AITA? My husband and I are getting my stepson a car for his birthday. His mother wants to chip in and say that the car is from all of us, but I don’t want to do that.

A Reddit user shares a dilemma about buying a car for her stepson’s 18th birthday. While she and her husband are covering most of the cost, his mother wants to chip in 5% and present the car as a joint gift from all parents and stepparents.

The user is uncomfortable with this, given the antagonistic relationship with her stepson’s mother. She wonders whether it’s necessary to go along with her wishes for the sake of family harmony, especially since they’ve never given joint gifts before. Read the full story below to learn more about her perspective.

‘ AITA? My husband and I are getting my stepson a car for his birthday. His mother wants to chip in and say that the car is from all of us, but I don’t want to do that.’

My stepson is turning 18 soon and my husband and I decided that we will be getting him a car. I make more than my husband does and we will be splitting the cost of the car 70/30. That’s fine with me.

His mother is a woman who I make the effort to be civil with but don’t like. I am much younger than she and my husband are, and come from a more privileged background; she had a lot of things to say about that. She called me her ex’s cash cow and that’s one of the better things she said about me. We are not friends and I won’t even describe her as nice to me.

When my husband told her that we will buy my stepson a car for his birthday, she said she wants to chip in 5% of the cost and then we could tell my stepson that the gift is from all of his parents and step parents.

I don’t want to do that. I don’t need her 5% and my stepson knows that his mom and step dad are not in a position to equally share the cost of buying the car. I don’t want recognition for paying 70% of his gift’s cost but I don’t want to share my and my husband’s gift to my stepson with a woman who has always been antagonistic to me.

I don’t know why she wants us to gift the car jointly now because we’ve never given my stepson a gift jointly before. And I don’t understand what’s so bad about getting separate gifts from me and his dad, and his mom and his stepdad.

I know that many people will say that it’s better for my stepson to see that all his parents and step parents are getting along. I’m civil to his mom and I never talk negatively about her to him. Is that not enough? Am I incapable of being a good step mother to him if I’m not best friends with his mom? Do I have to let his mom get her way whenever she asks in the name of all parents getting along?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Theystolemyname2 −  NTA. She wants to take credit for the gift, and with the way you described her, there is a big chance that she is gonna milk this if you let her pay. If she wants to be part of it so much, just let her buy seat covers, air freshener or something similar that’s within her budget and could be used for the car.

This way she technically was part of the gift, but you can easily seperate her part as “me and my husband bought you this car, and that accesory for it is from your Mom”. Nice and civil. Edit: because so many people can’t get over the fact that I wrote “air freshener” together, I put a space there. You are welcome.

disregardable −  NTA. If she was offering to pay 33% I’d feel differently. She just wants to piggy back off your gift.

RainCityRogue −  NTA. If she wants to contribute she can cover his insurance for the first year.

JackNotName −  NTA. “Why don’t you put that 5% toward a gift that he will appreciate that comes solely from you?”

-XanderCrews- −  This f**king sub! Of course you are an a**hole. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have your reasons but you are still an a**hole. The non a**hole thing would be to let her join. I don’t understand this subs morality. It’s more like “is it ok I’m an a**hole?” Not “am I am a**hole”.

Also it seems you are holding money over their heads to make yourself seem superior while at the same time saying they are the ones with money issues. You are, or you wouldn’t give a s**t, you want the kid to know that you paid and they can’t. There is a ton of assholery here. F**k reddit, it has the morality of a 16 year old.

ChaosofaMadHatter −  NTA. It’s a gift from you and your husband. She can contribute by accenting the gift- getting seat covers, steering wheel cover, air fresheners, trunk organizer, emergency roadside kit, etc and it will be more authentic than if she tried to put a pittance towards the car. She could even cover insurance or give him a gas card. But trying to nudge her way in with such a small amount is ridiculous.

WebbieVanderquack −  ESH a bit. She shouldn’t expect credit for the gift if she’s only chipping in 5% of the cost. But I also think the stepmother buying her son a 70%-of-a car is pretty rough on the biological mother, who clearly can’t afford such an extravagant gift, and potentially on the son, who will instantly perceive this and may feel guilty, or awkward, or caught in the middle, or all of the above.

And I don’t understand what’s so bad about getting separate gifts from me and his dad, and his mom and his stepdad. What’s so bad is that you don’t like his mother, and you’re buying him a gift that will leave hers in the dust (perhaps literally). I think giving a car to a son is a decision that both biological parents should have discussed and agreed on.

[Reddit User] −  YTA. Stepson knows y’all don’t get along. So, when his birthday comes and he thanks you for the car, if you can say, “your mom, your dad and I got this for you together. We all love you,” then think about what that tells this kid. As opposed to turning his birthday into a pissing contest.

You set up a false either/or in your post. You don’t have to be her friend. You just need to model good behavior for the young man who is learning how to be an adult from you all.

teke367 −  YTA. I don’t know why she wants us to gift the car jointly now because we’ve never given my stepson a gift jointly before. Because it’s a f**king car. You can’t possibly be oblivious as to why she’d want to be part of that gift.

First, it’s probably one of the bigger gifts (if not biggest gift) he has received in his life, but his first car is a big deal. It’s totally understandable she’d want to be involved in this. This isn’t about your relationship with the mom, it’s about her relationship with her son.

InsertLogoHere −  YTA. My wife makes a great living, and my oldest daughter’s mother married a guy with money issues so they are… Broke. When my daughter was 16 we bought a car for her. Her mom wanted to help pay for it but she was not in a position to do so. We all gave her the car for her birthday.

She is the kids mom. He is a child not a point of leverage. My wife makes more in a year that my daughters mom has made in the last ten. Maybe you are NTA, but you are not a great human being either. When it comes to kids, pretend to be a better person.

Do you think the user should compromise and allow her stepson to believe the car is from all parents, or is it important for each parent to maintain their individual contributions? How would you handle a similar situation in a blended family dynamic? Share your thoughts below!