AITA: Went to birthday brunch that went most of the day. Husband is mad ?
A woman planned a birthday brunch with friends, which ended up lasting until evening. Although she informed her husband she wasn’t sure when she’d be home, he was upset when she returned late, smelling of alcohol and too tired to engage with their child.
They later discussed the issue, with the husband expressing concern over her safety and feeling stuck at home waiting all day. She apologized for not communicating better and acknowledged she should have skipped the last drink. Read the original story below…
‘ AITA: Went to birthday brunch that went most of the day. Husband is mad ?’
I took a day off work and planned to have a brunch with some girlfriends to celebrate my birthday. When I was leaving my husband asked me what time I expected to be home and I told him honestly, I didn’t know. I got there for the reservation at 11:00 but my two friends were running late.
I sat at the bar and had a drink. At 11:45 we got a table and I got a second drink. My 2nd friend arrived at 12:30 and we all ordered another round. We left the restaurant at 1:30 and I knew I wasn’t able to drive so we walked around. There was another place doing happy hour and they said they wanted a beer.
I went in and asked for water. They bought me a drink too. I drank it and then said I was done. At this point it was 2:45 and my husband texted asking how much longer I was going to be. I told him truthfully that I wasn’t able to drive and had drank more than I intended to.
I ended up driving at 5:40pm and got home around 6:15. When I got home my husband didn’t talk to me or look at me. Our 3 year old was very happy to see me. I was exhausted at this point from the sun and alcohol. I actually dozed off a few times on the couch. Around 9pm I finally asked him what was wrong.
He shook his head. I told him I could tell something was wrong. He said ” you were gone all day, then came home trashed and exhausted.” I told him I wasn’t trashed, I wouldn’t have driven if I was still drunk. He told me I “reeked of alcohol.”
I said yes, because I drank a bit and when you drink you’re still going to smell a bit like alcohol. He shook his head again and hasn’t said anything to me since. It’s 11:30pm and I want to go to sleep, but I can’t because he’s still in the living room ignoring me and I can’t fall asleep with him like this.
AITA? I could have not had that last drink and been home an hour or so earlier, but I was celebrating my birthday and now I feel like an a-hole.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
alien_overlord_1001 − YTA. You said you were having brunch, and showed up home too drunk to drive after 6pm? And you are wondering why he is annoyed with you? Brunch is between breakfast and lunch, and usually does not include dinner.
Edit – nothing wrong with having a day out, but you don’t tell your partner its brunch if you aren’t intending to come home until evening.
RamsLams − NTA. Y’all are crazy? She had no plans with the husband, she communicated clearly, and it was still early evening when she got home. She was gone from home for seven hours. That’s it. Celebrating her birthday. How in the world does that make her an ass?
And how is giving your partner the silent treatment and being a pouty baby and not communicating with them when they are communicating clearly with you not an a**hole move? Y’all are wild
whyarethenamesgone1 − Soft YTA. So you came home smelling of alcohol, had already told him you couldn’t drive because you had been drinking and then drove home a couple hours later anyway, and proceeded to nap on the sofa? Is that how he would have seen the events?
I think he may be jumping to the fairly understandable conclusion you drove home under the influence, and still were feeling it, which would be reckless. I’d be annoyed if my partner did that. That’s without the non-commital time stuff, which although stuff happens and things run over from time to time, it can be frustrating.
If you got pulled over on the way home how confident are you that you’d pass a breathalyser? Just block the day out next time and get a taxi/lift or something. Saves the frustration and let’s you have a better time not worrying about driving/getting back.
MurdiffJ − NTA this comment section reeks of sexism. You did the responsible thing by not driving until you were ready. There is nothing wrong with going out and drinking to celebrate your birthday when you are a mother, especially since you spent your actual birthday with your family.
As you said it would have been better if you didn’t have that last drink, but unless this is a pattern your husband’s multi hour cold shoulder was an over reaction. He isn’t wrong to be annoyed it turned into an all day thing, but he could have just expressed that to you like an adult.
[Reddit User] − Nta. Men literally go out on a sat or Sunday all the time and don’t “know when they’re gonna be back”. And just come home whenever the f they feel like it. Then it’s, “oh we met up with buddies”, or “we decided to go to the track”, they don’t ask permission nor do they always nail down an end time.
She answered her husband when he texted or called at 245pm when he wanted to know how much longer it would be. She was both honest, respectful, in communication, and safe. Someone spilled a drink on her, so that’s why she smelled of alcohol.
