AITA my husband has changed all of the babies diapers

A woman reflects on her husband’s growing resentment over changing the majority of their 3-year-old son’s diapers. During the early months of COVID, after a traumatic birth and while exclusively breastfeeding, the couple divided parenting duties—she handled feedings and other care, while he took on diaper changes and baths.

Now pregnant again and dealing with severe nausea, she’s asked him to handle their son’s morning routine. However, he claims it was “abusive and abnormal” for him to change so many diapers, insisting that other fathers don’t do as much.

She feels the division was fair given the circumstances and is questioning whether it was unreasonable to expect his continued involvement.

‘ AITA my husband has changed all of the babies diapers’

AITA For asking my husband to change our sons diapers? my husband has changed probably 90% of our son’s diapers for the first 1.5years our son was born during Covid, i had a super traumatic birth, our son almost died during labor, and we were all alone.

We both worked from home and our son was very colicky, i was exclusively breastfeeding and was up every night with him, doing all bed time feedings, nails clippings, teeth brushing, he did baths and diapers. It seemed like a fair arrangement.

Eventually Covid ended and we got a nanny for Saturdays and our son started daycare he goes from 9-5, my husband started leaving for the day for work. I asked him to change the diapers when he was at home because our son who is in the 100th+ percentile in height and weight was hard to manage for me, i got by on days when i was alone but it was definitely difficult.

Even when my mom would visit she would have hard time with the diaper changing and she works at a childcare facility because he was big and unruly. Now our son is 3 and almost fully potty trained, he wears a diaper over night. So we put a diaper on at night and take it off in the morning, and I’m pregnant again with really bad nausea so I’ve asked him to get the baby ready in the mornings as I’m usually choking back the vomit.

My husband has decided he will not change any of the future babies diapers and has become very resentful saying that it was totally a**usive and abnormal for him to change so many diapers through our sons life and that other dads don’t have to change so many diapers.

It’s not like I’ve changed zero diapers, i changed diapers any time he wasn’t home. On sick days i am always the one who stays at home with him and cares for him completely.

I always felt like our parenting duties were pretty evenly divided until i got pregnant 3 months ago and things have definitely been harder since then because it’s hard for me some days to do the things i used to do like make breakfast, get his daycare bag ready,physically pick him up. Am i the a**shole for letting him/ expecting him to change so many diapers?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Awkward_Ganache23195 ( Top 1 ) says

I am a dad of a 4 year old and 22-hour old. I’ve done all but 2 diaper changes so far on the new one (nurses did the 2) so my wife can rest as much as she can. I did the same with our now 4 year old. Wife is off work for a year to raise the child, which means EVERYTHING when I’m at work.

The least I can do is change every diaper when I’m home. Even if I’m tired after a long day’s work, because my wife’s work right now is 24/7. She lets me sleep through the night so I can be rested for work. I let her rest as much as possible when I’m home.

It’s called being a good partner, and it’s critically important to make a good parent. Fathers – don’t be dicks. Do your part. OP – NTA. You’re a powerful woman, and don’t let him forget that.

Reasonable-Tax5791 ( Top 2 ) says

NTA
It sounds like you divided responsibilities. Maybe he was not comfortable with doing that, bottling it up, but that doesn’t make you a mind reader. Or maybe there’s some outside influence?

ConfettiBowl ( Top 3 ) says

a**usive and abnormal is a bit much. The arrangement here was literally suggested to my husband by our midwife so he felt involved and needed. I don’t change diapers, my husband is happy to take that off my plate.

Your husband saying he refuses to change any diapers for the new baby, that seems extreme to me, and I’m missing any indication from you that you are insisting he be the sole changer of the new baby. He needs to communicate his needs better and not be taking the word of less involved fathers that he’s being taken advantage of.

My husband would never say that, and he’s changed twice as many diapers as your husband has. NTA.

shopaholicsanonymous ( Top 4 ) says

It takes less than 5 minutes to change a diaper, versus 30-45 minutes each time to breastfeed or pump. The mother is doing SIGNIFICANTLY MORE of the work. Not to mention she’s also doing the other stuff that she talked about, as well as the diapers when he’s not home.

AND she’s currently pregnant with their 2nd child. The husband just has to change the diapers when he’s home, it’s not hard. NTA OP, I feel for you.

WoodfieldWild ( Top 5 ) says

NTA and the bar for men is so low it’s a tavern in Hades

IndividualSound5365 ( Top 6 ) says

I don’t get what the problem is with your husband changing the nappies. Babies are made by both parents and should be cared for by both. IMHO it sounds as though he’s been listening to his misogynistic buddies or isn’t as keen on having a second child as you have been led to believe.

You are NTA and if your husband refuses to budge regarding his responsibilities, then he definitely becomes TA. Good luck! I don’t envy you though, it looks like you’re in for a rough ride. Take care.

ParsimoniousSalad ( Top 7 ) says

NTA. Tell him you’ll trade the pregnancy nausea for diaper duty.

CaterpillarPure1856 ( Top 8 ) says

Is your husband not also a parent to the child? Cause parenting is not just changing diapers. There is a lot more that goes into it than that! If all you’ve asked him to do is change a few diapers, he has been getting away scot free, and needs to remember this is not the 1950s, it’s 2023, and being a father is being an equally responsible parent.

Broad_Respond_2205 ( Top 9 ) says

What is this guy on? That’s was just how you distributed the tasks. It he wants a different distribution, he can just speak about it. NTA. You basically asked him to do a chore and he acussed you of being a**usive.

Bonkislife ( Top 10 ) says

NTA don’t listen to anyone saying Y T A here. If it’s truly as you said and you did most of the parenting responsibilities except changing diapers, especially because you are nauseous then you are not the a**shole. Your husband is a major one for complaining about one of his few responsibilities to his children.

I’m going to say this and some people are going to b**tch at me but I don’t care. Dads who don’t change diapers aren’t dads. Your husband is at a similar state as I was while my wife was caring for our first and pregnant with our second where I felt that because I was working that I shouldn’t have to do things when I came home.

Your husband is your child’s father and he needs to come to grips with the fact that there is no such thing as 50/50 division of labor in all aspects especially since you and he might not be equally suited to certain tasks and that will only increase as your kids get older.

So what if he changes all the diapers? You did all the breastfeeding. And if he really did zero of the night time care and left you to do it he’s a major major a**shole.