AITAH for blocking some family members over expensive Secret Santa lists.. again?

A Reddit user shared another frustrating holiday experience involving her family’s Secret Santa tradition. After last year’s chaos with extravagant wishlists, tensions flared again when attempts to simplify the process turned into accusations and heated arguments. Read the full story below to find out how this year’s drama unfolded!

‘ AITAH for blocking some family members over expensive Secret Santa lists.. again?’

Hey guys, wish i didn’t have to come here again with such a ridiculous story about my family during Christmas time yet again.. but here we are! For reference, I made a post last year about crazy SS requirements from my family. You guys gave me enough balls to put my foot down this time around, so let’s recap..

Last year: About 20 SS participants, a mix of adults and kids. No budget, but everyone was required to submit a wishlist. Deviations not allowed. Some people went wild with requests—trips to Bali, designer bags, etc. My recipient, Eliza, had one of those lists, and I could only afford a $60 gift card. Didnt go over well.

The fallout? Eliza wasn’t happy, other luxury-listers weren’t happy, and the whole thing turned into chaos because some lists were followed, some weren’t.. This year
Liam, the person who spearheaded these absurd rules in the first place, calls an emergency meeting in our group chat about how to handle SS this year.

Liam’s big idea? Stick with last year’s format, but pair participants with matching budgets—luxury givers with luxury listers. The catch? If the random draw doesn’t line up perfectly, we’d have to re-roll names or manually swap within the group. Uhhh.

A few of us were upset. This seemed overly complicated. Addison suggested splitting into two groups: one for those who Ike Liam’s approach and another for a more traditional format.

Liam FLIPS OUT. He got crazy rude, accusing Addison of trying to “split up the family” and me for stirring the pot. According to him, everything ran smoothly before I got involved last year (Addison confirmed this is a lie—it was actually worse).

I mention to Liam that this is extremely hurtful to be accused of, and that there may be a way to appease everyone if we have an open convo about what we’re looking for. I explain that I prefer a more traditional SS for the ease as well as the budget restrictions being easy on the pocket. Plus I love giving thoughtfully.

We each take turns explaining, with various reasons: some not having as much money right now, some wanting to spend their bonus on a good gift for someone, stress free gift giving…

Then we got to Liam. Instead of explaining his reasoning, he just kept saying, “It makes more sense this way.” Addison and I pressed him a bit, but he refused to elaborate. I finally said, “Look, if I didn’t know any better, it sounds like you’re just trying to hoard gifts.”

Liam exploded. He called me emotional, a Scrooge, and a Grinch. He even said I was trying to control everyone. I was honestly shocked. To make it worse, some family members (not coincidentally, the luxury-listers) texted me afterward to say I was out of line for asking Liam to explain himself.

At that point, I was done. I told everyone that if they can’t see how unreasonable it is to alienate family members who can’t afford these over-the-top lists and Beats Headphones, I don’t want to be involved in any capacity.. AITAH?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Unusual-restaurant14 −  NTA, half of your family sounds extremely entitled and this is the opposite of the Christmas spirit.

Traditional_Mud5758 −  I just wouldn’t participate. I don’t need a gift, I don’t need to get anyone a gift. You all have fun without me, I’ll buy myself something I enjoy.

Embarrassed_Hat_2904 −  Trips to Bali for a secret Santa gift? What kind of rich people s**t is this???

adjudicateu −  Right. This is like weird extortion. if you are so particular about gifts and you want expensive things, buy them your own damn self. NTA. This is a great way to make Christmas toxic.

gruntbuggly −  NTA. Spending other people’s money does crazy things to people. Wishlists for a Secret Santa is about as dumb a thing as I’ve ever heard. The best thing my family ever did was go to a $25 spending limit on a white elephant party for everyone over 18.

There were some bent feeling for the first couple of years, but eventually people started really getting into it. People would buy $25 bottles of wine or liquor from places they travelled to, or outrageous gifts from the “As Seen on TV” store in the mall, or nice candles, or fluffy super-soft blankets.

And it took money completely out of everyone’s equation, and made Christmas more about spending quality time with family. Which in turn actually made family members start coming to Christmas, instead of avoiding the prior toxicity.

BeautifuIMuse −  NTA. Your family’s Secret Santa shouldn’t feel like a high-stakes auction; it’s supposed to be about thoughtfulness, not wealth.

kmflushing −  Don’t participate.

BigPianist8326 −  NTA, This is why the Grinch stole everyone’s s**t!

MissKKnows −  Option 3 — opt out. It’s possible others will join you. Be brave. “I decline to participate but will bring some snacks”

4MuddyPaws −  I’m wondering: Who is Liam and who gave him the authority to make these rules for everyone?