The second a woman does anything the way a man regularly does ONE freaking time in a blue moon, people get bent out of shape.. Nta.
rememberimapersontoo − NTA. your kid was safe with his other parent and your husband is a grown man. this sub just can’t stand the idea of a mom still being a person and having a little fun smh. your husband would maybe have reason to be pissed if this was a regular thing but it ain’t.
amidnightalley − I love everyone downvoting all the NTA posts- you’re NTA for this yeah it went later than intended but you were having fun with your friends that you probably don’t see that often because you have a toddler celebrating your birthday.
Brainjacker − YTA for driving under the influence and leaving your husband to care for your kid all day with no indication as to when you’d be back.
IAmInCa − YTA – if you came home and were extremely apologetic for ditching your husband and child for your birthday dinner, it would’ve been a bit different. Giving you the benefit of the doubt that something like this does not happen frequently, but most of the time people who do blow off their family claim it’s not a regular occurrence.
Unless your husband is a controlling a**hole and doesn’t give you breathing room to socialize as you wish with your friends, there’s no good excuse. If I did this to my lovely wife and child I would feel like the biggest a**hole on the planet.
It is your birthday, yes, but it is also your obligation and should be your pleasure to celebrate it with your family. It sounds like you love them both very much and they are good people. When you blow them off it is as if you’re rejecting their love and importance on this day.
Next time consider celebrating with your friends on a day other than your birthday. That’s what most people do, or they adhere to a reasonable schedule.
This isn’t the biggest deal in the world if you really only did this once, so apologize (profusely) and move on.. I wish all of you the best.
skilliniho − YTA.You didn’t keep him updated and basically left him in the dark. You replied to 1 text but that still didn’t give him any indication of when you’d be home. Plus brunch does not last that long! You’re an adult, you should know how to manage your time, be responsible and COMMUNICATE. You owe your husband an apology
Was the husband’s frustration justified, or should the wife have more room to celebrate her birthday? Share your thoughts below!
I think YTA, he is a tiny bit too, though. I think he could have said why he is bothered, so that silent treatment is kinda immature, but I guess he was just frustrated and hurt, because, and that is my biggest issue here, why wouldn’t you want to spend time with your hubby on your birthday? I would be highly disappointed if my partner didn’t include me in their birthday at all. Don’t you want the most important people in your life around then? Yes, you did communicate that you didn’t know when you would be home, but I think that, especially if you have a toddler at home, you should make clearer plans and not be as imprecise as you were with him. And I think you can expect an adult to say no to a drink to stay capable of driving. Long story short, his communication skills suck, but you should not have left out your family from your birthday and do a better job at planning.
YTA- I’m not going to rehash what all these people have said to you, but I’m going to ask: If he had done this, what would you say about him? Would you even give him the space to take a nap on the couch after he’d gotten home from a nearly 8 hour bender? Would you be all lovey dovey on him and chatting his ear up all friendly? You KNOW you’re the a-hole. Do better.
Only reasons I’d be annoyed – driving while drunk (1 drink fair enough, but not multiple in a day. Selfish! YTA! just get a taxi, you can kill someone) and secondly he might have organised a surprise with your kid for your birthday and you didn’t show (thinking your original plan fit in with and he just got his knickers in an understandable twist). Either way just talk- either to get him to pick you up or to understand each other
Both of you are the A holes.
You for not communicating thoroughly and keeping him in the dark, which leads to unnecessary worries on his part. Primarily in the fact your brunch lasted so long and alcohol was involved.
Him for being childish in the extended silence and grudge holding.
He had every right to be upset, but should have been more relieved that you weren’t OK in the end.
YTA. Your husband clearly wanted to spend your birthday with you. You blew him off for your friends.
I’m sure the people saying NTA are in open relationships or not in one. That’s a pretty crappy way to treat your s.o.
Wow. So NTA. Those saying otherwise are living in a world that existed over 100 years ago. Go out, have fun, and enjoy yourself. You said you didn’t know when you’d be home, and so what if you came back tired. You are married with a child, since when does that mean the rest of your life should stop so you can be at the beck and call of your husband. He is a father and should be enjoying the time with his child, and also happy that you are out having fun. Guilt trips, continuous messages, and juvenile behaviour is controlling and demeaning. Mum’s are entitled to have time with friends and a life outside of that role. Child was not at risk, or neglected and women should not be made to feel awful for a few hours of not being a mum, a maid, a carer, a chef, a PA, and a cleaner.
Nta. Had he planned something for you, you would’ve been home on time. A mum needs sometime to relax and just let loose. So what if it lasted the whole day? If it’s not something you usually do and is a rare occurrence he should be happy you were relaxing with friends. So I now like no 3ffort to celebrate your bday were made from his side. Also he’s pro ably upset the had to take care of the kid and he never realized how hard it is to take care of the child.