AITAH for calling my stbex husband “f**king p**cho” for putting the news of our divorce in the kids’ presents?

A Reddit user shares a heated conflict with her soon-to-be ex-husband (stbex) regarding how he revealed their divorce to their kids (13 and 15). Despite agreeing to wait until after Christmas to tell them, the husband placed the news in their Christmas presents, framing it as, “Merry Christmas, your mom is divorcing me.”

This shocking reveal left the kids distraught, and when the user confronted him, she called him a “fucking p**cho.” The husband claimed her decision to divorce after his medical diagnosis was equally cruel, and the situation escalated further with his family getting involved and blaming the user for the fallout. Now, the user is questioning whether her outburst was justified.

‘ AITAH for calling my stbex husband “f**king p**cho” for putting the news of our divorce in the kids’ presents?’

My stbex husband and I have been married for a long time but we’re going to get divorced soon. We’ve had our fair share of fights here and there, which is, normal for any couple, but he is the type of men who complains alot, make a ton of demands, and rarely does he acknowledge me or include me in big decisions.

Things have been bad between us already, but it got worse when he got his diagnosis (he’s suffering from medical condition). While I sympathized with his condition, I knew this was gonna be the end of our marriage. I knew I could not handle this version of him with his condition and all.

So I was very honest with him, and told him that i wanted divorce. He was open to it yet, resentful towards me (but he’s been for a while now, so, yeah). We agreed to tell the kids after Christmas and just be together as a family and enjoy the Holidays.

Well, he wanted to be petty and get back at me, but I didn’t think he’d go to such lengths. In the morning when our kids (they’re 13 & 15 btw) opened their Christmas presents, they were shocked to find out their dad and I are getting divorced. Their dad printed this on paper and put the papers in their gift boxes. It was horrible. Especially the way he worded it “Merry Christmas, Your mom is divorcing me”.

The house turned into a crying mess. He wasn’t even there, he went to get coffee or whatever. He knew what was gonna happen (thus he left the house in the morning)…I didn’t know what to do, I tried my best to get them to calm down then called mom. He came and I absolutely blew up at him and called him “f**king p**cho” for doing this to the kids, on Christmas no less.

He defended himself saying I “was no better” for “deciding” to end our marriage right after his diagnosis. I told him it was more because of his awful character then anything else. but he has tainted my image to the kids as they now think I’m leaving him for his condition, and refused to speak to me.

It got out and inlaws got involved. He told everyone I called him a p**cho and yelled at him for telling the kids the truth. They all came at me. especially, his mother who hated me all those years for no apparent reason. She called me a betch and said that if my relationship with the kids is ruined then it’d because of my own doing, and I have no one to blame but myself for being such an awful wife and mother. It escalated.

He’s moving out and the kids are with mom. I’m feeling utterly devastated right now but started to think that my outburst was unnecessary..and calling him p**cho and causing a scene instead of de-escalating the situation. Edit:: his condition is physical not mental.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

recyclopath_ −  Remember, your relationship with your children is a marathon, not a sprint. One day they will look back on this and think their dad is a p**cho. They will have lots of other examples of him being a nut job by then. “Remember the Christmas Dad traumatized us?” While sipping a wine together in their 30s over Christmas dinner.

Always be the bigger person. Always rise above and put your kids first. Trust that your kids are smart. Trust that your STBX cannot hide his rotten core forever. Honestly this should be documented as an attempt at parental alienation when the conversation turns to custody.

Lethhonel −  NTA – And please, PLEASE keep the ‘letters’ that the father wrote for the children, and any video you tried to take of them opening their gifts as evidence you will need during the divorce proceedings as evidence of his unhinged behavior. Also keep copies and recordings of his family harassing you as well.

AffectionateArt7721 −  Make sure you document that and bring it to your lawyer- that’s definitely cause for slandering the other parent and causing emotional harm to the kids. What in the absolute duck is wrong with him?

Upbeat_Vanilla_7285 −  That is another example of why he’s going to be an ex. He didn’t care about hurting his kids in Christmas. He just wanted to be petty and make you the bad guy.

maroongrad −  NTA only because you got pushed to your limit. He set you up very effectively. Now, since you know EXACTLY what sort of person he is, get everything sentimental OUT OF THE HOUSE. Everything. Replace it with decoys and costume jewelry if you need to. But photo albums, any expensive clothing and shoes (or they’ll get “accidentally” damaged or misplaced), yours and the kids’ important documents, EVERYTHING he could do to hurt you or the kids. Everything.

And if you ever needed to know, for sure, that you have to divorce him? HE CHOSE TO DESTROY THE KIDS’ CHRISTMAS TO BE SPITEFUL TO YOU. That’s it. You cannot put the kids through a life with someone like that. Get a picture of what he put on the gifts or keep a sample to take to court with you, to show that he’s an unhinged a**hole.

If you want to set him up, leave a few decoy items around that look like your own sentimental objects, and point a hidden camera at them. He WILL break something out of spite at some point. If your lawyer hasn’t already told you, get your own account at a separate bank, transfer your money out of a shared account and any private accounts, print off the last several months of transactions and make any notes needed about what the money was used for. Same with all utilities.

Get his name off your credit cards and do everything you can to get yourself financially separated and safe. Stop into reddit forums and ask about what else you can and should do and should look out for.

Oh, and check your car for tracking devices. If you find one? Stick it on someone else’s car, preferably someone like a delivery driver or a police officer. If they don’t think he’s following them to steal stuff (delivery driver) they’ll notice he’s doing it (police officer). I’d say put it on the collar of a stray dog but the chances of finding one are low. Just something so that he spends a few days trying to figure out where you are and you can safely go elsewhere w/out him knowing.

Limp_Sherbert_5169 −  What he did was petty and wrong, but you’re certainly being incredibly vague about the important details. We only have your side of the story when it comes to why you’re getting divorced, and you admit that his medical condition is a major reason you’re choosing to divorce him now… so I’m not sure you’re much better. Until you provide more details about the cause of the divorce or his medical condition I’m saying ESH.

SwordfishPast8963 −  My mom had an affair that lasted years, starting right after my fathers cancer diagnosis and as his kidney disease got bad. My dad told me all about it, or so I thought. He smeared her image with telling me how she cheated over his health. I was angry for years before I grew up and came to terms with the fact that my father, god rest his soul, was a very a**sive man. And she got it as bad as I did.

She cheated because she needed SOMEONE to rely on and listen. She just needed someone. I’m 22 now and I still don’t think what she did was “right”, but I now understand. and she is my best friend. The commenter that said your relationship with your kids is a marathon and not a sprint was completely right. Be patient. They will come to see this for what it was.

JudgeJoan −  Things to share with your lawyer for $1000…

gringaellie −  He is a p**cho. Take a photo of the notes in the boxes with the wrapping paper around it and blast him on social media. Let everyone know what a p**cho he is to hurt his kids this way.

NutAli −  You both agreed to do it after Christmas, so he should not have ruined their Christmas by putting such an evil note in with their gifts – that’s on HIM, and HIM ALONE!!! BUT, unfortunately, you did escalate it by blowing up, though tbh, I can’t say anything bad about that because I honestly think I’d have done the same and actually have thrown him out on his arse!

I really hope your kids forgive you and realise just what an evil thing their dad did!! Ignore the relatives as much as you can and try not to respond to what they say as they, too, will be saying things in the heat of the moment.. Good luck.