AITAH for divorcing my husband because he spent 10 minutes in the car during a family emergency?

A woman decided to divorce her husband after he stayed in his car for ten minutes before entering the house during a family emergency involving her injured son. Her husband claims this is due to a trauma response from a past experience, making him uncomfortable entering immediately.

Despite her pleas during the emergency, he insisted on finishing his ritual, leaving her to handle the situation alone. Now, she feels she can no longer trust him in serious matters. Read the original story below…

‘ AITAH for divorcing my husband because he spent 10 minutes in the car during a family emergency?’

I (f) have been married to my husband (m) for 2 years. He has a habit of sitting in the car 5-10 minutes before entering the house. I don’t know why he does it, but he talked about a past traumatic experience he had when he came home and caught his ex cheating on him.

Because of that he’d just spend few minutes in his car before he enters his home as response to his trauma. Now I won’t say that he’s wrong in coping with what happened but this has made me feel uneasy and it had caused many fights between us.

Like when we have guests he’d sit outside before coming in, or when dinner is waiting on him and he’d take 10 minutes silently sitting in the car. I was worried that something might come up and he does not respond properly. And it happened last week.

My 8 yo son tripped and fell from the stairs and broke his a**le. He was in so much pain and I called my husband to come take him to the hospital and he rushed out of work but then I called and called and then I was stunned when I looked out the window and I saw him sitting outside the house in his car.

I was both shocked and angry. I ran outside and I asked how long he was sitting in the car. He told me around 8 minutes. I asked why he didn’t come into the house immediately to help and he said he would after 2 more minutes.

I was so mad and hurt but tried to rush him and he insisted he wouldn’t feel “comfortable” coming in until the 10 minutes were up. He told me to get my son ready to take him to the hospital, but I started screaming at him nonstop telling him this was a family emergency and that he was out of his mind to behave like that.

It might not have been my best response but I was shocked by his behavior and quite concerned because…I had this situation always stuck in the back of mind thinking what my husband do when there’s a family emergency. I ended up taking my son by myself when my neighbor intervened and offered to take us.

We went to the hospital and later my husband came and tried to talk to me but I refused. I then went to stay with my mom and texted him that I wanted a divorce. He tried to rationalize and justify what he’s done saying he could not help it and that he was nervous and wanted to help my son but felt stuck.

I refused to reply to his messages and days later his family literally harrassed me saying I was making my husband’s trauma more severe and that I disrespected his boundaries by pushing him off his limits. I feel lost and unable to think because of the whole ordeal.

My family are with me on this but they can be biased sometimes. My husband is still trying to basically talk me out of divorce saying I’m making a huge deal out of it. I feel like I no longer have trust in him especially when it comes to serious stuff like how cold he acted in a family emergency.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

purple_sun_ −  It sounds like he is stuck in a compulsive behaviour. He needs to find a professional to help him address it. It’s going to be tough, especially as he let you down when you needed him. I bet he feels really bad about the situation. Ps I hope your son is doing ok

Test-Subject-593 −  If he can’t get past his “my ex cheated on me” trauma to help a child who broke his a**le he needs therapy. It’s already caused “many fights” so if he refuses therapy do what you gotta do. NTA

Iowa_Hawkeyes4516 −  If he can’t get past this when someone is having an emergency, it’s seriously impacting his life and needs to see a mental health professional. I understand your frustration, concern, and how this is in a sense a very serious straw that broke the camels back.

If I was in your situation, I would consider divorce only if he refuses to get help. You’ve been more than understanding when it’s stuff that’s not as big of a deal like dinner being ready, but in medical emergencies he needs to be able to either work through his discomfort or be okay with being uncomfortable since he doesn’t have a diagnosis of a mental health issue and won’t see a doctor.

It’s not acceptable or fair to you or your family to put someone else at risk because he would feel uncomfortable walking into the house.

Kip_Schtum −  I’m just picturing him collapsed on the floor having a heart attack and she calmly looks at her watch and says she needs to wait 10 minutes because she was traumatized by him not helping their son in an emergency. He clearly needs professional help and if it was me I’d make it a condition of continuing the relationship. NTA

Inevitable-Divide933 −  I wonder if this is the only strange thing that he does. If is has OCD then there are likely other quirks. However, since this is causing problems in his marriage, he needs to address it ASAP and his family needs to support his recovery from this compulsion. I don’t blame OP one bit.

Big_Zucchini_9800 −  NTA but this is more than just a choice he made. This sounds like an obsessive compulsion. The fact that he HAS to wait EXACTLY 10 minutes each time sounds like he has created a permanent superstition in himself.

On a deep level he believes that if he comes in after 5 minutes you will HAVE TO cheat on him or something else terrible will happen. This is above Reddit’s pay grade. You need to get him into therapy with someone who can help him rewire this pathway and possibly look into why it was formed in the first place.

completedett −  NTA Your husband should have gotten therapy for his responses already. To be this paralysed is not a good thing.

mamaMoonlight21 −  It sounds like some form of OCD to me. Are there other ways in which your husband is oddly inflexible?

FakeTunaFromSubway −  Sounds like your husband has serious issues and needs to get professional help from a therapist. Maybe you agree to stick around if he admits to his issues, sees a therapist, and commits to changing.

OhSoScandal −  NTA when it comes to you wanting to divorce your husband. What I don’t really understand is why you didn’t pick up your 8 year old and rushed him to the car as soon as you looked out the window and saw your husband had arrived?

I don’t understand why you went outside and had a discussion/arguement when your 8 year old was inside on his own with a broken a**le.

Was she justified in prioritizing her son’s needs over her husband’s boundaries?