AITAH for calling the police on my boyfriend for locking me in the bathroom?

When you’re exhausted and stressed from school and life, a seemingly small conflict can spiral into a major crisis. Our OP, a 20‑year‑old university student, found herself in an unimaginable situation with her 27‑year‑old boyfriend—one that left her physically trapped and emotionally shattered. After spending an entire morning at a coffee shop studying for midterms, she went to her boyfriend’s place.

Things took an unexpected turn when he complained that she smelled too strongly of coffee and demanded she change her clothes. What began as a minor disagreement quickly escalated into a situation where he forcibly locked her in the bathroom, insisting she wash her hair before letting her out.

By the time she managed to escape—after three harrowing hours of feeling claustrophobic and scared—she reached a point of desperation and called the police. Though the police eventually intervened without any lasting legal consequences, the aftermath has left her boyfriend fuming and their relationship in tatters. Now, she’s left wondering if calling the police was overreacting or a necessary step for her safety.

‘AITAH for calling the police on my boyfriend for locking me in the bathroom?’

Expert Opinion:

When emotions and safety concerns collide, actions taken in moments of extreme stress can seem both justified and regrettable. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist known for her work on relationship dynamics and stress management, explains, “In high-stress situations, especially those involving potential harm or physical confinement, the need for immediate self‑preservation can override other considerations.

It is not uncommon for individuals to take drastic measures to ensure their safety, even if those measures might later be seen as extreme.” ([​kidshealth.org]) In this case, the OP’s decision to call the police after being locked in the bathroom wasn’t made out of spite or impulsivity—it was a desperate act to secure her freedom and protect her well‑being in a situation where she felt completely trapped.

Furthermore, Dr. Durvasula notes that “sleep deprivation, academic pressure, and emotional exhaustion can significantly impair one’s ability to cope with conflict, often leading to reactions that might seem disproportionate in hindsight.” In essence, the OP’s experience—marked by hours of confinement, panic, and a sense of powerlessness—warrants a compassionate understanding rather than outright judgment.

While her boyfriend’s later accusations that she “made him look bad” may indicate unresolved issues in their relationship, they do not negate the fact that her safety was compromised. Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “When one partner physically restrains the other, regardless of the trigger, it crosses a line that justifies a strong, protective response.

The focus should always be on ensuring that both parties feel safe and respected.” Her insights underscore that the OP’s desperate act to call the police was a clear signal that her personal boundaries had been violated.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Many redditors sympathize with the OP, noting that no one should ever be locked in a bathroom, especially not for something as trivial as a coffee scent. They argue that her decision to call the police was an act of self‑preservation, not an overreaction.

Ultimately, the OP’s decision to call the police after being locked in the bathroom was a desperate act driven by extreme stress and a need for safety. While her boyfriend’s later reaction—blaming her for “making him look bad”—adds a layer of complexity to their relationship, it does not diminish the gravity of being physically confined. Safety must come first, and no one should be forced into a situation where they feel trapped and vulnerable.

What do you think? Is calling the police in such a moment a justified act of self‑preservation, or should conflicts always be resolved privately, no matter how dire the circumstances? Have you ever faced a situation where you had to choose between your dignity and your safety? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you were in a similar situation?