AITAH for finally taking my spouse’s comment at face value?

A Redditor (married for 22 years) shared a heartbreaking moment when her spouse told her during a Christmas fight that he’s hated her for two years. After years of constant arguing, failed therapy attempts, and mounting emotional strain, she decided to take his words at face value and contacted a divorce lawyer. Now, she’s questioning whether she’s wrong for finally saying enough is enough. Read the original story below for more context.

‘ AITAH for finally taking my spouse’s comment at face value?’

I have been married for 22 years. My spouse and I fight constantly. We have seen therapists and my spouse had disliked them for one reason or another (total of 5 different marriage counselors). We have two sons.

They are old enough to be aware we are always fighting, even when we keep our voices down (vents in old homes and all). Today, Christmas, we had an explosive fight. Long story short, my spouse told me he hates me and has hated me for two years.

I immediately closed my mouth and stopped speaking. We opened gifts with our sons and then I went to my room and locked the door. I have reached out to a divorce lawyer. Am I the a**hole for finally saying enough is enough?

Update: I have read through many of your comments. I just want to say a few things for clarification. First, I can’t give specifics as my spouse reads Reddit. Second, no infidelity or financial issues exist on either of our sides. Third, lawyers and divorce offices are open 24/7 for information inquiry and inquiries to start separation.

Fourth, I have been a complete ass for staying this long with both of us fighting and our children living in it. I know this. I have tried to fix this. I have tried to be better. I have tried to be what my spouse wants. I have a career and contribute to our family income. I’m not lazy at home. I’m not leaching off my spouse.

I’m not creating a second family. I’m not hiding secrets or anything. I’m broken. And I finally contacted someone to take the next step. I just don’t know if it was the right move. I’m not innocent in this. We fight. WE FIGHT. I just couldn’t come back from the comment.

And two years ago my spouse did something that made it clear he wanted out. That’s all I’ll say. I just didn’t read the signs and I was naïve. I wanted my family. I was selfish. And that’s why I asked if I was the a**hole for finally doing something when I hadn’t done anything for 22 years to move away from our reality.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Becalmandkind −  NTA. You both deserve to be happy. Enough is enough. You’ll look back on this and wonder why it took you so long to end it.

Wonderful-Fault926 −  NTA. It sounds like the marriage has been done. I promise, as a child of divorce, I was a million times happier after the split finally came and I no longer had to deal with the constant fighting. This is for the best for you and those kids.

lovescarats −  NTA, believe him.

NefariousnessFresh24 −  NTA for finally doing what you should have done years ago. If he rejects 5 marriage counselors for whatever reason, then maybe there is no amount of counseling that can save this marriage because he doesn’t want it saved.

BlueGreen_1956 −  ESH
You should have said “enough” the minute your kids could hear the crossfire.

HandComprehensive201 −  NTA. He’s too lazy to do anything about hating you so instead he is mean and vindictive. Believe him, he is telling you exactly what he thinks of you. Stop waiting for your time, this is it! Seize the opportunity to get a life. Don’t argue anymore, focus on yourself and your kids. Let him go, he’s a l**er!

ObsidianNight102399 −  How in the hell did you get into contact with a divorce lawyer on Christmas day??

Canadianman67 −  Wow! Hate is such a strong word! I am sorry you were going through this, especially on Christmas day! You are definitely not the A.H!! 22 years of marriage, you didn’t say how old your children were, but I’m assuming they are probably in their late teens?

ellesweetness −  NTA. Apparently, he feels like he’s stuck or settling. I’ll bet he even turns his attitude around when he finds out about the pending divorce. From the canceled therapy numerous times, he seems like he doesn’t want to take any responsibility for his part. I’m sorry this is how your holiday went.

I once heard of a study that says people can smell fear by blind scent exposure in sweat suits of first-time sky divers and treadmill runners. Gross, I know, but the kids can pick up signals. The fights even silent make everyone feel emotionally unsafe.

DrRGoldenblatt −  Go forward and start living again. The best example for the kids is to see you taking care of yourself. Self respect is not being an a**hole. Constant fighting is a**sive and needs to stop.

Is this Redditor right to take her spouse’s harsh words as the final breaking point, or should she have tried one last time to fix the relationship? What would you do in her situation, especially when children are involved? Share your thoughts below!