AITAH – banned from a sub cause a lawyer told us she is divorcing her cheating husband and I asked, “you didn’t add an infidelity clause in your pre-nup?”
A Reddit user, a lawyer, shared their story of being banned from a legal-focused subreddit after asking a fellow user about the presence of an infidelity clause in her prenup. The user had posted about divorcing her cheating husband, and the lawyer’s comment was intended to offer practical legal advice.
However, the moderators deemed the question unprofessional, leaving the user wondering if they were in the wrong. Read the full story below to see the details and the user’s perspective on this situation.
‘ AITAH – banned from a sub cause a lawyer told us she is divorcing her cheating husband and I asked, “you didn’t add an infidelity clause in your pre-nup?” ‘
Definitely wondering if AITAH here. I am in a sub full of lawyers, and OP posted about how she is divorcing her husband who is cheating on her and how she is looking for a new job because she’ll be a single woman now.
The lawyer in me goes, “an infidelity clause could be a safeguard for alimony in case the marriage dissolves.” Also this is a sub of all lawyers, talking about marriage dissolving and contracts is typical. I admit I am not a woman, so maybe I am biased here but I asked her:
“Damn so sorry to hear that. you didn’t add an infidelity clause in your pre-nup?” Well, after posting that comment the Mods banned me for breaking their rule: No incivility and unprofessional behavior. What? I was genuinely asking a follow-up question to a subject that OP directly brings up herself.. AITAH?!?
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
VegetableBusiness897 − I got banned from a sub where OP called her mother a monster in the title. I gave a pretty tame judgement, but called OPs mother ‘momster’. Permanent ban…whatever…
trapcardx − OP deleted their account and is just gonna make a new one to rejoin the community 😭😭
epeeist42 − YTA. I looked at that thread. Thread was titled and about changing jobs in law, and mentioning for context that divorcing. The original post said nothing about a pre-nup.
Many people get married without signing a pre-nup, maybe it was before they became a lawyer, or romantic, or whatever, the point is without a time machine no going back to change things, so OP here’s comment was useless and totally unhelpful and not responsive to the original post in that thread,
they’re the one (OP here) who chose to bring up the useless advice about a pre-nup that wasn’t responsive. Also, from looking at the rules, even if OP didn’t violate incivility (I think OP did), it was hugely off-topic because rule says all posts must be related to working at large law firms.
Telling someone they should have had a clause in their pre-nup, when they may not have even had one, is totally off-topic and some reddits take off-topic more seriously than others. Or, it may have just been, violate the no-a**hole rule, get kicked.
DogTheBotHunter − What was the post even about? If someone was posting asking for job help and you responded with chastising them for not having a good prenup then it’s clear you broke the rules
stormsway_ − The problem is that your framing of question is inappropriate and does not do anything other than chastise the person for past decisions. Asking “is there a prenup?”
Is a relevant question because it could provide relevant context. But saying “you didn’t get a prenup?” in that way served no purpose, other than to imply that she is responsible for the actions of her a**sive partner.
Secure-Current-4588 − YTA. Asking about a pre-nup in that context definitely comes off as a bit tone-deaf, especially when someone’s dealing with a painful situation. It might have been a genuine question, but sometimes timing and empathy are key. A little sensitivity goes a long way!
Internal-Student-997 − What was the point of asking? Do you have access to time travel? Or are you just a condescending d**k?
Your parents should have explained the concept of “inside thoughts” to you by now, considering that you’re a f**king adult with a law degree.
Here’s something that is taught in preschools and elementary schools:. Before you speak, THINK.. – T – is it true?. – H – is it helpful?. – I – is it inspiring?. – N – is it necessary?. – K – is it kind? Sometimes, you just gotta shut the hell up, dude. You can do it – I have faith in you.
Responsible_Blood789 − The discussion about the CEO shooting was discussing security, all I said was security is all well and good but won’t help stop a sniper at two hundred meters. I was advocating violence, apparently, who knew.. Three day ban
genescheesesthatplz − Does that sub mean so much to you that you feel the need to argue with people here?
Double-Resolution179 − Mods rules are mods rules. Best to accept it and move on rather than waste your time infuriated with something unlikely to change. (Also they won’t tell you because that gives people insight into how to carefully skirt the rules but not break them)
I expect the question was off topic and without context comes off as somewhat accusatory and victim blaming. He cheated, doesn’t matter if there was a pre-nup or a cheating clause. But that’s just me and again without context.
Not going to say AH or not because it’s really the context that matters… but even then not really cause see paragraph one. Mods are gonna do what they’re gonna do. Distract yourself for a bit and you’ll forget all about it by next week.
Do you think the user’s question about the infidelity clause was inappropriate in a legal context, or was it a reasonable follow-up given the situation? How would you handle a similar situation where you’re trying to help but get reprimanded instead? Share your thoughts below!