AITAH for breaking up with GF over cousins wedding?
A Reddit user shared his story about a heated argument that led to the end of his two-year relationship. The conflict arose when his girlfriend’s graduation and his cousin’s wedding were scheduled for the same day.
The man, who had a close bond with his cousin, tried to find a compromise by attending both events but skipping the celebrations. However, his girlfriend was upset, feeling that he wasn’t prioritizing her on her special day.
After a tense argument in which emotions ran high, the man stormed out, packed his belongings, and broke off the relationship. Now, his ex-girlfriend has rallied mutual friends against him, claiming he was verbally abusive during their final fight.
Follow the full story below to see how this emotional breakup unfolded.
AITAH for breaking up with GF over cousins wedding?
So I (24m) had been with my (24f) gf for over 2 years. We’ve had some fights, but its been fairly solid throughout those years. This was going to be an important year for us. She was graduating for college, (I already did the year before), and we were going to be moving in together once she started working and could afford to split rent with me (I live with roommates).
It was also a big year for my cousin, we’ll call him Doug (24m). Now Doug is basically the closest thing I had to a brother growing up. We were only a month apart, and we grew up about 2 miles from each other. We spent every summer just bounces back and forth between our two houses. We got in lots of trouble, but we always had each others backs.
We were basically inseparable from birth until about middle school. We grew apart a bit as we got older: different friend groups, and very different interests. It wasn’t intentional. But we still love each other very much and would do anything for the other. Well, Doug got married this year. My gf was very excited about this, as it would be her first chance to meet a lot of my extended family.
I was super excited to introduce her as well. I remember they sent out the Save The Dates in like September or something. But I’m pretty bad with dates, so I don’t remember.
Anyway, fast forward to Spring, and my gf tells me about her graduation plans that her and her family have come up with. They were going to start the day at a nice restaurant with her extended family, and then go to the ceremony after and everyone would leave from there. Sounded great. Until I made the horrible realization that her graduation day was the same day as my cousins wedding.
I started panicking. I didn’t want to miss either one, so what was I going to do? The wedding venue was about an hour from the college campus. I looked at the timelines for everything and I realized I could make it work if I left right after the wedding ceremony and went straight to the graduation ceremony. Essentially missing both parties (super bummer), but being there for the important events.
I explained the situation to my gf, and told her how upset I was, but that I would still be able to make both. I asked if it was possible to move her party to after the graduation so I could still meet her family. At least this way one of us could. I also asked if she could be with me at the ceremony if we did this, I just didn’t know how early she had to be at the campus and lined up and all that.
Well, she got CRAZY upset at me for this. She said she was crushed that I didn’t “choose her.” And said how it was impossible for them to move the party bc one of her relatives wasn’t able to stay out late, and they already had a reservation at this restaurant, etc etc. She kept saying how important this party was to her and how she’s disappointed at me for missing it.
This went on for a good solid 15 minutes, where I was trying to come up with solutions and she was trying to tell me that skipping my cousins wedding entirely should’ve been an option and that I wasn’t making her the “priority” in my life.
At that point, I… f*cking… raged. I’ve literally never yelled at her once. But this time I couldn’t help it. I was so p*ssed. I told her off. I told her how s*lfish she was being. I told her she shouldn’t put this on me, I was trying to make the best of a bad situation. I told her my family would literally never make me choose, and if they did they would probably tell me not to choose them.
And that I didn’t want to be with someone who wasn’t able to say that. I grabbed what little s*it I had from her place, stormed out, blocked her number, and haven’t talked to her since. That day I packed up everything she had at my place and I mailed it back to her (we live like 40 minutes apart and I didn’t want to drive back).
Then I took myself off socials, deleted my own accounts. I had actually been wanting to do that for a while anyway, so this seemed like a good excuse to pull the trigger.
I enjoyed my cousins wedding. And btw, at the wedding my aunt (Doug’s mom) told me when she found out the situation from my mom, that she literally went and tried to MOVE THE DATE OF THE WEDDING FOR ME! They weren’t able to do it because the venue was really strict.
She actually apologized to me and said she felt bad she couldn’t do it. I told her that would’ve been insane to move the date for 200 people just for me. I couldn’t believe they even considered that. But it solidified in my mind that I made the right choice.
So why am I making this post? Because my now ex-gf has turned most of our mutual friends (to be fair they were mostly her friends first) against me. I keep getting texts from them saying how much of an AH I was that I didn’t even show up for her graduation ceremony.
