only kicked out for not wearing white I think this was just another reminder of how you don’t really like how she moves as a person.

jeszmhna −  YTA for a number of reasons. 1. You hate white and acknowledge that it gets dirty quickly, you should have asked your cousin what happened to the white dress prior to just kicking her out. Very likely that she got a stain on it and had to wear another dress, also her wearing something that’s not the colour you want made you almost cry on your wedding day while walking down the aisle? Priorities were off.

2. “Blacked out” and said a bunch of things yeah let’s Call a spade a spade, you lost your temper and probably made nastier comments back to her in front of everyone. She didn’t push you to snap this was her first n**ty comment and you lost it immediately, both of you are TAs here.

3. You then continued to embrass her by getting security to throw her out instead of asking her to leave or asking a family member to get her to leave/ keep her out of your sight. Her not following the dress code wouldn’t have gotten her positive reactions or attention you could’ve probably just handled this with a snarky remark to her if you really needed to get it out of your system then actually enjoy your day.

SolicitedOpinionator −  NTA. Good, GOD I do not understand the favorite pastime of this sub passing judgement on tangential information that is not related to the question just because OP comes off as unlikeable. Who cares if OP is a h**ocrite about wearing white. That’s not what she’s asking about.

I say NTA because cousin knew the dress code, and INTENTIONALLY violated it out of what can only be assumed is spite. She was in the bridal party so and knew the vision that OP has for her wedding. So I don’t think having her kicked was an issue.

Several_Essay_7028 −  YTA, just based on this “My husband and I decided to have a child free white wedding where the guests are in white. I personally don’t like to wear white because I always feel that no matter what I’m doing something always manages to get me dirty.

So, my dress was not white but blue.”. You hate wearing white, so you required that all your guests wear white. And one person “disobeyed” and got escorted by secutity?! Seriously? Absolutely YTA. Get over yourself, you are not the center of the universe.

hugthenugg −  NTA. It sounds like a lot of wedding haters in the comments. When you set a dress code, you expect people to stick to the dress code. As a former bridesmaid, she knew what the code was and broke it deliberately. Your personal feelings on if you like to wear white have nothing to do with it, so idk why people keep bringing it up.

Also, child free can have exceptions. You’re literally the ones making the rules. You call the shots, and everyone else can s**k it if they have a problem. They literally do not have to go. When they RSVP yes, they are agreeing to your terms of being a guest. People who break your rules run the risk of being thrown out. It’s common sense, I fear.

DizzyCaidy −  Wtf is with these comments? You decided on a dress code for the guests- this isn’t uncommon at weddings, and your cousin decided to blatantly go against it. Let’s be real, she did so in protest of you kicking her out as a bridesmaid originally and it was fuelled by her just being petty. Your NTA for standing your ground and kicking her out, it’s not about wearing the gold dress, it’s about the disrespect she showed you.

Comeback_321 −  She embarrassed herself. Anyone who purposefully dresses opposing to EVERYONE else WANTS to be seen. She brought every damn thing down on herself. I’m not a fan of bridezillas and you were far from it. She NEEDED to have the attention so she REALLY got the attention – she just didn’t get to determine what that attention was. I’m sorry this happened to you on your wedding day. NTA.