AITAH because I told my ex husband outside of our kids i don’t care about his life and I don’t owe his fiancé anything?

When past relationships fracture into messy new dynamics, it’s natural for lingering emotions to spill over—sometimes into blunt honesty. In this update, our storyteller, a 36‑year‑old mother, explains why she told her ex-husband, Tom, that she doesn’t care about his life—and that she owes his fiancé, Tammy, nothing (especially not pity).

After Tom left her two years ago for Tammy, she managed to navigate a divorce that awarded her custody and most assets. Although she remains civil for the sake of the kids, she’s made it clear that outside of what’s necessary for them.

She isn’t obligated to shoulder any emotional responsibility for her ex or his new partner. This post examines whether her no-nonsense attitude in this volatile family landscape makes her an AH or if she’s simply protecting herself from further hurt.

‘AITAH because I told my ex husband outside of our kids i don’t care about his life and I don’t owe his fiancé anything?’

Expert Opinion:

Experts in relationship boundaries and grief often note that it’s acceptable—and sometimes necessary—for individuals to set strict emotional limits after a painful breakup. Dr. Laura Markham, a psychologist specializing in post-divorce recovery, explains that “when a partner has caused deep emotional wounds,

it’s important to establish boundaries that protect your own healing, even if it means not offering sympathy for their current situation” (​). Similarly, communication expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes that while empathy is valuable, it should not come at the expense of your own emotional health.

“You are not obligated to extend compassion beyond what is necessary for mutual respect or for the sake of the children,” he notes. For our storyteller, her blunt honesty was a way to reclaim her emotional space and to signal that she’s not willing to rehash old wounds or support a relationship that no longer exists.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit community’s reactions have been mixed. Many users resonate with her perspective, applauding her for drawing a firm line after years of feeling sidelined by Tom and Tammy’s actions. They argue that if you’re no longer in a relationship with someone, you shouldn’t have to care about their current choices—especially if those choices continue to hurt you.

On the other hand, some commenters suggest that for the sake of the children and maintaining a semblance of civility, showing at least a modicum of empathy might help ease tensions over time. However, a common thread among most responses is that she is well within her rights to prioritize her own healing and protect her emotional boundaries.

At the end of the day, this isn’t merely about a few harsh words—it’s about reclaiming your life after profound loss and betrayal. Our storyteller isn’t saying she’s heartless; she’s simply asserting that she no longer owes her ex or his new partner any emotional energy, outside of what’s necessary for her children’s well-being. In a situation where past pain continues to cast a long shadow, setting firm boundaries can be an essential act of self-care.

So, AITA? Or is her no-nonsense stance a justified means of protecting herself from further hurt? How do you balance the need for self-protection with the expectations of being empathetic for the sake of family harmony? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.