AITAH for canceling a date after finding out she has kids?

A man canceled a date after learning the woman he was interested in has children, explaining that he’s not looking to date someone with kids. He thought it would be better to be upfront rather than waste her time. However, after canceling, his coworker and other colleagues, particularly single parents, criticized him for being judgmental. Some people suggested he should’ve gone on the date and let her down gently afterward, but others sided with his approach.

‘ AITAH for canceling a date after finding out she has kids?’

I’ll try to keep it short. Without being too specific, I work in a social setting and a lot of my coworkers will have friends come in from time to time. One coworker I’ll call “Kelly” has a friend “Amanda” who comes in occasionally. Kelly and I are work friends and Amanda and I have spoken quite a bit.

She’s very pretty and there’s definitely been some chemistry between us. Kelly strongly pushed me to ask her out and recently after a shift I did. She said yes and we planned a date.Day before said date, Amanda asks if we can push our reservation back 30 minutes because her babysitter cant get there as early as she thought.

I did not realize she had kid(s) and honestly, Im just not interested in dating someone with kids. Just not for me. I responded to her “Hey no worries but I actually didn’t realize you had kids, Im not looking to date anyone with kids so I think its better we just stay friendly and we can cancel the date.”

She sent a very short text after and I thought it was that.Well Kelly then sees me at work and goes off on me, telling me Im a huge j**rk and being judgmental and all that and even got some other coworkers who are single parents to sorta gang up on me.

Other coworkers are on my side but said I should have gone through with the date and then told her I wasnt interested in pursuing it farther. My mindset at the time was I just dont want to pay for a date and have her pay for a babysitter if I know there’s no future. AITA there?

Thanks for all your perspectives here, Im going to log out of this throwaway now and go back to my main. Consensus seems to be I didnt do anything wrong but should verify ahead of time from now on. Lesson learned.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Weltall8000 ( Top 1 ) says

NTA If you know you don’t want to be involved with someone with children, that is very reasonably a dealbreaker/automatic disqualification. That is your prerogative and that’s fine.

SL33PYSL0THIE ( Top 2 ) says

NTA I have a son and if a guy cancelled because of your same reasons I’d respect that he saved me money from a night out and paying a babysitter😂😂 plus you were polite about it to so that’s a extra NTA from me

Honest_Entertainer_3 ( Top 3 ) says

Nta The problem that a ton of people don’t understand is that with kids it becomes. Can I be a parent? What if the ex SO is involved? Would the kid like me? Read the top one again and ask yourself that.

PerplexdJ ( Top 4 ) says

NTA Not wanting to date someone who has kids is a perfectly reasonable preference to have. I don’t understand why they said you should have gone through with the date anyway?

Not only would it have been a waste of money for the both of you, but it would also have been a waste of time and possibly got her hopes up for something that was never going to happen. Better to happen before the date than after when the ending would be the same either way.

Plane_Poem_5408 ( Top 5 ) says

100% NTA
If you do not want to date someone with kids DONT. Doing so would be the worst possible option for the kids. And you

Ambitious_Village788 ( Top 6 ) says

NTA—you have every right to your dating preferences. Next time, though, if it’s a friend of a friend, ask the person if the one you are interested in has kids, so you don’t ask and then have to cancel.

brokenchains47 ( Top 7 ) says

Everyone wants honesty until they get it. NTA

bay_blade_ ( Top 8 ) says

would she rather you lead her on 💀

carrie626 ( Top 9 ) says

NTA. As a single parent, I also want to say thank you. If you KNOW that you are not interested in dealing with kids, etc., then don’t date women with kids. That isn’t going to help that single mom that was looking forward to a date stop being mad at you though.

But you aren’t wrong. I guess you just need to start finding out if there are kids involved before you ask someone out.

The_AmyrlinSeat ( Top 10 ) says

NTA. I actively only chose partners with no children. I am 100% uninterested and not going to lead anyone on. No thanks.