AITAH for eating before my date arrived to the restaurant?
New dates can be exciting yet unpredictable—especially when it comes to expectations about dining out. Our OP, a 23‑year‑old woman, recently found herself in an awkward predicament on what was meant to be a promising first date. With a busy day behind her and no time for lunch, she decided to eat a meal at home before heading to a restaurant where she was scheduled to meet her date at 9 PM.
For her, eating beforehand is practical; she’s not a foodie and prefers to enjoy the outing itself rather than the food. However, when her date arrived and later asked if she wanted to order, she replied that she wasn’t hungry since she’d already eaten. This sparked confusion—and eventually anger—from her date, who believed that ordering food was part of the shared experience.
As the conversation unfolded, her casual honesty about having eaten earlier became the catalyst for an unexpected rift. Now, she’s left wondering if her pragmatic decision makes her the asshole or if her date’s reaction was simply overblown.
‘AITAH for eating before my date arrived to the restaurant?’
When simple practical decisions ignite emotional responses, relationship experts point out that communication—and the context in which it occurs—is key. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist known for her work on interpersonal dynamics, explains,
“When expectations are misaligned, such as one person valuing practicality over shared experiences, the resulting conflict is often a reflection of deeper personal values and insecurities. It’s important for partners to discuss their expectations about social interactions in advance.” (kidshealth.org) In this case,
the OP’s decision to eat before the date was a practical choice given her busy schedule. However, her date’s reaction—demanding that she conform to a particular social norm—highlights a miscommunication about what a date should be. Dr. Susan Johnson, a family therapist, adds, “If one partner is unable or unwilling to wait out hunger for the sake of an idealized shared dining experience, it can lead to unnecessary conflict.
Mutual understanding and flexibility are crucial.” While some might say that waiting to order food is the courteous thing to do, the experts agree that when practical needs clash with social expectations, neither response is inherently right or wrong—they merely reflect different priorities that need to be discussed openly.
Check out how the community responded:
Many redditors empathize with the OP’s practical approach. “If you’re starving and need to eat before a date, that’s your call. You shouldn’t be forced to wait and then feel cranky,” one user commented, emphasizing that individual needs vary.
Ultimately, the OP’s decision to eat before her date was a matter of practicality—a way to manage a busy day without getting overly hungry and cranky. While her date clearly had different expectations about what a date should involve, the conflict seems to stem from a simple miscommunication rather than any intentional rudeness. Is it fair to expect someone to delay their personal needs for the sake of an idealized dining ritual,
or should we allow each person to honor their own bodily needs? What do you think—should partners adjust to each other’s practical habits, or is there room for a little more courtesy on these occasions? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?