AITAH for cancelling all of our streaming services to hire a housekeeper without asking my husband first?

A Redditor recently made a bold decision to cancel all streaming services and theme park passes to hire a housekeeper after her husband’s struggles with household chores became overwhelming post-baby.

While she hoped this would ease their shared responsibilities, her husband was livid, arguing that she made a big decision without consulting him first. Feeling that they needed additional help, she now wonders if she overstepped by acting alone to prioritize rest and quality of life.

‘ AITAH for cancelling all of our streaming services to hire a housekeeper without asking my husband first?’

My (28f) and my husband (30m) just welcomed our first baby almost 3 months ago. Understandably it has been a huge adjustment for both of us. She’s still not sleeping through the night and we’re both back to work full time. We have always split the household responsibilities 50/50. We just help where needed and it’s always worked out well.

Lately, my husband has been doing the chores terribly and I’ve had to come behind him to fix things or clean them again. For example, he cleaned the bottles the other night and they were cleaned so poorly I had to do them again. He dropped pump parts down the disposal and then ran it ruining them.

There have been several clothes that he didn’t clean after a blowout that are now ruined. There are many more instances like this. I’ve confronted him a few times letting him know we all make mistakes and I know we’re both tired but it feels like he’s not even trying to do things well.

He just keeps saying he’s so tired and is having a hard time working and taking care of the house and baby. I do sympathize with this as I’m also working, pumping, recovering, and taking care of the house and baby.

The final straw for me was when he told me to go to sleep and he’d put up the milk I’d just pumped and finish the dishes. I was so grateful until I got up and realized the milk had been sitting on the counter and at this point was no good anymore. He said he was sorry and he put on a show to relax for a bit before doing the dishes and fell asleep.

The next day I decided to cancel all of our streaming services, PlayStation plus, and our theme park passes in order to hire a housekeeper. I figured if he’s too tired to do basic household chores than a housekeeper is necessary. If he’s too tired to put milk up, then he’s too tired to play video games or for us to go to a theme park.

We still have cable and the PlayStation games and can do other activities outside of the local theme park.He blew up at me and said I had no right doing that and was furious. I thought I was doing us a favor so we can get more sleep and not worry as much about household tasks. So AITAH for hiring a housekeeper without asking?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

badassmillz −  Wait … Did you cancel these things in order to AFFORD the cleaner service? Or did you cancel it because you think it’s taking up “time”…

CrimsonKnight_004 −  ESH – You say you did this as a favor, but you know it was in retaliation because you were frustrated. And you do have every right to be frustrated, to be clear. But this was an impulsive decision based on frustration as a way to punish him, not as a favor. Don’t pretend otherwise. You were mad, so you lashed back. It happens.

He is 100% a bigger AH here. He can’t use his tiredness as an excuse, when you are doing what he’s doing and more, with a body that just went through pregnancy and labor. I do understand he’s tired and stressed, and I’m sure he is trying, but clearly it’s to the point where he needs to step up more. Hiring a housekeeper if he isn’t willing to put in the effort to do so is a good idea, but it needed to be a conversation first.

Because yes, he was in the wrong, but that doesn’t mean you make a unilateral decision for a major expense like this, which is also letting a new person into the home and around your (*plural* your) baby. That’s something that should’ve taken you both more time to research and agree on.

He is the main AH here, I can’t imagine how frustrating it was to see that he let the milk spoil especially, that is maddening. So I definitely don’t blame you for being frustrated, and I can understand how it led to you retaliating in this way.

Getting sick of relying on someone who is unreliable is more than understandable. This decision definitely still needed to be a conversation, as not doing so is not constructive to the relationship. Making rash and retaliatory decisions is never good for your relationship, and will just put a bigger strain on everyone.

KrofftSurvivor −  NTA – and ignore all of the comments saying that you didn’t communicate – yeah, you did. You repeatedly communicated that he was not following through on his share of the household responsibilities, what he was doing, he was doing so poorly that you had to redo it for him. Weaponized incompetence is a thing.

You’re the one who gave birth and you’re pumping – But the dude who is *not* recovering from childbirth and literally producing the food for a living being is more tired and somehow can’t even manage the chores he is doing correctly?!?. Nope.. No way. 

But use some of that extra money you’ve saved by getting yourselves into marriage counseling, because the opinions of random batch of redditors is not the right choice for how to handle your situation.

TKWander −  At first I was like, everyone’s the AH here, you’re treating your partner more like a child than a partner, you should have talked to him first and discussed….. but problem is, after reading through your post again. He’s not acting like a partner, he is **Acting** like an errant child :/

So, I can understand where one can get to the point of thinking ‘F**k it, why do I have to be the adult. I can’t keep doing things on my own because my partner is no longer being my partner, he is being an additional child for me to take care of and clean up after’
So….*Slight* ESH…but mainly NTA for me.

I can completely understand where you’re coming from and Streaming and gaming is a S**T TON less valuable than professional help for you guys. Especially when you still have Cable and Playstation games and can do plenty of other outside/indoor activities. The world doesn’t revolve around Streaming and Disneyworld :/. Priorities. Sheesh

Edit: And for those saying ‘well, he’s trying, too!’… Let me tell you something. B**ast milk is GOLD. You do not just leave that out on the counter, even if you’re dead tired. That goes in the fridge Right after he tells his wife to go to bed.

The fact that he went and played video games first is SO Much more telling than ‘well he’s trying’. That’s not trying. Putting pumping parts (plastic and not anywhere close to looking like something that would go down a disposal unit) down the disposal and then Running it and breaking it? That’s something I’d expect a 10 yr old would do. Not a grown ass man.

SpicyMargarita143 −  NTA. Anyone saying Y T A has never had a newborn. Tell him he can get his streaming services back when he learns to clean a bottle properly.

sikonat −  NTA. He’s doing weaponised incompetence and I don’t care how sleep deprived he is, it’s half arsed deliberately somyou have to take over. How is it you’re doing more baby work and can clean the parts properly?

But but you both know you’re tired and crabby and should be going ‘this is not working, the solution is for the next three months we cancel streaming for housekeeper’ and then Negotiate. Tell him then he needs to shape up bc his cleaning is BS

ZephyrZ0 −  NTA. He is though. Weoponized incompetence. He ruined the milk, ruined the clothes and ruined the pump. He wants you to do it all.

Cjack66 −  ESH. You for even trying a “what, me? I was doing us a favor” act for something so obviously passive-aggressive. And him for what looks like a campaign of intentional incompetence. You’re both sleep-deprived and overworked, but you have a kid who needs Mom and Dad to be on the same page. Start an open, mutually respectful and collaborative discussion there. You both need to commit to fixing this.

saviour01 −  America sucks. No way should a parent be back working full time after having a baby. As a father I got 5 months full pay leave and my wife went back part time after 12 months.

Significant-Chair-71 −  NTA being a parent to a newborn is exhausting and no matter how exhausted he is he won’t understand what you’re going through because you’re the one lactating. Lactating is the most energetically expensive thing a mammal goes through. 

You’re right if he’s too tired to do basic cleaning then he’s too tired for entertainment. A cleaning service is a great idea and when things get easier you can start adding in the streaming services again.