AITAH for being upset and want to file for a divorce when my wife went behind my back and become a surrogate for her best friend and her husband?

A Reddit user shared their emotional turmoil after discovering that their wife secretly became a surrogate for her best friend, despite his objections. With trust shattered and feeling betrayed by her decision to go through the process without his knowledge or consent, he decided to leave and is considering divorce. Read the full story below to understand the complexities of this heartbreaking situation.

‘ AITAH for being upset and want to file for a divorce when my wife went behind my back and become a surrogate for her best friend and her husband?

Hello. First of all, I apologise if I made any mistake because I never use Reddit. But I just need outside opinions because a lot of people around me seem to tell me I’m overreacting. My niece suggested to post in this subreddit “to open my eyes” so here I am.

First of all, I(31M) has been married to my wife(31F) for four years. We met during highschool, dated and got married. I’m an introvert but not antisocial. I can socialise just fine but for some reason, I’ve never liked her best friend since highschool, E(31F). She always gives me the bad vibes. She’s an extrovert. But to me, she’s just someone who often oversteps people’s boundaries under the guise of being friendly.

Since we started dating, E has always meddled in our relationship, saying that my wife was too good for a “nerd” like me, that my only redeeming quality was my face. I did tell E to stop, and she did. Now, E is more subtle and passive-aggressive.

A year ago, E and her husband of two years visited her in our house. It was weekend so I was at home, helping my wife taking care of our three year old son who was still two year old at that time. After I put my son to sleep in his crib upstairs, I went down and overheard their conversation about starting medical procedures for surrogacy. I was appalled and asked them what were they talking about.

The three were shocked to see me downstairs. I told them I absolutely disagree especially since my wife’s first pregnancy was very difficult. I was visibly upset and asked why they made this decision without consulting me. E made her own choice to have her tubes tied at 26, so why can’t she consider someone younger or look into adoption? Why does it have to be my wife?

Argument started and I told them to leave. Later that day, my wife showed a text from E that she and her husband apologised and won’t proceed with the plan. Last Monday, my wife felt unwell. I took her to the hospital despite her protest, where we found out she was pregnant. I was both happy and worried because of her first pregnancy. She was unusually quiet on the drive home. She then admitted she had secretly undergone IVF procedures since last year.

I asked her how she was sure it was not mine, she told me after every session, she was told to not do the deed for two weeks. I remembered that sometimes, she would refuse because of “stress” from work and I always respected that.

I felt heartbroken, betrayed, and disrespected. It felt like it was the last straw. She always sided with E and tried to downplay E’s disrespectful behaviour towards me. So, I packed a bag with essentials and left to my parents’ house. Before I leave, I told her I will file for a divorce and told my three year old son that I would be going for a “business trip”.

I haven’t pick up her calls or responded her texts ever since, and I miss my son but couldn’t talk or see him without seeing her. Seeing her would hurt me more. E and her husband never reached out to me, showing how little respect they have towards me.

My parents, elder sister and my brother in law are on my side, but my friends, the rest of her family and some of my relatives told me to reconsider and think about our three year old son. I admit I’ve been crying and drinking all week. The ones who on her side told me that I shouldn’t be controlling and that her body, her choice.

It was not my intention but I was just hurt, sad and disappointed. I truly love her. Why am I upset? Why am I disappointed? I’m not the one that likes to be vulnerable and make a post about it but here I am.. So AITAH? Tell me.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

LostMyLastAccSomehow −  You’re NTA. The blatant lies and disrespect and treating you like an i**ot. There’s more that you don’t know about, I promise you that. Get the hell out dude.

Dresden_Mouse −  NTA. You know how I know you are right? Because she lied, for months and months knowing she was doing something wrong. Talk to a lawyer and protect your kid custody and more in the divorce, there is no going back knowing where you are in her list of priorities.

Mother_Search3350 −  Your wife is a monumental AH and a POS.. Her body, her choice…  Lawyer up, get that divorce so she can be free to do whatever TF she wants to do with her body. 

Her b!tch friend and the husband can take her in and look after her and their baby and if the pregnancy unalives her, all the flying monkeys shouting ‘her body, her choice’ can pony up money to have that epitaph engraved on her tombstone . NTAH .

Admirable-Base2796 −  Nta, And I doubt very seriously that it was thru IVF. I would get the lawyer immediately and just call it quits and fight for your son. Cheating is cheaper than IVF treatments.

Leather-Hand-4947 −  Your wife sucks. She has no respect for your relationship or the burden this puts on you. It’s a decision that has to be made together. She didn’t think of you or your son. You both deserve better.

ChibiSailorMercury −  …i doubt the veracity of the post because how does one undergoes IVF treatments without their husband noticing? The pills, the syringes (some injections have to be refrigerated), the appointments… Like, if it’s true, obviously you’re ntah, but…it’s just all unlikely…

Also, you guys are married and in a lot of places, you could block the adoption process towards the biological parents or at least make it more complicated, so everybody would have needed to have you on board instead of hiding it in from you. And what was your wife’s plan? Let you know about the pregnancy once she’s showing?. So many questions.

kpeds45 −  Lol, how many fake surrogate stories is this now?

Oberyn_Kenobi_1 −  This exact same story has appeared like five times already. Fake.

Dragon_Bidness −  Rip off of the post where the husband’s wife had her twin sisters kid. Faaake.