AITAH for allowing our daughter to buy my ex-husband’s family Christmas gifts?

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A mother is faced with a dilemma when her daughter wants to buy Christmas gifts for everyone, including her father’s new girlfriend and her daughter. The mother, who is remarried and has a positive relationship with her current husband, gives her daughter money to purchase the gifts.

After informing her ex-husband, he calls it “weird” that the mother picked out gifts for his girlfriend and her daughter instead of him handling it. Now, the mother is wondering if she made the right choice.

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‘ AITAH for allowing our daughter to buy my ex-husband’s family Christmas gifts?’

Context and full disclosure – my ex husband and I have been divorced for nearly 10 years. He was physically a**sive, I cheated. We were both assholes in that relationship. We have a daughter together but divorced when she was very young.

Our daughter lives primarily with me – he sees her every other weekend. Since then I’m (very very happily) remarried and my husband is a fantastic step dad. We’ve been together 8 years, married for 3. Ex-husband has been through a few relationships.

His newest girlfriend he’s been with for a couple months – and she has a daughter much younger than ours. Our daughter is at an age where she wants to be independent and do some things herself.

This year she wanted to get Christmas gifts for everyone (including all of my ex’s family, and my new husband’s family). Obviously she doesn’t have her own money – so I transferred a set amount to her child’s debit card and we went shopping together.

I mostly just steered her away from choosing gifts that were too expensive. She chose things that were less than 10 dollars. She picked out all of the gifts – I wrapped them when we got home. They were things like hand cream sets, small Lego and duplo sets, socks, hats… pretty generic Christmas gifts.

Along with her aunts and uncles, she wanted to get my ex’s new girlfriend and her daughter gifts as well. When I let my ex know by text that we would have a bag of gifts for everyone when he picks up our daughter for Christmas – I got called weird for picking out gifts on behalf of his girlfriend,

and that I should have told our daughter he would do that *for* her (but he hadn’t and hadn’t told me he would, and isn’t picking her up until after Christmas.)
I’m not going to tell my daughter any of this. I’ll just send her with the bag of gifts. AITAH for letting her pick things out or should I have left it up to my ex to handle?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

CosmicBabe77x −  Honestly, if your ex thinks you’re weird for letting your daughter spread some holiday cheer, he might just be jealous that you’ve got the holiday spirit and he’s stuck with a lump of coal! 🎄✨

RaymondBeaumont −  believe it or not, your priority is your daughter, not your ex-husband’s feelings. nobody is going to say you are an a**hole for allowing your daughter to buy christmas presents.

CassiaMist −  NTA. You’re encouraging your daughter’s independence and kindness by letting her choose gifts for everyone important in her life. That’s super supportive parenting, and it sounds like you’re making the holiday spirit really inclusive and positive for her! Your ex should probably just appreciate the gesture instead of making it awkward.

SpiceyPuppet −  I think it is super sweet of your daughter do that. I dont think you are the ahole in this. I believe he should be happy his daughter wants to pick out gifts for everyone including his new gf and her daughter.

Hopefully his gf likes that your daughter wanted to give her a gift that she chose out, I think that is really special. (Edit) And if it really means that much to him he can take her to pick out a gift too, I dont see the problem here I think he is just being a b**t.

petal_shadow −  You’re teaching your daughter kindness and independence. If he wanted to handle it, he should’ve stepped up first

enchantedberrybabe −  NTA. Your ex could’ve told you he planned to handle it if it mattered that much to him, but he didn’t. Sounds like he’s just being defensive because it makes him look like he dropped the ball. Don’t feel bad for doing something nice for your kid.

Illustrious_Bird9234 −  NTA he can buy his gf and her daughter two sets of gifts if HE pleases but I would frame it exactly how it is. “she went Christmas shopping with me and had a givers heart and wanted to pick everything out for everyone including your gf and her daughter you think you’d be happy with a daughter so thoughtful,

kind and inclusive but if it’s really such an issue you’re more than free to take her to get a second set of gifts for them. I’m sorry helping our daughter with gifts for me or my partner is an outrageous concept to you but it’s not in my house ”

bagismist −  NTA, your daughter sounds kind-hearted. Letting her choose gifts teaches thoughtfulness and independence.

etwetw −  NTA, you’re teaching your daughter kindness and independence. Your ex should appreciate her generosity.

Was OP wrong for allowing her daughter to buy gifts for her father’s new girlfriend and her daughter, or should she have left it up to her ex-husband to manage? How would you handle a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!

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