AITA My (26F) boyfriend (26M) left my by myself to go skateboarding on Christmas Eve?

A Reddit user shared a difficult moment with their boyfriend on Christmas Eve after he chose to go skateboarding with friends despite her request to spend the day together. Tensions escalated, leaving the user questioning whether they were being controlling or if their feelings were justified. Read the full story below to see how it unfolded.

‘ AITA My (26F) boyfriend (26M) left my by myself to go skateboarding on Christmas Eve?’

My (26F) boyfriend (26F) loves to go skateboarding. I support this hobby wholeheartedly and have never kept him from it. He has a lot of energy and loves to keep busy, and his a**sive ex used to not allow him to go out. So I made a promise to never be that way and it’s never been a problem until today.

Today we are celebrating Christmas together, as every other day this week we have other plans. This morning we went to breakfast, went last minute stocking shopping, then exchanged gifts. Afterwards we spent a few hours on the couch doing individual activities (I was crocheting, he was watching tiktoks). He says he’s going to go skateboarding with his friends soon. First, I say that’s not a great idea because he hurt his a**le pretty badly yesterday.

He says he will just hang out. I say that I won’t tell him he can’t, but that’d I’d prefer he didn’t and this time together means a lot to me. He chose to go out with friends. I told him this hurts my feelings a lot because he can go whenever he pleases, and I’m just asking for one day.

He says “we’ve spent all day together.” We’ve spent from breakfast until 3pm together. He then begins using things against me, saying that we went to my favorite breakfast place, and the gifts he bought me. He also mentioned his friend’s wife and said, “do you think ____ feels this way about him going skating?” He tossed a package into my lap and said “here’s your last present since I’m so inconsiderate.”

As he was walking out of the door I told him to just stay out for a while because I can’t be around him when he is like this. I genuinely don’t know what to make of this. I’m just laying in bed trying to figure out where to go from here. Am I being inconsiderate and controlling?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

West_Fix7308 −  Hey, OP, guy here. On the contrary to people saying your the a**hole, here’s my input. He up and just made plans with his friends without even mentioning a word of it and then just hits you with “I’m going skating with friends”, and then he guilts trips you by reminding you of how much time you’ve spent together.

I get it, it’s the holidays, and I’ve often had to cut time short with past girlfriends in order to spend time with my family as well, and if she was up for it we’d even go to each others houses, but that doesn’t seem to be the case here, he seemed to have just wanted to be with friends, which isn’t bad if those guys are like family to him but friend groups like that are a rarity in this world.

No idea what was on your guys mind, but in my humble honest opinion the Holidays are meant for family, or whomever you consider family in your life. It sounds like he was very cold toward you, try to enjoy the rest of holiday and don’t let him bring you down.

fiji-fuji −  I’ve read the post and your comments and I think I would be a bit pissed too. If you two had plans for the whole day, it means that *you* didn’t make other plans with other people because you respected the plan you two had – which included spending the whole day together. Had the plan included ‘I might go skating at some point during the day’, you could have had something else planned for yourself.

So, to me, it reads as disrespectful to your time. At least that’s how I would feel about it. Plus, he didn’t consult with you about changing the plan, he just told you about the change he made himself. Plus plus, yes, if that’s the only day in the week with just the two of you, that adds another layer to the situation (nothing huge, but still). Plus plus plus, the gift throwing thing seems very f*cking childish.. NTA.

I hope he respects you on other fronts and that you’re normally satisfied with his treatment of you. (All of this said assuming your plan for the day together was well communicated and agreed on.)

badassmillz −  I don’t see the harm in him going out to spend some time with his friends on a holiday given that you’ve already had part of the day together and he’s coming back home to you. ALSO… You said you’re spending the rest of the week together I’m assuming with family activities.

But…. I don’t like that he is using these gifts on CHRISTMAS like it’s asome sort of tool to manipulate you. It’s f**king Xmas lol everyone’s buying gifts. It’s not THAT special 🙄. So yeah, if he’s throwing these gifts at your face to prove he isn’t inconsiderate is l**e.

Also, this dude is projecting his past experiences on you. You’re not his ex. He’s lashing out as if you are. It’s quite childish tbh, have a conversation don’t lash out and act rebellious as if you’re handcuffed to a chair. Wtf.

MassivePlatypuss69 −  NTA it’s Christmas Eve, if he can’t spend the whole day with you then he’s not really serious about you.
The people saying YTA are clearly single.

ChaoticFaeGay −  NTA, he may be reacting strongly because he’s had to get defensive over going out in the past, but that’s something he needs to work on. It’s fair to want to spend the day with someone you’re close to around the holidays, and it sounds like he’s already likely seeing friends/family every other day of the week.

Also not great that he was going out skateboarding with a hurt a**le, which could get more hurt if something goes wrong. I think the best thing to do would be to have a talk, and make sure he understands that his comments about the friend’s wife + the breakfast place felt unfair, and that you were worried about his a**le and just wanted to spend time with him during this busy week. I don’t think he’s much of an AH, but I do think yall need to talk + he needs to work through baggage from his ex.

sunflower_noir −  NTA. It’s a major holiday and he didn’t tell you he had any intention of going out, just sprung it on you. The way he acted indicates he knows he was wrong and that it would hurt your feelings, but he didn’t care. Who comes prepared with a laundry list of their deeds unless they know they have something to be defensive about?

He left you alone on Christmas without any prior discussion about it. It’s completely unreasonable to expect you to be okay with that. Any normal couple would fully expect to spend the whole day together, especially if nothing different was even proposed.

stmarystmike −  I dunno. If I spend the better part of a day doing things with my wife and we’re just sitting on the couch and she’s crocheting and I’m literally just looking at my phone, it seems weird for her to get upset about me going to hang for a bit with friends. It’s good to have separate lives.

Maybe this is a symptom of an issue that’s been building for you, maybe it’s not. If he is generally present and caring, I’d say you’re being very passive aggressive and controlling. If he bails on you all the time and isn’t even really present when he’s with you, yeah I’d say he sucks.

Based on the info and the way you’ve responded to the couple other people that have, in fact, called you controlling and TA, I’m voting YTA. This isn’t how long term, healthy relationships work. Happy to change my vote if this is an ongoing issue you communicate about and he just ignores you.

CACavatica −  NTA. Not sure he was really out of line in wanting to go spend time with his friends, but if you’d already planned on spending the day together and had other things you were going to do it’s pretty l**e to spring it on you all of the sudden. Plus, you told him how you felt and he apparently didn’t care. I would charge my vote if asking him not to go was the norm, but it sounds like it was just today, a day that is special to you.

GigiGirl_25a −  NTA he made plans then told you about them on the day just before leaving, I’d be pissed off too. The whole present throwing thing on to your lap is also quite immature and trying to turn it on you. Wanting to spend time with your partner doesn’t make you controlling. You never actually stopped him going. You explained your feelings, and he ignored them. He should have communicated better with you.

Regardless if you have other plans in the week, his attitude of saying he’s going to hang out with his friends just before bailing isn’t the right way to go about it. I wouldn’t do that to my partner and I wouldn’t want him to do it to me. 

OldSignificance2039 −  Sometimes, in a toxic relationship, the wounds can linger and need to heal. Don’t waste your time waiting for him. Your time is valuable, and so are you. If he values his friends more than you and considers you just an option, then perhaps he should be treated as one too.