AITAH for choosing my kids over my GF?

A father (38M) is grappling with the annual holiday parenting schedule, particularly for Thanksgiving. His ex has granted him the holiday with his kids, but his girlfriend (39F) is upset that he didn’t fight harder for time alone with her.

The father feels it’s important to spend Thanksgiving with his kids and is unwilling to make it a tradition to not have them on the holiday. His girlfriend feels neglected, and tensions are rising as they try to balance family commitments. Read the original story below…

‘ AITAH for choosing my kids over my GF?’

It’s the time of year where I (38DM) have to go over the annual parenting time schedule with my ex. We had two kids together who are half-way through grade school. My GF of two years (39, no kids) help me to make sure the calendar was balanced as well as ensure that we “reserved” time to go on trips.

One point of contention that has boiled over was that the ex came back and “gave” us Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was a day that the GF did try to have to ourselves and I begrudgingly submitted the request not to have them.

I say begrudgingly because in my eyes I have not had them the last two Thanksgiving’s and both want to have them for the holiday while also feeling that it’s just my time to have them. The last two years I have gone to see her family 3 hours away.

She’s upset that I didn’t fight to not have them. She’s also accused me of not caring about her needs because of this. I presented what I thought were the only 3 choices:

1. We could bring the kids, which would need to be introduced to her family (they’ve only met a couple of family members).
2. We could “split” Thanksgiving in the way of she goes up and sees her family and I stay behind with my kids.
3. We have Thanksgiving at our house in which would just be the four of us.

But there’s a fourth and correct answer and that is to again request not to have my kids. I don’t want to do it – in my eyes, even though my kids and I don’t have a tradition to do anything in particular, I also feel it’s my fatherly duty to have them for the holiday. So, AITAH for not wanting to make it a “tradition” to not have my kids on Thanksgiving?

See what others had to share with OP:

KarayanLucine −  F**k no! Kids are always first. F**k that, break up with the gf. “Waahh You are putting the kids first!” No s**t numb-nuts.. F**K. NTA

kmflushing −  Why are you with someone who doesn’t seem to like or want to include your children in her family? Your children should always be your priority.

joddo81 −  NTA. Your girlfriend knew you had kids when you started dating. Why should it be acceptable for you to miss having time with them? Co-parenting is hard enough without having a partner that doesn’t acknowledge your need to be with your children when you can.

CalligrapherFit1425 −  your kids come first, and your GF should respect that.

EveningPassenger6262 −  If I was dating someone with kids and they did not \*want\* to spend the holidays with their kids – that would be a red flag for me.
She’s the a-hole. If she doesn’t like spending time with her partners kids she shouldn’t date someone who has kids!!!

AffectionateArt7721 −  I’m peeved that you have ask this tbh. Your kids come first, ALWAYS. If there’s ever a romantic partner that can’t get this, then they get the boot immediately. Period.

xSpicyLacex −  Nah, It’s okay to prioritize having your kids on a holiday you’ve missed with them for two years. 😏 Your suggested compromises were fair, and your GF needs to understand that being a parent means putting your kids first, especially on significant days like Thanksgiving.🙂

lovebeinganasshole −  Your girlfriend is dating a guy with kids, a guy who actually wants to spend time with them. If she doesn’t get that why are even with her?

DietPsychological453 −  WTH!! Do you not see the major issue here. Holiday is family time. Your GF doesn’t want a part of your family with yall for a family holiday!!! What’s next, not wanting them around in general.

She knew you were a package deal when she met you. If you allow this once, it’ll happen again. YWBTA on any day that your kids don’t come 1st

Knoegge −  NTA if your gf doesn’t want your kids around on holidays that’s a her problem, not a you problem xD