AITAH for bluntly explaining to my wife why our kids like me more than her?

A Reddit user shared a story about a blunt conversation with his wife after she complained that their kids prefer spending time with him over her. He broke down how much more time he spends caring for the kids compared to her, explaining that it’s likely why they gravitate toward him.

Was he too harsh in his delivery, or was he simply being honest? Read the full story below and decide for yourself!

‘ AITAH for bluntly explaining to my wife why our kids like me more than her?’

My wife has been complaining recently that our kids always seem to prefer spending time with me over her. They never go to her for anything they need, it’s always me. I just answered that it’s because I spend more time with them than she does.

She stated that I don’t so I broke it down for her just point blank. Both kids are young and need parental supervision for everything. They wake between 5.30am and 6am. I am the one who gets up with them every single morning.

Wife gets up at 7.30am weekdays and about 9am weekends. Low end that’s 13.5 hours I spend more with them. I also do bedtime for both kids. That takes about 1 hour a night for baths and stories etc. that’s another 7 hours a week.

Wife also says she gets stressed / touched out a lot, I often take the kids with me to the supermarket or to the park or something to let her have along bath in peace or an afternoon nap.

Probably around 3.5 hours a week if we also.add in that I’m the one who also takes kids to all extra curriculars and picks them up. She does not ever have the kids on her own, the longest she does is the time it takes me to have a shower and dressed each morning.

So I just broke it down plainly like above. I effectively spend a full actual day more a week with them. I didn’t say it in any kind of a moaning way or anything like that, I do actually really enjoy spending time with them so I’m quite happy with the arrangement.

I just feel that she can’t complain that the kids don’t want to spend time with her when she spends proportionally so much less of her time with them. An I the a**hole for pointing this out?. Edit and an Update. Thank you all for your comments.

I wasn’t expecting this post to get anywhere near this traction and I will read them all. Something I missed in my original post – work. We own a business together, we both work at it 5 days a week 9.30-4.30. Its not stressful or particularly difficult work as the business has got to the stage where we are able to take a step back and it mostly runs itself.

Update. 18month old woke at 5.30am this morning. It’s now 7.30am and she’s still in bed so clearly our conversation had no impact. I don’t really care or have any desire to change things because I quite like how they are so I don’t plan to push it.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Serious-Ad9032 −  My dad used to be the one to do breakfast in the mornings, tell us stories at night, help us with homework, drop off/pick up from ballet lessons. He’d take us all on individual days out where he really gave us personal time.

He’d randomly just take me to art galleries or museums. He once, when I was probably 6 or 7 and we were visiting the uk cause we were living abroad, took me for a surprise day in London to go see absolutely everything to do with the great fire of London and Samuel Pepys (I was very interested in it). He knew all my interests and encouraged them so much.

This would be unheard of with my mum, we have nothing to talk about even today. I don’t think she really knows me. I actually can’t think of many childhood memories I have with her. They had a messy breakup. My mum is very cold with me but my dad was super emotional and was my best friend (he passed away in 2015).

My mum has never been able to grasp how close I was to my dad and why I love him more than anybody and it angers her and she really resents me and she lets me know that. She tries to list the more practical reasons as to why she’s “better” than him, but all kids ever want/need/care about is their parents’ time. It’s so simple.

KooLoo81 −  NTA. If the tone was neutral and not demeaning then you have nothing to apologize for pointing out the specific examples of the time disparity.

[Reddit User] −  NTA but I think you’re focusing on the wrong reason for why. It’s not the difference in amount of time spent. It’s the lack of 1:1 time, you will never bond with your kids if you never have 1:1 time.

She does not ever have the kids on her own, the longest she does is the time it takes me to have a shower and dressed each morning. This is just sad, does she even like your kids?

ArreniaQ −  NTA, the clue that shows you is that she gets stressed so you take the kids away. Even tiny babies pick up on stress and will prefer to be with someone who is calm.
I find it really sad that their mother doesn’t want to cuddle with them in the early morning before the day starts or at bedtime.

Raisins_Rock −  This is a common occurrence – just usually reversed genders. I may be a little harsh here because I do not have children. But by telling your wife this you are empowering her to change the situation.

Therefore I think by plainly setting it out you are making her face reality. I didn’t have children in part because I was sure it would overwhelm me.

However, I did childcare quite a bit and this is just how it works – its not just about quantity of time either. The person who performs the children’s routines (predictable & familiar) with them regularly is the person children go to in need.

Parents can make it even enough that no parent is really preferred. So, if she doesn’t like it, she has to work to change the situation.. NTA

Popular_Error3691 −  Nta. She’s touched out with barely interaction? That’s a pretty bad sign of something else going on imo.

lilyofthevalley2659 −  It doesn’t sound like she enjoys being a mother.

butterfly-garden −  NTA. Your wife asked, you answered honestly.

rovyovan −  Hits home. Divorced my baby momma when daughter was 3. Daughter has been my companion for 23 years. Periodically she complains about her mom guilting her to spend time together. That ship sailed 20 years ago. Definitely not the a**hole.

practical_mastic −  Why are you the a**hole for pointing out she doesn’t act like a mother? Truth hurts. You do bed time every night? It’s weird to me she wouldn’t want to do that at least sometimes. Bath and story time are the best.

Kids say the cutest and sweetest things at nite nite. She’s checked out, so it’s no surprise. Sleeping in every day, taking naps and baths, no bedtime routine. She rejects her own children.

Whether it’s laziness, indifference or whatever… she’s not very bright if she doesn’t see a correlation. She should be prepared to always be second best if she continues this indifferent, unloving attitude. She doesn’t parent.

Was the Redditor justified in pointing out the imbalance in parental involvement, or could he have approached the conversation more tactfully? How would you handle a situation where one partner feels left out in parenting? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!