AITA that I refused to sit next to my brother on a plane?

OP (29f) has four adult siblings, and their family traveled together for a funeral in Germany. OP prefers to sit alone on flights, but her brother Cole (35m) insisted they sit together, even though OP had made it clear she wanted a separate window seat.

Cole begrudgingly took the middle seat on the first flight but complained about it later. On the return flight, OP again requested to sit alone, and Cole was upset, calling her a “traitor” for not sitting together.

After the trip, Cole texted OP, blaming her for his uncomfortable flight experience, and accusing her of valuing her comfort over relationships. OP feels frustrated by his behavior and wonders if she’s wrong for not wanting to sit with her brother. read the original story below…

‘ AITA that I refused to sit next to my brother on a plane?’

I (29f) have 4 siblings all adults. My dad (63) and my oldest brother Cole (35m) live in Asia, while the rest of the family lives in Germany. My grandmother, who also lives in Germany recently passed away, so we all planned to go to the funeral immediately.

I’ve never been super close to Cole, but recently we started hanging out more, which I enjoyed. While buying the airplane tickets, I made it clear I wanted to sit alone next to the window, my dad loves to sit in the aisle, and my brother Cole prefers a window seat.

I haven’t traveled with family since I was a teenager, and I like to travel (flights) alone. Cole however was furious. He saw it as a family trip and told me the family must sit together. I didn’t mind spending some quality time together, however sitting in a limited space does not qualify as a quality time for me, especially a red-eye.

Fast forward to the arrival at the check-in counter, I asked for a separate window seat. Cole interrupted and told the airport employee that we’d sit together and that he’d take the middle seat. I caved in.

On the plane, I put the tip of my elbow on the armrest, and he moved my arm, chuckled, and said: “According to the flight etiquette, the middle seat gets both armrests, haha”. Now he’s NOT an etiquette guy. I felt slightly annoyed, but whatever.

The flight itself wasn’t bad, but my flying experience with strangers next to me so far was better. During our stay in Germany, we had a nice time together, had a beautiful funeral, and headed back home. This time I again told him that I’d like to sit alone. My dad didn’t care about sitting together.

Cole, again, pushed me to sit together. In front of the check-in counter, I stood my ground and asked for a separate seat. My brother and my dad were seated together and got middle and aisle seats. Before boarding, he called me a t**itor multiple times, I didn’t respond.

I had a lovely trip back home, the middle seat wasn’t occupied, so I was lucky. When we landed, we took a taxi home. I told Cole that I had a very nice flight. He responded that he had an awful flight because the guy who got the window seat was irritating, loud, and well, simply, big.

He gave me a dirty look. I, again, said nothing and just wanted to let things go. Later in the evening, he texted me that I didn’t appreciate his sacrifice to sit in the middle, and I value my comfort over personal relationships and the needs of other people.

Cole also texted that I rubbed in his face my nice experience while he had the worst flight of his life. Now, I am upset and frustrated because apparently, he blames me for this. We both want to repair our relationship.

But his neediness to sit with me and putting blame on me is pushing me away. Does a family that travels together must sit together? Maybe I don’t see something objectively in this situation. AITA for refusing to sit next to my brother on a plane?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

CoverCharacter8179 −  I N F O: On what airline, in the year 2024, do you choose your seat by telling the employee at the check-in counter at the airport what you want? Also, if Cole lives in Asia and you don’t, why is he flying with you to and from wherever it is that you live?

EDIT: Apparently the answer to question 1 is: Turkish Airlines has a system where you have to pay extra if you want to choose your seat in advance, otherwise they assign you a seat at the check-in counter.

(And Q2 was that OP apparently neglected to mention having recently moved to Asia herself?) Anyway, NTA, as far as I can tell there was no reason OP’s taking a window forced Cole to have a middle in a different row.

nefarious_planet −  NTA, you’re an adult and your brother doesn’t get to pick your seat for you. But just as a PSA, the middle seat *does* get both the middle armrests. If both the window person and the aisle person choose to use both of “their” armrests,

then they’ve removed all the armrests from the middle seat and now a middle seat sucks even more. The window seat gets one armrest and a window; the aisle seat gets one armrest and the ability to use the bathroom without asking others to move. The middle seat gets two armrests. That’s how planes work.

StoneAgePrue −  I personally would never travel with family to and from the same destination and specifically ask to not be seated with them. Weird flex.

Waste_Worker6122 −  NTA. He’s baiting you. He didn’t want to sit next to you to work on his relationship with you. He wanted to sit next to you to annoy you for the entire flight.

NoRazzmatazz564 −  NTA. Since Cole knew you were not sitting next to him on the way home it wasn’t a “sacrifice” for him to take the middle seat. He could have done as you did and sat anywhere available

Automatic-Record7385 −  Typically, when people travel together, they sit together. Brother’s expectation of OP flying with him was not far off the typical norm. Especially if there were three seats to a row and there were three people in her party. OP had known brother also likes the window.

She should have seen her sitting with him was so important to him as he was willing to give that up for her. They also lost a family member. If relationships are good within a family, it is kind to be there for each other. I do understand that people have their own way of grieving.

But if OP was being forced to be in the same room (plane) as brother and prefers the company of strangers over her Brother’s company, that is a little hurtful.

It was also an added kick in the teeth that she did this last minute to where brother not only lost his sister’s company but also lost his enjoyment of sitting by the window. If OP intended to fly alone, she should have bought her own ticket. YTAH

moronictwatgoblin −  NTA, obviously you’re not the AH for choosing your own seat. I’m guessing you wouldn’t have an issue sitting next to him if he didn’t bother you during the flight. But if your preference is strangers then he clearly wants to chat or play cribbage or something.

You are allowed to want peace and quiet and not to interact with people–even when they are your family on a family trip. If sitting by strangers is the only way you can get quiet time to recharge, then it’s Cole’s fault that you are sitting away from the family.

He’s also a major AH for escalating a disagreement about something as silly as airplane seats to you ***”value your comfort over personal relationships and the needs of other people.”*** calm down man. its an airplane ride, not a personal attack. jeez louise. Also, his “sacrifice” to sit in the middle is just dumb.

He choose to sit in the middle, you didn’t ask or want that. Why would you be expected to appreciate his stupid choice? He can’t be both the instigator and the martyr, that’s not how it works.

PS he is absolutely right about the middle seat getting both arm rests though. His other behavior is dumb, but he’s dead on about the armrests and i will die on that hill.

Impossible-Most-366 −  YTA and you’re strange.

justloriinky −  I got mixed feelings on this one. I travel alone a lot and LOVE it. But when I do travel with family, I kind of feel like we should all sit together when possible.

Was OP wrong for wanting her personal space and not sitting next to her brother, or should she have prioritized sitting together as Cole wanted? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!