AITA: Went to birthday brunch that went most of the day. Husband is mad ?

A woman planned a birthday brunch with friends, which ended up lasting until evening. Although she informed her husband she wasn’t sure when she’d be home, he was upset when she returned late, smelling of alcohol and too tired to engage with their child.

They later discussed the issue, with the husband expressing concern over her safety and feeling stuck at home waiting all day. She apologized for not communicating better and acknowledged she should have skipped the last drink. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA: Went to birthday brunch that went most of the day. Husband is mad ?’

I took a day off work and planned to have a brunch with some girlfriends to celebrate my birthday. When I was leaving my husband asked me what time I expected to be home and I told him honestly, I didn’t know. I got there for the reservation at 11:00 but my two friends were running late.

I sat at the bar and had a drink. At 11:45 we got a table and I got a second drink. My 2nd friend arrived at 12:30 and we all ordered another round. We left the restaurant at 1:30 and I knew I wasn’t able to drive so we walked around. There was another place doing happy hour and they said they wanted a beer.

I went in and asked for water. They bought me a drink too. I drank it and then said I was done. At this point it was 2:45 and my husband texted asking how much longer I was going to be. I told him truthfully that I wasn’t able to drive and had drank more than I intended to.

I ended up driving at 5:40pm and got home around 6:15. When I got home my husband didn’t talk to me or look at me. Our 3 year old was very happy to see me. I was exhausted at this point from the sun and alcohol. I actually dozed off a few times on the couch. Around 9pm I finally asked him what was wrong.

He shook his head. I told him I could tell something was wrong. He said ” you were gone all day, then came home trashed and exhausted.” I told him I wasn’t trashed, I wouldn’t have driven if I was still drunk. He told me I “reeked of alcohol.”

I said yes, because I drank a bit and when you drink you’re still going to smell a bit like alcohol. He shook his head again and hasn’t said anything to me since. It’s 11:30pm and I want to go to sleep, but I can’t because he’s still in the living room ignoring me and I can’t fall asleep with him like this.

AITA? I could have not had that last drink and been home an hour or so earlier, but I was celebrating my birthday and now I feel like an a-hole.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

alien_overlord_1001 −  YTA. You said you were having brunch, and showed up home too drunk to drive after 6pm? And you are wondering why he is annoyed with you? Brunch is between breakfast and lunch, and usually does not include dinner.

Edit – nothing wrong with having a day out, but you don’t tell your partner its brunch if you aren’t intending to come home until evening.

RamsLams −  NTA. Y’all are crazy? She had no plans with the husband, she communicated clearly, and it was still early evening when she got home. She was gone from home for seven hours. That’s it. Celebrating her birthday. How in the world does that make her an ass?

And how is giving your partner the silent treatment and being a pouty baby and not communicating with them when they are communicating clearly with you not an a**hole move? Y’all are wild

whyarethenamesgone1 −  Soft YTA. So you came home smelling of alcohol, had already told him you couldn’t drive because you had been drinking and then drove home a couple hours later anyway, and proceeded to nap on the sofa? Is that how he would have seen the events?

I think he may be jumping to the fairly understandable conclusion you drove home under the influence, and still were feeling it, which would be reckless. I’d be annoyed if my partner did that. That’s without the non-commital time stuff, which although stuff happens and things run over from time to time, it can be frustrating.

If you got pulled over on the way home how confident are you that you’d pass a breathalyser? Just block the day out next time and get a taxi/lift or something. Saves the frustration and let’s you have a better time not worrying about driving/getting back.

MurdiffJ −  NTA this comment section reeks of sexism. You did the responsible thing by not driving until you were ready. There is nothing wrong with going out and drinking to celebrate your birthday when you are a mother, especially since you spent your actual birthday with your family.

As you said it would have been better if you didn’t have that last drink, but unless this is a pattern your husband’s multi hour cold shoulder was an over reaction. He isn’t wrong to be annoyed it turned into an all day thing, but he could have just expressed that to you like an adult.

[Reddit User] −  Nta. Men literally go out on a sat or Sunday all the time and don’t “know when they’re gonna be back”. And just come home whenever the f they feel like it. Then it’s, “oh we met up with buddies”, or “we decided to go to the track”, they don’t ask permission nor do they always nail down an end time.

She answered her husband when he texted or called at 245pm when he wanted to know how much longer it would be. She was both honest, respectful, in communication, and safe. Someone spilled a drink on her, so that’s why she smelled of alcohol.

The second a woman does anything the way a man regularly does ONE freaking time in a blue moon, people get bent out of shape.. Nta.

rememberimapersontoo −  NTA. your kid was safe with his other parent and your husband is a grown man. this sub just can’t stand the idea of a mom still being a person and having a little fun smh. your husband would maybe have reason to be pissed if this was a regular thing but it ain’t.

amidnightalley −  I love everyone downvoting all the NTA posts- you’re NTA for this yeah it went later than intended but you were having fun with your friends that you probably don’t see that often because you have a toddler celebrating your birthday.

Brainjacker −  YTA for driving under the influence and leaving your husband to care for your kid all day with no indication as to when you’d be back. 

IAmInCa −  YTA – if you came home and were extremely apologetic for ditching your husband and child for your birthday dinner, it would’ve been a bit different. Giving you the benefit of the doubt that something like this does not happen frequently, but most of the time people who do blow off their family claim it’s not a regular occurrence.

Unless your husband is a controlling a**hole and doesn’t give you breathing room to socialize as you wish with your friends, there’s no good excuse. If I did this to my lovely wife and child I would feel like the biggest a**hole on the planet.

It is your birthday, yes, but it is also your obligation and should be your pleasure to celebrate it with your family. It sounds like you love them both very much and they are good people. When you blow them off it is as if you’re rejecting their love and importance on this day.

Next time consider celebrating with your friends on a day other than your birthday. That’s what most people do, or they adhere to a reasonable schedule.
This isn’t the biggest deal in the world if you really only did this once, so apologize (profusely) and move on.. I wish all of you the best.

skilliniho −  YTA.You didn’t keep him updated and basically left him in the dark. You replied to 1 text but that still didn’t give him any indication of when you’d be home. Plus brunch does not last that long! You’re an adult, you should know how to manage your time, be responsible and COMMUNICATE. You owe your husband an apology

Was the husband’s frustration justified, or should the wife have more room to celebrate her birthday? Share your thoughts below!