AITA my husband is angry I won’t come to my MIL’s for Thanksgiving?
A Redditor shared their dilemma about skipping Thanksgiving at their mother-in-law’s house due to an intense work schedule, including an 11-hour shift on Thanksgiving Day and another on Black Friday. Despite communicating their situation in advance, the MIL scheduled dinner at a time they couldn’t attend, and now their husband is upset about their decision not to go. Read the full story below to understand the struggle.
‘ AITA my husband is angry I won’t come to my MIL’s for Thanksgiving?’
I’d like to preface this with I love my MIL. Every year Thanksgiving is usually done at our house but since changing jobs this year that has changed. I work from home for a large company that has big sales the week of thanksgiving and as many know Thanksgiving and the DAT are very busy days for online shopping.
My shift the day of Thanksgiving is from 7 am to 6(closing). I let my MIL know this since thanksgiving was going to be at her place this year as I am not able to cook. She had said before officially making plans that she would make the time for later that day so I would still be able to make a plate and be able to visit with family.
Fast forward to October , my sister in law sends out a text to everyone that thanksgiving was at 12 – to which my husband replied that I’d didn’t get off till 6 that day. The response was “they knew …” My husband volunteered me to cook a turkey knowing I had to work that same day. So now my get up time had changed to very early plus a long 11 hour shift. Not to mention I have to work Black Friday the very next day, another 11 hour shift.
I know 1000% I will be exhausted and by the time I make it there the food will be gone and everyone will be leaving. Sooo what’s the point of going over? She wasn’t willing to change the time … I can’t get out of work. My husband is pissed at me for saying I am not sure I will make it. Am I the a**hole ?
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
ReviewOk929 − My husband volunteered me to cook a turkey knowing I had to work that same day. NTA – Reverse Uno that s**t and call his mother and tell her HE is making it. Your husband being inconsiderate barely begins to cover it knowing as he did what you already have to do. I’d be having a very honest conversation with him about this and his huge shortsightedness in volunteering you for it and that’s about as politely as a I can put it.
capmanor1755 − What is it with these husbands and boyfriends?? NTA. Your husband doesn’t get to voluntold you to cook a turkey for a meal that’s been deliberately scheduled for a time you can’t make on a day when you’re already doing an 11 hour shift. I’m livid on your behalf. Let this thread ripen up and then ask him to read through it. Every single response. Then make a very very very sincere apology to you for his thoughtlessness.
And then tell him he’s got a couple more hours to get to the store to pick up a turkey. It better be defrosted because he doesn’t have time to mess around with a frozen bird- as it is he’s going to need to be at your aunts by 7am to get the damn thing in the oven. In fact he might want to pickup a Reynolds roasting bag – they’ll save him a lot of time.
Stranger0nReddit − NTA. Your husband volunteered you to make the turkey knowing you had a full work day? F**k that. Tell him he will have to make it because he has no business speaking for you.
East_Parking8340 − No. I get the feeling that your SIL got peeved when she found out your MIL was going to shift the meal to later in the day. I don’t know whether that was because you have the nerve to be working or that she is a princess and the only one who should be accommodated is unknown.
Based on the assumption that your household needs your income your husband should be supporting you – if he has an issue he needs to take it up with his sister and not penalise you for his own family’s histrionics.. NTA.
C_Majuscula − NTA. And tell your husband to cook the turkey himself. “Volunteered you?” HELL NO.
Affectionate_Stay_41 − NTA It’s your husband’s turkey now 🤷♀️ He can YouTube it. I also wouldn’t go, I’m not really sure why your husband would want you to show up just for the end and also make a turkey for it. What’s his reasoning for you doing the turkey anyway? I wanna know what kinda thought process got him to think that was a great idea.
julesk − NTA, I’d group text him and his family, “My H forgot I’m working twelve hours thanksgiving and the next day when he volunteered me to make the Turkey. I won’t be off work till after you’re done with dinner. Hope you all can sort out the turkey and have a lovely thanksgiving!” He’s really blowing it as is his family as the message to you is very unkind. So act like they did and announce rather than confer with these jerks.
Winter_Dragonfly_452 − NTA. What the hell is wrong with your husband? I hope you show him this post and all of our comments. You are working 12 hours the day of Thanksgiving and 12 hours the following day and he volunteered you to make a turkey? That’s b**lshit, if he needs a turkey made he does it himself.
He cannot expect you to go to your mother-in-law‘s house when they’re eating at noon knowing damn well that you don’t get off till six and all the food is going to be gone. He’s being unrealistic and unsupportive. Go home after work and get the much-needed sleep you need and let him stew in his own stupidity.
DielectricConstant − NTA and I really hope you tell your husband to cook the turkey himself.
woodlandtom − Does he know how long it takes to prep and cook a turkey and on top of working? He will find out when he does it himself! NTA.
Is the Redditor justified in prioritizing their well-being over attending the holiday dinner, or should they push through for the sake of family tradition? How would you balance work commitments and family expectations during busy times? Share your thoughts and opinions in the comments below!
I don’t understand why the OP, daughter-in-law is to cook a turkey in the first place. The MIL is hosting- shouldn’t she be cooking the turkey? If I were working or not, my husband would have better sense than to ‘volunteer’ me to cook anything, without consulting me first. But OP is working 2 long shifts, on Thanksgiving and Black Friday- she owes no-one anything!!!
What on earth happened? At first, hubby was on board with OP. Now all of a sudden he’s upset with her because she can’t (not “won’t”) go? His family, his drama. I would have simply said, “Sorry I can’t make it and I CAN’T make the turkey. I hope you have a wonderful time!” End of story…and drama.
Wait, what happened? At first hubby was on board with OP. I’m having a hard time believing that he totally capitalized! I’d simply say, ” You knew my schedule. I can’t make the get-together and I WON’T make the turkey! Have fun at your celebration.”
Make it very clear to the family that they were told far enough in advance to have the dinner later and deliberately chose not to so they could exclude you. Tell hubby the only turkey being cooked is his if he does not call his mother and explain there is no way you are cooking the turkey and that you will not ever be there for another dinner since it is clear you are not wanted. Then tell hubby to get the f*ck out because he does not have your back. Dump that piece of sh*t!
Absolutely justified! “Family” is selfish and unreasonable, and so is her husband. If her family cared about her, they never would have scheduled a meal at noon, knowing she would not be able to come. And her SIL and husband are totally insensitive for suggesting she cook a turkey. Husband should have said no and bought dinner for him and OP, to be eaten at home or in a restaurant after she finished work. Some lousy family!
Absolutely NTA. I would have cooked the turkey after my working day had finished and brought it round once cooked. Probably a childish and petty response but would be very satisfying.