AITAH for confronting my son’s girlfriend after she made a rude comment about my daughter’s eating habits?

A mother shares her experience of standing up for her teenage daughter after a hurtful comment made by her son’s girlfriend. The comment, which mocked her daughter’s eating habits, led the mother to confront the girlfriend directly. Now her son is upset, accusing her of overstepping and causing tension in his relationship. The mother is left wondering if she handled the situation appropriately.

‘ AITAH for confronting my son’s girlfriend after she made a rude comment about my daughter’s eating habits?’

Hi folks. So I’m a mom to three kids: 20M, 18M, and 15F. My 18 y/o son has been dating his girlfriend (also 18) for about 7 or 8 months now. He only properly introduced us to her around 2 months ago and since then she’s been coming over frequently. My husband and I work so if she comes home, it’s usually just the two of them and my 15 y/o daughter in the house.

A few days ago, I came home to find my daughter had locked her door. I called her for dinner but she didn’t come. I could tell something was off so later that night I asked her what was wrong.

Apparently, the girlfriend had been in the kitchen while my daughter was making a snack for herself, and had said something along the lines of “Big back behaviour.” I had no idea what that meant so I looked it up, and apparently it’s a trend where people use “big back” to imply “fat person behaviour.”

My daughter was really hurt by the comment, especially since she said it wasn’t the first time the girlfriend had made remarks like this, and she ended up throwing away the food. She hates crying in front of people but she was tearing up while speaking to me.

I was very pissed off on her behalf. I spoke to my son about it at first and asked him to address this with his girlfriend. He told me it’s just a trend and she had meant it jokingly, and he wasn’t going to get into a fight with his girlfriend about that.

But I didn’t think it was a joke, it had clearly hurt my daughter badly and she can usually handle jokes but I think this really got to her. So I decided to talk to the girlfriend directly. I wasn’t rude, but I was speaking sternly and I made it clear that comments like that weren’t acceptable in our home.

The girlfriend looked a bit taken aback, didn’t say anything except ‘sorry’ and hasn’t been back to our house since. Now my son is mad at me, he told me I shouldn’t have confronted her and that I’ve made things awkward between him and his girlfriend.

Now he thinks I should’ve let him handle it instead. I don’t feel guilty about it, I’m still angry on my daughter’s behalf. But my son loves that girl and this is the first time she’s acting distant with him apparently, so I was wondering if I was the AH to confront her like that.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

WebInformal9558 −  NTA. You were standing up for your child. No one should feel comfortable coming into your home and talking s**t to your kid, even if they’re dating another child of yours.

eirekay −  NTA. Geeze, you told him and he didn’t “handle it”. In fact he told you he wasn’t going to handle it. I’m sad that he didn’t have his sister’s back and took Sis being hurt so lightly. You have nothing to be sorry about. You son, on the other hand, has thinking to do because GF is b**lying his own family and that shouldn’t be okay.

judgingA-holes −  NTA – You were standing up for your daughter, nothing wrong with that. He thinks I should’ve let him handle it instead. Well, that would have been the ideal situation, except for the fact that he straight up told you that he wasn’t going to handle it.

JanetInSpain −  “Just a joke” is the rallying cry of every b**ly on the planet. GF wasn’t joking with your daughter. She bullied her. Jokes don’t make people cry or leave them so hurt they lock themselves in their room. I don’t care if it’s a “trend” — most of those TikTok trends are horrible.

And GF is 18, not 14. Your son can be mad all he wants. He wussed out and refused to address an issue with his GF so you stepped up and did it yourself. He says you should have let him handle it but he DECLINED to handle it. He gave you no choice. You are NTA. She owes your daughter an apology.

Asleep-Can6872 −  Someone once commented on my weight after I quit smoking and gained a lot of pounds. I looked them straight in the eye and said, I’ll lose the weight but you will remain u**y. NTA 

Snazzy_CowBerry −  Nta, when I was 15 I fell into bad eating habits over comments like this, please make sure your daughter is okay. Make sure she’s eating well and continues to have a good relationship with food, As for the gf, she was way out of line to be saying that, and your son should know better, your son should put his sister first before his gf, I understand that love is a crazy feeling and he might be letting that get in the way of seeing things,

l3ex_G −  Nta she’s b**lying a 15 year old. Big back is not a compliment. You should have gone harder and told her she isn’t welcome in your home until she apologizes directly to your daughter.

shammy_dammy −  NTA. She has proven that she cannot be trusted in your house, with your younger child, so she shouldn’t be over anymore.

Distinct_Clue6724 −  Good riddance she hasn’t been back! That girl looked “taken aback’ because she’s not used to being called out on her u**y behavior. Bravo! NTA. Your son is 18 and he won’t do anything and will defend her because he doesn’t want to lose the physical aspects of their relationship. Don’t expect much support from him. Keep having your daughter’s (and the rest of the family’s) back

Upbeat-Opposite-7129 −  Not the a**hole and let me talk to that child about commenting on other people’s bodies. She sounds like a mean girl. Make it as weird as possible go she takes a hike.

Do you think the mother was right to intervene directly to defend her daughter, or should she have let her son handle the situation? How would you balance protecting one child while respecting another’s relationships? Share your thoughts below!