AITAH for banning my sister in law for Christmas?

It’s fascinating how a simple holiday plan can become a ticking time bomb when unresolved family conflicts come to light. One moment you’re decorating the Christmas tree, humming carols under your breath, and the next you’re tangled in a tense debate about who’s welcome at the holiday dinner. Family gatherings, as cozy as they can be, often dredge up old wounds and test the patience of even the most diplomatic among us.

In our story today, the heart of the friction lies between two sisters and a husband who’s had enough of being disrespected. He’s held back his disappointment, tried to keep the peace, and even bent a boundary or two—only to be met with more hurt. As the holidays loom, the tension is about to bubble over. Let’s dive into this saga and see how things are unfolding behind the scenes.

‘ AITAH for banning my sister in law for Christmas?’

I (35m) and my wife (39F) have been married 5 years now. I get along with her whole family except her younger sister. Her younger sister has always spoken bad about me since we started dating. Mostly I get the sense she thinks I am not good enough for her sister and I shouldn’t be trusted.

Never have shown her anything to not be trusted but she feels that way regardless. I’m a lawyer and a few years ago she was having some legal issues and needed advice. I told my wife that I am not giving her advice because first the type of legal advice she was seeking was not my specialty.

Second I do not want to get involved with providing legal advice to family members that’s my personal boundary. I offered to connect her to a colleague who can better assist. My wife pressured me and I gave in.

I sat with her and heard her issue and gave her my opinion which turned out to be pretty straightforward. She did not like my opinion and cussed me out called me an i**ot and said I don’t know s**t and flipped me off. I was livid as I was disrespected just trying to help. I let my wife know I want nothing to do with her.

Turns out my legal opinion turned out to be true and she got fucked over for not listening to me. In any case now when I see her I’m cordial but I can never forget the disrespect .My wife told me last night that her sister and her family are coming over for Christmas.

I told her no way is she welcome in my house until I receive a genuine apology. I told her I’m not going to pretend like nothing happened. My wife says that it was long time ago and I need to get one it and I’m vindictive. She said I’m keeping her from being with her family for Christmas .. AITAH?

Navigating family relationships can be challenging, particularly when dealing with difficult in-laws. This redditor’s situation highlights the tension that can arise when one family member consistently disrespects another. It’s a common dilemma: how do you balance family obligations with protecting your own emotional well-being?

The core issue here is the OP’s decision to exclude his sister-in-law from Christmas celebrations due to a past incident where she verbally abused him after he offered her legal advice. Despite the sister-in-law’s later misfortune proving the OP’s advice correct, he has not forgotten the disrespect and refuses to allow her into his home until he receives a genuine apology.

In-law conflicts are a common source of stress in relationships. A 2015 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that in-law relationships can be a significant predictor of marital satisfaction. Disagreements about boundaries, communication styles, and family expectations can all contribute to conflict.

“Healthy relationships require clear boundaries and mutual respect,” says Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert. “It’s important for couples to present a united front when dealing with in-laws and to prioritize their relationship with each other above all else.” Dr. Gottman also emphasizes the importance of open communication and addressing conflict constructively.

The OP’s decision to set a boundary with his sister-in-law is understandable, given the level of disrespect he experienced. He has the right to protect himself from further abuse.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Here are some candid takes from Reddit—unfiltered, straight to the point, and sometimes sprinkled with humor:
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It’s clear that the internet jury isn’t afraid to call out poor boundaries and disrespect. But do these hot takes mirror the full reality? That’s for you to decide.

Haikus_For_Freedom −  NTA. People in a relationship should never tolerate, let alone support, disrespect of their partner like that.

Ancient_Bicycles −  NTA. People who cannot treat you with respect should not be allowed in your safe space (your home). Your wife is a massive AH for not setting appropriate boundaries with her sister and refusing to be on your side.

Sensitive_Note1139 −  NTA. Tell your wife she can go to her sister’s place for Christmas. Then you aren’t keeping her from her family who is more important to her than you. It’s probably a good thing that your advice was true and she didn’t follow it.

She seems to be the type that if you were wrong and she followed it she would have sued you. I don’t know about lawyers, but I’ve had a few health care personnel mention how they can get sued for giving advice if something goes wrong.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. I can’t imagine even your wife thinks this is a toss up. She’s definitely just avoiding conflict. If your sister in law can’t accept your marriage and respect you in your own home, she has no right to be there. Setting these types of boundaries are key for your partner to respect you, and upholding them helps you respect yourself.

Your wife on the other hand is a complete AH. Let’s take a look at the list, shall we?  She owes you an apology for forcing you to give advice to someone whom you disliked and who didn’t respect you.

She owes you one for not supporting you when her sister behaved inappropriately, one for inviting her sister over without telling you, and one for disregarding your boundary thereafter. I would have a serious talk with your wife, both about her family, and her respect for you. Best of luck 🫶🏻

Bulky_Specialist9645 −  NTA. Incidentally it was your wife that caused the issue because she forced you to give SIL advice when you clearly said that doing so crossed your personal boundaries.  Now your wife is forcing you to allow SIL into your home. A lot of 🚩 with your wife. Maybe her and her sister really aren’t that different after all.

BonusMomSays −  Nope. NTA. I wouldnt let SIL in my house either. Wife can spend Xmas with SIL or you, her choice – if she chooses SIL, I’d suggest she take a bag big enough to hold all her stuff, bc locks will be changed and papers will be served as quickly as possible. In my mind, this is a divorce-able affront by OP’s own wife..

[Reddit User] −  NTA tell your wife, does she want the blow up now and to resolve it or does she want to wait for Christmas for that to happen.  You don’t resolve issues on holidays. It’ll bring disaster.  Make it less about the I don’t want her in my home part and more (because it’s true) your unresolved blow up between you and her.

I think you need to explain to your wife you need her in your side in this conflict because her behaviour dictates how her family treats you.  And what she tolerates from their bad behaviour without calling them into check gives them permission to continue.

Recommend neutral place, make it casual over coffee. Have someone with SIL and make sure your wife knows she’s NOT an unbiased third party in this, she needs to have your back. And straighten this out, definitely before Christmas. 

GrumpyLump91 −  Your wife is being a Richard Cranium. She’s picking your sister over you and that’s not OK. I know if it was me, I would tell her if she won’t respect me then I won’t be there on Christmas and if she’s ok with that then there’s going to be a very difficult conversation that’s going to be had after Christmas. F**k them both if she’s going to bail on her own husband.

2npac −  Has your wife apologized to you?

Endora529 −  NTA. I wouldn’t have anyone that cussed me out in my house for Christmas either; family or no family. Your wife should be defending you not her AH sister. It sounds like your wife and her sister don’t respect you at all. You should rethink your whole relationship.

In the end, every family has its own stumbling blocks. When respect and heartfelt apologies are on the table, even the prickliest issues can be smoothed over. What do you think? Have you ever been caught between loyalty and self-respect? What would you do if you were in this situation?