AITAH For Cutting A Date Shortly After I Asked A Question She Didn’t Like?

A 34-year-old man recounts a date with a Turkish woman in Istanbul that ended abruptly after he asked a question about Turkey’s economy. Her response to his question—deeming it inappropriate and accusing him of suggesting he was “better off”—left him shocked. Concerned about her anger escalating over a minor topic, he apologized, paid for dinner, and left. Now, he’s wondering if he overreacted by ending the date or if he was justified in his decision.

‘ AITAH For Cutting A Date Shortly After I Asked A Question She Didn’t Like?’

I’m M34. She is F29. Because of the nature of my job sometimes I would be sent abroad to a different city in a different country for a couple of months.

A while ago I was in Istanbul, Turkey for 3 months, where I got to meet this Turkish girl and we went out on a date. We went out for dinner in a classy restaurant, which had a romantic atmosphere, great service and high quality food. The date was going well first introducing ourselves and trying to get to know each other deeply, moving between different topics related to one of us.

At a certain point the girl started talking about something related to her life, and she mentioned something like “… and that because, as you can see, we have a high inflation rate in Turkey and the currency exchange rate is not working well for our Lira”.

To keep the discussion going, I simply asked “has your economy been struggling like this for a while or is it a new thing, and what’s the reason behind it?”. And here I could see a change in the girl’s face, and she answered me with some sort of a stern “you are an educated man, you could have searched that yourself, why are you asking me to explain you this?”!

I was surprised by her answer! My question was genuine and well intended, and I don’t know what was wrong about it. So I answered her “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything, it’s just a simple question related to the topic you are discussion. I just came here recently. I really don’t know anything about Turkey economy.

I’m a foreigner coming from a different country, so Turkey economy wasn’t something that I will read about or follow it’s news as it has no impact on my life.” Here I could see the girl getting angry, and she said “why are trying to tell me that you are better off than us in Turkey?”! I was literally shocked by her answer.

For me this was a tipping point. I thought this girl sounds like an angry person and a hostile one trying to pick fights for no significant reason, and she is just into the mood to escalate the situation no matter what I will answer her.

I thought if such a daily news topic has enraged her and her reaction was launching an offense on me, for no rational reason I can see, what would be her reaction if we move on with a serious relationship and I do something she won’t like, something as simple as forgetting to buy groceries for example? Would she start shouting and cursing me maybe? Or throwing objects on me? Slapping me maybe? Scenarios just thinking about them made me cringe.

So I told her “I’m so sorry this topic has made you angry. Nothing I said was meant to offend you or hurt your feelings in any way. But, I’m sorry I don’t think there would be any sort of connection or understanding between us. I will excuse myself and leave you to enjoy your dinner. Have a good night.” and I stood up from the table, went to pay for the dinner and left the restaurant. Was I the a**hole for ending the date early and leaving her alone?

EDIT:I see some confusing in the comments, people assuming I’m American and some are attacking Americans because of it. I am NOT American. Also I apologize for my writing if it didn’t sound compelling to some, English is NOT may native language.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Fishvv −  NTA and at least you went and paid.

ultrasker −  Hey OP. Turkish man here. ‘Trying to pick fight for no reason’ lol. A lot of Turkish people do that. Sorry.

pwolf1771 −  The people assuming OP is an American. Did you even read the entire post? NTA you have her an opportunity to teach you something about her home and instead she got defensive. She also probably didn’t have a good answer because all she knows are talking points she’s been parroting and has no actual insight. Either way good call getting out of there, this is why I can’t do dinner on a first date I’ve got to feel them out a little before I’ll invest in something like that.

Gr8danedog −  She has a chip on her shoulder. You are NTAH.

Subjective_Box −  NTA. Take it as a learning experience in international communication. You have a perspective that’s broader than average and feels natural but not everyone gets to live that. And I’ve definitely encountered something similar. I’ve lived in 3 countries over the past 5 years, and as a foreigner in most conversations it unintentionally puts you on completely different footing before you even know it.

Completely benign comments that are just small talk in one place don’t fly in a new situation. My kryptonite happened to be discussing food you’re getting as you’re ordering and adding relevant comments about stuff you tried or enjoyed before. I did it out of habit in the way I would do it normally and kept being called “negative” or judgemental. Pissing off people on the spot. And I just couldn’t figure out time after time what I said wrong or even implied as negative?!

Basically people took me as “well travelled” (showing off) and were feeling insecure that their local stuff would taste different. Different was automatically misconstrued as ‘worse’ because this insecurity (weakness of that country on international stage) was part of the cultural landscape. Go figure.

returnofTurk −  As a Turk, I can say NTA. Lately, we’ve been getting emotional/sensetive about the economy. I remember a few months ago, I met a tourist from Germany through a mutual friend, and he kept talking about how ‘he gave 100 euros and got a ton of paper back,’ laughing as he said it. For some reason, I got offended and told him to stop calling it ‘paper.’ It’s Turkish lira, that’s what it’s called in English. He got scared because I sounded way angrier than I actually was, and then I felt bad for scaring him and giving strong reaction, especially in front of his girlfriend.

Your_Daddy_1972 −  NTA. You were polite and even paid so I see no reason to sit there awkwardly for the rest of the meal.

Aelonh −  NTA. I am not excusing her behaviour, she went crazy there, but I think I can explain the behaviour: Everybody is talking about the economy every day in Turkey. Politicians say one thing and do another, and economy gets worse. Foreigners ask about the economy first thing when they meet Turkish people. It has been the headline everyday, especially for the last few years. It’s like someone forcing mushy peas down your throat and just keeps pushing in more. Everybody is sick of the economy and people cannot do much, they are tired emotionally.

I guess she felt that way and just exploded at the wrong person. Your question is perfectly fine, but I think after years of arguments with everyone about the economy (the old people are especially famous for saying the stupidest and the most outrageous things about the economy), Turkish people have gotten much angrier at each other and everyone else as well.

hardlyevatoodrunktof −  NTA. You paid and dodged a bullet.

PizzaWorldly4359 −  NTA. She didn’t know the answer to your question, so she became defensive to cover up her weakness. You did the right thing by leaving her there. She will react the same way to anything that triggers her weaknesses and insecurities. Find a mature, secure, intelligent woman.