And that apparently she was going to apologize, but I “didn’t give her a chance,” and that apparently she just wanted me to say I would choose her party over my cousins wedding and then she’d tell me not to do that. Also, I’ve been called a b*lly and a “verbal abuser” by 2 of these people for how I yelled at her, and that she was “scared to see me.”
This is BS, I’m the most passive guy on the planet. She’s just never seen me actually mad before, because it takes a LOT to make me mad. One of them sent me a text saying they were at a bar dancing with guys way cuter than me, and that I missed my shot. I just want it to stop.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
TLCheshire – “As soon as you said you got your stuff and left, I had a feeling…when you said you blocked her and mailed her stuff to her, I knew.Deep down, you didn’t want to be with her anymore.
I think your reaction was less about the actual situation and more about your subconscious seeing the relationship exit door was ajar and you ran through it like the Kool-Aid man. If you don’t have a history of irrational or impulsive behavior, then go with your first instinct to get the hell out.”
mlebrooks says:
“My cat’s nickname was Kool Aid Man. If the bathroom door wasn’t completely shut, he’d bust in like the Kool Aid Man to keep you company while you pooped. Picturing OP running through that relationship door like my cat would has me cackling.”
Emotional-Elephant88 says:
I agree. At first I was thinking his initial reaction was over-the-top. But when he said, “I don’t want to be with someone who … ” that’s when I figured this isn’t the first time gf has acted like this. And then the friends telling him she just wanted him to say he chooses her, so she can then grant him permission to do both?
Nah, gtfo with that nonsense. Just say it to begin with, instead of playing mind games. Either OP is in denial that this is who she is, or he’s been ignoring it and bottling it up … until now
RavenLunatyk says:
She is making you the bad guy to your “friends”. She did want you to choose her but never would have told you to go to the wedding. She was s*lfish. She didn’t accept a compromise.
It was her plans or nothing. Your cousin is important to you and you needed to be there for him and were willing to miss the reception which was a lot to give up. It wasn’t good enough.
And she expected you to make a grand gesture when she should have reached out and apologized first. You made the right choice. Girlfriends come and go but family is forever.
InvectiveDetective – apparently she just wanted me to say I would choose her party over my cousin’s wedding and then she’d tell me not to do that
OH HELLLLL NO.
I’ll take things that never happened for $1,000, Alex. What a l*ar, l*ar, pants on fire. She 100% was asking you to choose her over your family. She just doesn’t want to own it because it exposes her as the n*rcissist she is.
Even if you suspend disbelief, lobotomize yourself, and trust her, she comes off no better—playing games is ridiculously childish and immature.
Your “mutual friends” are not your friends. No one needs friends like that. Drop them like a bad habit. NTA.
SausageDogMama says:
NTA. question: when you left her place with your things after the fight, when the adrenaline stopped pumping, did you feel relieved? I left a t*xic marriage and there was nothing more stressful in my life than moving out and trying to take care of my kids on my own. But I mainly felt relieved.
Remarkable_Gold_4030 says:
I agree with you. OP did the right thing by breaking up with her and showing his worth by not playing these games with her. He tried to compromise the two situations with her and she didn’t even recognize that and just kept thinking of herself.
I applaud OP for making the decision to cut her off, it may seem extreme to others but it was necessary to shut down her narcissistic personality. This is a way to deal with n*rcissism.
Cutting them off to not put up with their narcissistic mind games and passive aggressive behaviors was the right move. You can tell OP is a reasonable and logical and caring person who knows his boundaries and his worth and he can spot when he is being disrespected.
Of course he couldn’t help but react to her 15 minute rage, how could you not react? His reaction was appropriate and he knew how to deal with her and the situation. If you continued a relationship with her, it would have gotten worse and wouldn’t last. She would have driven you crazy with her selfishness and demands.
You deserve much better and with someone who recognizes your efforts and cares about you the same as you care for them. Bravo OP, you dodged a huge bullet and a t*xic relationship with her!
Schlemiel_Schlemazel says:
A friend of hers communicated that she would’ve “”allowed him to go”, AFTER capitulation.
That was the “you should feel guilty” scenario. Reality, at best would have been “ I can’t believe you went and abandoned me” Good on OP for slamming the door hard. Makes crawl-backs on either side really tough.
This situation highlights the challenges of balancing relationships with personal commitments, especially when major life events overlap. Both partners seemed to have valid expectations, but communication quickly broke down as emotions flared.
The story raises important questions about priorities in relationships, managing conflicts, and whether compromises can be made when two important events collide. In the end, the fallout left both feeling hurt, with lingering doubts about whether the relationship could have been saved.
How would you have handled this situation? Share your thoughts on balancing commitments with a partner and family.
