AITAH for choosing my kids over my GF?

The holiday season can be a time of joy and togetherness—but for some families, it turns into a battleground of conflicting priorities. In this case, a 38-year-old father finds himself caught between his duty to his children and his girlfriend’s desire for a more exclusive celebration.

Every year, he carefully negotiates the parenting time schedule with his ex, ensuring that he gets meaningful time with his grade-school-aged kids. For the past two Thanksgivings, he’s spent the holiday with his children while traveling three hours to see his girlfriend’s family. This year, when his ex “gave” them Thanksgiving, his girlfriend demanded a private celebration, leaving him torn between his paternal duty and her wishes.

Though he presented three options—bringing the kids, splitting the day, or hosting a private celebration—the only solution he believes in is to have a Thanksgiving free of his ex’s children. Now, he questions whether choosing his kids over his girlfriend makes him the a**hole, even though he feels it’s his duty as a father to continue his tradition. Is he being selfish, or is his commitment to his children justified?

‘ AITAH for choosing my kids over my GF?’

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, states, “When a parent prioritizes their children during significant family events, it often reflects long-standing values and commitments that cannot be easily compromised. In situations like this, the emotional significance of spending a holiday with one’s children can outweigh the desire for a more exclusive celebration with a partner.”

She further explains, “It is not uncommon for conflicts to arise when blended family obligations intersect with new relationship expectations. The key is in balancing these roles through clear communication. If one partner consistently values their parental responsibilities over romantic traditions, it can cause friction. However, this does not automatically make that partner selfish. Rather, it highlights the importance of mutual understanding and compromise.”

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman adds, “The foundation of a healthy relationship is built on respecting each other’s commitments, especially when those commitments involve children. When one partner has a long-established routine of quality time with their kids, it is reasonable for them to maintain that tradition.

It is crucial, though, that both partners engage in dialogue about expectations. If a partner feels sidelined, addressing these issues through counseling can help foster a more balanced approach.” Both experts emphasize that while the girlfriend’s desire for a private holiday is understandable, the father’s dedication to his children is equally valid.

They agree that the situation is complex, involving emotions tied to long-term parenting responsibilities and the evolving dynamics of blended families. Although a compromise might be ideal, the father’s insistence on maintaining his holiday tradition is rooted in a deeply held sense of duty.

According to these experts, the challenge lies in finding a middle ground that honors both family commitments and romantic relationships. Ultimately, the decision to prioritize his children is not inherently wrong, though it underscores the need for better communication between partners to ensure that both feel valued and respected.

See what others had to share with OP:

Several redditors expressed support for his decision. One user commented, “If you’ve consistently made your kids a priority and that’s your tradition, then you’re within your rights to stick to it. Family time is precious, and you shouldn’t have to compromise that.”

Another group shared personal experiences, with one commenter stating, “I’ve been in a similar situation where my parental duties clashed with my partner’s expectations. Sometimes you have to make tough choices to honor your responsibilities. Your approach is completely understandable.”