AITAH for breaking up with my partner because I’m “Transphobic”

A Redditor shares a situation where he recently broke up with his partner of six months after his partner came out as a transgender woman. While the Redditor expresses support for the LGBT community and identifies as gay.

He feels that he wouldn’t be attracted to his partner if she transitioned or began presenting as a woman. His partner accused him of being transphobic, and while he understands why she’s upset, he wonders if he handled the situation poorly. Read the original story below…

‘ AITAH for breaking up with my partner because I’m “Transphobic”?’

I (30M) have been seeing my partner (29MTF) for the last six months. We met on a dating app and surprisingly enough we hit it off and actually had a pretty good relationship going.

A few days ago she came to me and told me that she had been working through some stuff and was finally comfortable to come out as MTF transgender and intended to start making changes in how she lived her life.

For the record, I support all members of the LGBT community since I am one lol but, I am 100% gay and prefer masculinity over femininity when it comes to guys. I told her I was so happy for her but that we wouldn’t really be able to continue dating seeing as I wouldn’t be attracted to her if she got a s** change, or even just began dressing as a woman.

She immediately freaked out and called me transphobic since I clearly only liked her for her physical appearance and not her as a person. I tried to have a civil conversation but she left and hasn’t talked to me since.

I know I’m not wrong for believing the relationship would have to end but I feel like maybe the way I handled the situation poorly and deserved the anger that was directed at me. AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend of six months after she came out as MTF transgender?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

RochesterThe2nd −  I’m a heterosexual man. I wouldn’t date a man. That doesn’t make me h**ophobic, it makes me straight. You’re gay, you don’t date women, that doesn’t make you transphobic, it makes you gay.. NTA

SwayAlongTheStrings −  NTA. Going from what you’re saying, you laid it out with reason and respect. If you’re into men, then it wouldn’t work out anyways and it’s best to part ways without wasting each other’s time. There’s nothing transphobic in that. On top of that I don’t think you would even have to explain yourself for breaking up. It’s your decision who you want to be with or not.

ThroneofZeus −  You are always free to have preferences in whom you date. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.. NTA.

Axiluvia −  Speaking as someone who is married to someone that started transitioning after being married for several years (and still staying with her); You’re NTA. Most relationships that trans people have tend to break up when they start transitioning. And this is NOT ANYONE’S FAULT.

It is not their fault for wanting to transition, and it is not their partner’s fault for not being interested in whatever gender they’re becoming! The ENTIRE POINT of the LGBTQIA+ community is to say “Hey, you’re allowed to be interested in who you’re interested in!” WHICH ALSO MEANS YOU’RE ALLOWED TO NOT BE INTERESTED IN SOMEONE.

It’s not transphobic. It’s not h**ophobic. It’s not f**phobic. It’s not whatever-phobic they want to throw at you. You, and everyone else SHOULD be allowed to have your own s**ual interests, and say “Nope, not interested”. You’re allowed to not be interested in people with tattoos, with scars, with piercings, with yak amounts of body hair

(fun fact: a lot of chest hair pieces are made from a mix of human and yak hair!), with ideals different then yours, if they do/don’t want kids and you want the opposite, all sorts of reasons! I’m demisexual, which is why I didn’t care as much about my wife transitioning, and more about any possible personality changes.

But most people aren’t (and there’s ace erasure too, which demi is under the umbrella of…) So no, NTA, and to be honest, she sounds a bit hypocritical if they’re only interested in men.

GrizzRich −  NTA. you’re gay, she’s a woman. These are incompatible.

Appropriate_Pressure −  You’re literally validating her gender identity. You are gay. You are not attracted to women. She is a woman.

Mrs_Inflatable −  Trans woman here. You’re NTA and ending a relationship with a trans person transitioning into a gender you’re not into is the right thing to do when that happens. It’s actually the opposite of transphobic. That’s saying ‘I see you so much as a woman now that my gay self can’t get into it’ and that’s pretty validating.

BadgeringMagpie −  NTA. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She needs to realize that she can’t transition and expect a gay man to stay attracted to her.

WolfgangVolos −  If you’re vegan and you’ve been eating at a vegan restaurant for the past six months are you wrong to want to stop eating there when the place announces it will change into a Texas Steakhouse? No, obviously not. These kinds of situations are very straightforward. I get confused how people don’t understand them.

Minimalist12345678 −  NTA, also, partner is a little bit insane in feeling entitled to switch to being 100% opposite to what you are into and to still be someone that turns you on. That’s quite bizarre.

Do you think the Redditor was wrong for ending the relationship after his partner’s transition, or was he justified in wanting to move on given his preferences? How would you handle a situation where a partner’s gender identity changes and impacts your attraction? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/wYnxc