AITA: My husband is saying he wants a “break” if I choose to stay home and rest instead of spending time with his friends who are in town for the Holidays.

A woman, exhausted from working long shifts as a hospital worker and managing a confrontational coworker, asks her husband to take the kids to visit his friends during the holidays so she can rest.

However, her husband reacts angrily, accusing her of being a “flaky mom” and giving her an ultimatum to either join him or take a break from the marriage. She now feels guilty for wanting to rest and is questioning whether she should have gone. Read the full story below to understand the full situation.

‘  AITA: My husband is saying he wants a “break” if I choose to stay home and rest instead of spending time with his friends who are in town for the Holidays.’

I 33F told my husband that I really need a break this morning and would like to stay home while he takes our two kids to see his friends who are in town for Christmas. He brought these plans up to me a few days ago but we never discussed the time.

I work in a hospital and worked the past 3 days 12 hour shifts, took call, and worked alone with an extremely confrontational and emotionally draining coworker. I’m just depleted and thought it would be a good opportunity to refill my empty tank. He got furious and said he would never do that to me, he would just “step up to the plate and go”.

He said things like “if you want to be that kind of flaky mom go ahead” and eventually gave me an ultimatum saying if I don’t go then he wants to take a break from our marriage. Idk, should I have went? I’m so tired and now I feel guilty for resting.

Check out how the community responded:

[Reddit User] −  if I don’t go then he wants to take a break from our marriage. What a selfish a**hole. Set that bird free. I work in a hospital and worked the past 3 days 12 hour shifts, took call, and worked alone with an extremely confrontational and emotionally draining coworker.

I’m just depleted and thought it would be a good opportunity to refill my empty tank. Rest up! Health care workers are a valuable resource. Too bad your husband doesn’t appreciate what you do.. NTA

Ok_Homework_7621 −  Remind him the break goes both ways. He gets the kids half the time and you get to have fun outside of the marriage, too.

Mobius_Stripping −  call it what it really is. your husband wants to go out and have fun with his friends without having to actually parent your kids. he wants you to do the work. let him take his break but tell him he has to take the kids on his break so you can rest.. NTA

Potential-Region8045 −  NTA! Okay that triggered me so hard, as a mom who also works in healthcare. He sounds really unsympathetic to how exhausting and draining it can be to be “on” at work then have to come home and do it all for the kids. You need and deserve a break.

It is completely reasonable for a dad to take the kids out for a bit without you. Sounds like he just wanted to hang with his friends carefree while you watch the kids – not how being a dad works. And him going straight to that type of threat shows a lot of immaturity and inmho is emotionally abusive/m**ipulative. He is g**lighting you. Don’t feel guilty AT ALL.

IcanzIIravor −  Asking for a break from the marriage makes me think he has either already stepped out or was looking for any flimsy excuse to do so. The fact that he is dismissive of OP’s physical and mental health after working multiple shifts is telling as well. I would not have gone nor felt guilty. I’d also be taking a hard look at whether it is healthy for myself and kids to be around such a selfish father/husband.

Notyohunbabe −  NTA in the least! Sounds like hubby needs to walk 36 hours in your shoes with your job. I completely understand your need for a break and some peace and quiet alone. Sounds like he has very little respect or love for you as a human being. Stay home and rest. Let him think you’re and a**hole and when he gets home show him all of the messages on here that will be supporting you and calling him the AH.

Sweet_Bambii −  So you are a hard working mom taking care of her family cant have a day of rest?? Sound like he’s looking for an excuse to put a pause on the relationship or he was looking forward to having you wrangle the 2 kids while he fucks around with his friends and with you gone he would have to pay attention to what the kids are doing. What an a**hole.

alv269 −  NTA. Your husband sucks! Maybe him taking a “break” from the marriage will give you an opportunity to see how much nicer things are without him berating you for having basic needs. 

Cali_Holly −  NTA. I spent an entire day throwing up from food poisoning. THEN my husband bullied me into going to his brothers house to a party they were hosting. I was exhausted. My stomach felt like someone had used the inside of my stomach as a punching bag. And I remember how much I regretted NOT telling him to go f**k himself and telling him he ain’t man enough to make me.

But instead I went and he was mad because I looked exactly like a person who was recently severely ill. Not long after that, I left him. And further got my revenge by making him find me so he could serve me divorce papers since I already told him that he can pursue and pay for the divorce.

celticmusebooks −  It sounds like you have THREE children and NO partner. I suspect this is about him not wanting to watch the kids while he’s partying with his friends. To go from you needing a little rest to asking for a break in the marriage is quite a leap (and makes me wonder if he already had that locked and loaded).. NTA but you married one

Do you think the husband is being unreasonable for demanding his wife go despite her exhaustion, or should she have made the effort to be with him and his friends? How would you handle this situation? Share your thoughts in the comments!