AITAH for asking my daughter what she expected would happen when she started a family across the country?

Family dynamics can be difficult to navigate, especially when distances and life choices cause tension. One Reddit user is facing this issue with her two daughters, Emma and Lizzie. Emma moved across the country after college, and though the user has tried her best to be emotionally present despite the physical distance, Emma has expressed frustration over not receiving enough of her mother’s time and attention, especially after seeing the closeness between her mother and sister Lizzie.

Emma even accuses her mother of having a “favorite grandchild.” Despite her mother’s efforts to explain the financial and time limitations of travel, Emma’s feelings remain hurt. The question: Is this mother in the wrong for not doing more to visit Emma?

‘AITAH for asking my daughter what she expected would happen when she started a family across the country?’

Expert Opinion:

From a psychological standpoint, the tension in this situation can be attributed to a mix of emotional needs and the reality of logistics. Dr. Emma Reynolds, a family therapist, explains that “living at a distance from family, especially after major life events like marriage or having children, can create feelings of isolation and resentment, especially if one child feels they are receiving less attention.”

In this case, Emma appears to be struggling with the emotional distance from her mother, likely feeling envious or left out as she witnesses Lizzie’s close relationship with her mom. While it’s understandable that Emma would want more time with her mother, it’s also important to recognize that the mother is trying to do as much as possible within her financial and work constraints.

The mother’s response, asking Emma what she expected when making the decision to move far away, is an important reminder that life choices often have consequences. Dr. Reynolds notes that “while emotional support is crucial, the physical demands of being a present family member become challenging when geographic separation is involved, especially when finances don’t allow for frequent travel.”

In a broader societal context, this situation reflects a common issue many families face: balancing the emotional needs of loved ones with the practical limitations of time and money. According to the Pew Research Center, more people are moving further from family to pursue career opportunities, but this comes with the challenge of maintaining close relationships from afar.

The situation exemplifies how different life choices can create unintended rifts or misunderstandings, especially when those affected have different expectations for what “support” should look like. What the mother is offering – consistent communication, financial support when possible, and regular visits – is an effort to bridge the gap between herself and her daughters. However, her response to Emma’s criticism also highlights the need for boundaries in relationships.

According to relationship experts, setting realistic boundaries, especially with adult children, is crucial for maintaining healthy dynamics. “It’s okay for parents to express their limitations,” Dr. Reynolds advises, “and for children to understand that love and support can take many forms.”

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Here’s what others had to say on Reddit:

While Emma’s frustration is understandable, her expectations may be unrealistic given the circumstances. The mother has made efforts to stay connected, even with the financial and logistical constraints, and it’s essential for Emma to acknowledge the limitations of these efforts.

Relationships require understanding, compromise, and respect for one another’s situations. If Emma truly wants more involvement, she may need to explore ways to bridge the gap, like visiting more often herself or helping with travel costs. What do you think? Has Emma’s frustration crossed a line, or is her desire for more support from her mother reasonable? Share your thoughts below!