AITAH For Getting Rid of My Old Things when I Replace them with New Things Instead of Giving Them To Family “That Might Need It or Want It”?
When rebuilding your life after a major life change, where do personal boundaries end and familial obligations begin? A Reddit user faces backlash after replacing their post-divorce belongings and disposing of old items via a junk removal service, bypassing offers to family. The story sparks debate over ownership, wastefulness, and the emotional weight of “stuff” in family dynamics.
The original AITAH post details a conflict between the poster’s desire for a fresh start and their family’s expectation to claim discarded items. While the poster prioritizes efficiency and emotional closure, their sister and relatives condemn the move as wasteful and inconsiderate, igniting a moral showdown.
‘ AITAH For Getting Rid of My Old Things when I Replace them with New Things Instead of Giving Them To Family “That Might Need It or Want It”?’
Expert Opinions
The Psychology of Decluttering Post-Divorce
Dr. Sherrie Campbell, a clinical psychologist, explains in Psychology Today: “After a divorce, purging belongings can symbolize reclaiming control. For some, retaining items ties them to the past, while discarding them accelerates healing. However, families may misinterpret this as rejection.”
Environmental Ethics and Consumer Responsibility
A 2023 study in Environmental Research Letters notes that 80% of discarded household items in high-income countries end up in landfills despite being reusable. Dr. Jane Hoffman, an environmental scientist, argues: “Donating functional items should be prioritized, but systemic barriers—like lack of pickup services—often make this impractical for individuals.”
Family Dynamics and Boundary-Setting
Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace, writes: “Families often conflate access to your resources with entitlement to them. Clear communication is key: ‘I chose this method for my well-being. It’s not a commentary on our relationship.’”
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
Reddit reactions were divided:
- NTA voters emphasized autonomy and the burden of coordinating giveaways.
- YTA voters criticized wastefulness and lack of consideration for others’ needs.
- Compromise suggestions included donating to charities with pickup services.
This conflict underscores the clash between individual healing and collective expectations. While the poster’s approach prioritized emotional efficiency, their family viewed it as a missed opportunity for generosity. Moving forward, balancing personal needs with sustainable practices—like charity donations—could mitigate similar disputes.
What do you think? Was the poster justified in their approach, or should they have involved family? How do you navigate decluttering without sparking familial strife?
nta, you are doing a divorce cleanse, so of cause you do not wish to see the stuff again at your sisters.
NTA! It is not your responsibility to furnish anyone anything at any time.
You said you didn’t want to wait around while someone else pulls their sweet a$$ time coming to get it.
Sis and mom needed to chill tf out and reset their boundaries.
Now it would have been nice of you to have thought to offer those furnature items to family, but you are not the Salvation Army, Goodwill or Craig’s list and what you do with your belongings is your business.
Personally, you have shown more patience than they deserve, and your only mercy here may be you having to use the sharp edge of your tongue across their entitlements and expectations.
NTA — Repurposing / decluttering / replacing happens all the time. At least around here, the removal companies either resell or donate usable items (that’s how they stay in business). Also, not a plot of places take old furniture, and truthfully, most people don’t want it anyway. I guess a group text would have been OK, if your family is close by, but they probably would have wanted you to pay to have THEIR old broken stuff removed.
NTA for not relocating painful items to the homes of relatives you (I assume) plan to visit and enjoy, free from bad memories. Getting over a breakup to then visit portions of your past life strewn through relatives’ homes sounds like a nightmare! But agreed re donating, just NOT to someone whose home you visit.
NTA. You are not obligated to consider everyone else before yourself before you decide what to do with your stuff. I read that you used a junk removal service and can surmise that you had enough stuff that getting rid of it all on your own would have been a long and strenuous task. Donations typically require work on your end. If you are going through a healing process, sometimes that extra work can be too much to ask for. Now, although your response to your sister might not have been the best, she has no right to demand hand-outs.
She’s pointed out that she wanted your stuff, but it’s too late. It’s already tossed out, and she isn’t entitled to it. Maybe consider your family moving forward, but aside from that, wash your hands of it.
everyone saying YTA because you could donate it instead of trashing it… most of the companies who pick up stuff go through it and resell it for a profit. some even refinish furniture for resale, so it is highly likely that it was not wasted, but sold instead.
YTA. I can’t believe you wouldn’t at least offer some of the things to family and friends. Especially since you KNEW your sister’s couch was in bad shape, why wouldn’t you offer her your old one? Do you dislike her that much?
Also, did you even bother to ask the removal company what they’ll do with your stuff? Some removal companies will sort through your stuff after they haul it away and donate or recycle what they can, but some don’t. If you didn’t try to use one of the former type of companies, then YTA twice over.
NTA. You’re saving many headaches down the road. Even if gave the furniture,etc to family, doesn’t mean they’ll take care of it- especially if they have hoarding tendencies. Also, I belong to a decluttering Facebook page and they recommend this at times when the person needs a clean sweep- to hire someone to get it done in one fell swoop.
NTA, you can do whatever you want with the old stuff, I was getting a new sofa a few years ago and my cousin said she wanted it, kept stalling so I hauled it out and junked it, I got tired of her excuses for not coming to get it, also I had no room to keep it. I tried to give it away but my generosity was taken advantage of. Do what you want to do.
NTAH imho; nonetheless sorry for all the family drama. Readers should realize that junk removal services typically donate the items – they aren’t just taken to a landfill. And lastly, you wanted the items out of your life – not given visitation privileges, so well done.
Most junk removal services donate what’s good for you. It doesnt all end up in a landfill
YTA, I would have started with family and friends first to see if they could use some of your stuff. Then I would offer it to non-profits that would pickup what you did not need.
Many junk removal services do try to rehome any good stuff they get, either by reselling it or donating it. Because they also have to pay a fee if they’re dumping it in a landfill. So it may not be as wasteful as it seems.
NTA – I believe people may be missing the point. You have undergone the end of the marriage. You need to do what is best for you – if that includes disposing of property that brings back painful memories,it is yours to dispose of — especially not to friends and/or family where you would constantly be reminded of the past when you visit. People can criticize but they are not doing the heavy emotional and/or physical lifting. Enjoy the new furnishings in your home and starting a new chapter in your life.