AITA if I stop paying the full mortgage because my husband won’t contribute?

A woman (33F) on maternity leave is frustrated with her husband Rob’s (35M) lack of financial contribution to their household. Rob has struggled to keep jobs throughout their marriage and, despite securing a well-paying job recently, has only sent minimal money, citing personal expenses.

With her maternity leave top-up ending soon, she’s considering splitting the bills and only paying her half, even if it risks unpaid bills and foreclosure. read the original story below…

‘ AITA if I stop paying the full mortgage because my husband won’t contribute?’

I (33F) am married to Rob (35M), and we have two kids—6 years old and 4 months. Rob has struggled with keeping a job for most of our 7-year relationship. He has an average job tenure of about 6 months before something happens—usually an issue with a boss or coworkers—that leads to him losing the job.

At the beginning of this year, Rob was unemployed, so he went to a remote northern community for work, leaving me at home. He tried to convince me to move there with him because he found a job he liked, but I refused. I was pregnant, didn’t want to move for his job, and our daughter is settled here.

On top of that, our relationship wasn’t great. While he was away, he didn’t send any money home for the house or our kids. Rob moved back home in August, and in September, he started a new job where he makes decent money. Since then, he sent me $600 from his first paycheck and $300 from his second.

This doesn’t even come close to covering his portion of the bills. I asked him how much he was making so I could calculate his share, but he refused to tell me. He said he’s paying off his credit card and saving for his second round of school. Now, he’s threatened to stop sending any money altogether.

Although I usually make more money I’m on maternity leave, and while I get a top-up from work, it will end next month. I can’t keep paying for everything on my own. I’m thinking of opening a separate account, moving all the bills to it, and paying my 50% while asking him to match it.

If he doesn’t pay, I’d let the bills go unpaid and let the situation play out, even though I know it will impact my credit badly. But honestly, if the house is foreclosed on, I would just leave.

I can’t afford to stay and pay for my half on my own. And unfortunately I also can’t afford to leave and be stuck paying for 2 households. So, AITA for considering doing this?

See what others had to share with OP:

Katiew84 −  NTA. But I don’t know what you’re waiting for…? File for divorce. Have your lawyer ask for child support, and use that to put toward expenses. It may not be much, but it’ll be more than you’re getting now…

ktjbug −  Nta but you need a better plan than f**king up your credit.

anglflw −  Take the kids and get a place you can afford. Hire a lawyer and file for divorce. He’s just another kid in your house as it is.

Raccoonsr29 −  I’m curious as to why you ended up having another kid with him if he’s been like this most of your relationship. It sounds like you barely even have a husband and have to do everything yourself anyways.

Saberune −  NTA. I appreciate you’re in a bind, but your idea will do more than impact you; it’ll create a hole that you might never dig out of. The bank will foreclose, crashing your credit, they’ll auction it for a fraction of what’s owed, and after all that you’ll still owe them the balance,

and that cloud will follow you for decades. And that’s after you divorce, which even under the best of circumstances, will cause you aggravation. I don’t know what the right move here is, but there’s got to be something you can do besides take the financial hit. First, cut this guy loose. He’s a drag.

I don’t know what you saw in him, but whatever it was, it can’t possibly make up for the hardship he’s causing you. Pluck him out of your life like a bad tooth.
You should probably see if you can sell it? You need to untangle your finances from him.

You’ll sue for child support, sure, but I wouldn’t bank on him paying that on time. You need to talk to someone who has done experience with this. As tough as it is on you, it’s not unique. Someone has seen it before and will know the best path forward, financial advisor, lawyer, someone.

Extra_Measurement735 −  NTA. Divorce and take him to court for child support. He doesn’t pay that willingly then they will garnish his wages automatically. He won’t have a choice. Literally what are you waiting for… f**king up YOUR credit will teach him WHAT exactly?

“I’d let the bills go unpaid and let the situation play out” yeah, tbh you’re really dumb for that. You might as well not even pay your half at that point. Won’t matter. Its not fully paid so it might as well not be paid at all. It’s going to be the same outcome regardless.

You cant afford to live there but with what would happen, you wont get approved at 98% of places, wont be able to take out any loans, etc. Really stupid move and that’ll only hurt your kids and their future. Divorce and child support.

KaliTheBlaze −  You’re NTA but this is a bad plan. Instead of letting the house get foreclosed on (which will destroy your credit and make you lose every penny you’ve got in equity), why don’t you sell the house? Your plan only works if he comes to his senses and starts paying his share very quickly.

That seems very unlikely. If he doesn’t, you’ll be destroying yourself financially. No sense lighting yourself on fire like that. Selling the house and renting an apartment you can afford (or buying a less expensive house that you can afford) for just you and the kids would be much wiser.

Depending on your local real estate laws, you may have the right to do that without his approval – it should be easy to find out whether you can. And once the house is sold, you can set up your own independent household.

Since he’s not willing to contribute his share of living expenses, you don’t have to let him move into the new place with you. Unless one of you takes this to court, you won’t have to pay alimony or child support, you just won’t be supporting that feckless mooch.

Take care of yourself and your kids and let him figure his own mess out somewhere that isn’t paid for by you.

Hatstand82 −  Soft YTA – to your kids. If you stop paying, the utility companies will switch the electricity etc.off and the bank will take the house back. Why would you put your kids through upheaval of all that?

You wouldn’t be teaching your husband a lesson, you’d just be making your kids go without. I totally get why you would want to punish your husband but don’t drag your kids into it.

sakuradayz −  You do realize it’s him and not the jobs that are the problem, right?

2tinymonkeys −  This is a terrible idea. YTA to yourself. You’d be putting yourself into debt, risking becoming homeless yourself together with your daughter and soon a newborn, and ruining your credit making it more difficult for you to get back on your feet. You’re already barely married, like literally just legally.

Get a plan together. Go talk to a lawyer. Good chance you’ll get full custody since your “husband” has moved away, do you won’t be paying child support. And as for spousal support, just talk to a lawyer about that.

Idk if you really would have to pay that since he’s perfectly capable of working and has a job, and is able to support himself and still send money to you. So go talk to a lawyer, see what you’d be up for, make a plan and cut those ties.

You’re practically divorced already, no sense in staying married and showing off a terrible marriage and resentments towards your “husband” to your kids. They deserve a rekaxed, happy home life. Work towards that.

Should she proceed with this tough-love approach to force Rob’s accountability, or might it worsen their financial and marital troubles? What’s the best way to handle an uncooperative partner in shared financial responsibilities? Share your insights below!