AITA if I refuse to participate in any of my coworkers baby showers??
A Redditor shares their dilemma about feeling pressured to participate in workplace baby showers, despite having no interest in children or the events.
They express discomfort with the idea of attending the parties or contributing financially, leading them to consider ignoring the invitations entirely. Would this make them the bad guy? Read the story below to decide.
‘ AITA if I refuse to participate in any of my coworkers baby showers? ?’
I work in social services and the majority of the people I work with in my organization are women. I am a woman in my late 30s no kids and no interest in having any. We’ve been having a lot of baby showers and most recently I got an email with, not one but two different staff members registries for gifts.
I don’t want to go to a party at work where I play weird kinda gross baby shower games and I don’t want to spend my money on them either. Will I seem like the a**hole if I just ignore everything?
I wish them all the best but I just don’t care to participate. I hope they are happy and healthy when delivery comes but keep that stuff away from me please.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
Cake-Tea-Life − Whether or not Y T A really depends on the framing. There is nothing wrong with sending your well wishes in a card or email along with your regrets that you cannot attend. But if you “refuse” to attend and make a big deal about it or if you exude negative energy at any reference to the events, then yes, you will be TA.
allkindsofapples − NAH, of course you are not an AH if you politely decline. But, depending on your workplace, you will probably get a negative reputation for not participating in the festivities. You’ll be seen as anti social or not a team player. So you may need to step up and go out of your way to participate in other workplace team activities.
Reasonable_Tenacity − I’m surprised that showers are held at work during business hours – even if on the lunch hour. That just screams gift grab. Just cheerfully tell the gals, “I can’t join in, but congratulations!” *Never* give a reason why.
LowBalance4404 − NTA. Where are the showers being held? If they are at work, have deadlines, call in sick, have a dr appointment. If they are held elsewhere, you have outside obligations and can’t make it. If someone asks you about a gift, let them know that unfortunately, that’s not in your budget at this time.
Ok_Indication5796 − NTA. I am a teacher and a few years ago this happened at the school where I teach. I was annoyed because only the female teachers had to attend. The male teachers had extra work time to get caught up and I was sitting in these uncomfortable mandatory parties.
I too was in my 30’s no kids and no interest in having any. I had a ton of work one day and just skipped out on the party. It was the end of the day and almost time to go. I wanted to finish my work and leave for the weekend. There wasn’t an rsvp or anything. It was a surprise party during a work day.
A team member came to track me down to get me to go. I asked why I had to attend when none of the men in the building did. Next baby shower they made everyone go, men included. It didn’t get me out of the party, but at least it was fair. Misery loves company!
Meushell − Sounds like NAH. If you don’t want to be involved, you don’t have to be. You should RSVP if that’s an option though…if they need to plan for guests. It’s kind of frustrating to estimate the amount of food to provide when people don’t reply.
Many still show up anyway. I don’t know if that is an issue here. Though if you haven’t been showing up, they should get the hint. It’s NTA if they are harassing you about it, especially if the parties are at other houses. I’m guessing that is the case since you mentioned games.
slendermanismydad − I hate these because I think they’re unprofessional and invasive. I also think it’s trying to force coworkers into relationships that don’t exist. This isn’t a AITA question, it’s more a work question and they might think you’re an a**hole.
elusivemoniker − NTA. ” I respectfully decline” is my go to. My second line of defense if pressed is ” you never know who’s struggling or has struggled with fertility.”
I had to sit through what was supposed to be a mandatory case management meeting turned baby shower and my supervisor looked at me like I was the one with the problem when I brought up how inappropriate this was.
The chefs kiss was that the baby’s father and the only other gentleman who also worked in that department was absent from this mandatory meeting.
Several-Ant-8701 − NTA. Just decline politely and leave it at that. If someone asks why just have a ready reason- already have plans, drs appointment etc.
It’s unlikely but if anyone really bugs you about not going just tell the truth. You are very happy for the expectant parents & wish them all the very best but baby showers are just not your thing.
W4ves01 − NAH, but you should let them know you are not gonna be attending.
Is it unfair to opt out of workplace celebrations that don’t resonate with personal values, or is the user justified in setting boundaries about what they participate in? How do you handle social obligations in a professional setting? Share your thoughts below!
