AITA – Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship?

Sometimes family traditions can feel like a protective shelter, but for some, these traditions become a cage. Imagine a young woman, raised under strict cultural and religious expectations that insisted she stay at home, help with chores, and avoid higher education. Meanwhile, her brothers got a free ride to their dream universities. It was a blow that stung especially hard when she discovered her parents had not planned to pay a single dime for her.

Suddenly, years later, life has changed: she’s a married engineer expecting her first child, while her parents reemerge wanting a relationship. But is it genuine regret, or a half-hearted attempt to be a part of her future? In a heartbeat, all those struggles and old resentments bubble up, forcing her to demand what she missed out on—both financially and emotionally.

‘ AITA – Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship?’

Navigating family relationships can be challenging, particularly when dealing with deep-seated resentment and past injustices. This redditor’s situation highlights the difficult choices one faces when trying to reconcile with family members who have caused significant pain. It’s a complex interplay of emotions, expectations, and the desire for some form of accountability.

The core issue here is the OP’s demand that her parents reimburse her for college expenses, mirroring the financial support they provided to her brothers, as a condition for re-establishing a relationship. This stems from years of feeling undervalued and discriminated against due to her gender, which led her parents to deny her the same educational opportunities they readily offered her brothers.

Financial disparities within families can create lasting wounds. A 2016 study published in the Journal of Family Studies found that perceived financial inequality among siblings can lead to resentment, strained relationships, and even long-term psychological distress. The study also emphasized the importance of open communication and addressing these issues head-on to prevent further damage.

“Rebuilding trust after a betrayal, whether emotional or financial, takes time and effort,” says Dr. Phil McGraw, a clinical and forensic psychologist. “It’s important to have honest conversations about the past, acknowledge the pain that was caused, and establish clear expectations for moving forward.” Dr. McGraw also stresses the importance of setting boundaries and protecting one’s own emotional well-being.

The OP’s demand for financial compensation can be seen as a way of seeking justice and acknowledging the unfair treatment she experienced. It’s not simply about the money; it’s about validating her feelings and holding her parents accountable for their past actions.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Here are some standout voices from the Reddit community—unfiltered, direct, and bound to spark debate:

Can these insights be trusted as universal truths, or do they mirror each person’s unique experiences? You decide!

Family bonds can be fragile, and the scars of past neglect don’t vanish with a simple “sorry.” Can trust be rebuilt in a situation like this, or does fairness require more concrete proof? Have you faced a similar dynamic, where family tradition clashed with modern aspirations? We’d love to hear your stories, advice, and perspectives. What would you do if you found yourself in her shoes?