AITA if I refuse to donate my PTO to a coworker I know will die?

A Reddit user working in healthcare is facing a moral dilemma after a terminally ill coworker, with whom they don’t have a close relationship, has requested donated paid time off (PTO).

While many colleagues have contributed, the user feels uncomfortable doing so, believing the gesture won’t change the inevitable outcome. Now, coworkers are questioning their lack of contribution, leaving the user conflicted about whether they should feel obligated to help in this situation.

‘ AITA if I refuse to donate my PTO to a coworker I know will die?’

I work healthcare and our dept is pretty close knit, not much drama or beef surprisingly. One of our ladies we found out has cancer, docs haven’t given her the absolute certainty she’s terminal yet but I’m sure with her age and comorbidities she’s definitely going to be.

Everyone has been very supportive but we all know where this is going. She and I aren’t very fond of each other but I’m entirely professional and have expressed my feelings of sadness for her situation.

Many of the hospital staff, nearly everyone in our dept has donated paid leave for her to take time off and spend with her family (she used hers regularly and has almost none apparently) and possibly receive treatment, except me.

People have asked why I didn’t and I just don’t want to, I feel like it’s throwing it away for an outcome I’m all but certain will happen. I’m not saving it for any particular reason. People in her “circle” have started talking about how I’m not actually sympathetic to her situation and mumbling little things here and there.

I usually just tell them straight up it’s a waste for me to give it to someone who I don’t believe will give them more time to live, just spend what time you have left with family and friends and be thankful for that. I’m unaware of her financial situation and frankly it doesn’t concern me.

Edit: my employer isn’t making it known who donates, it’s a group of people that started a sign up sheet type thing for her. Probably to be given to her later.

Edit 2: we do have FMLA but it is unpaid. You must burn through a certain amount of PTO days or have none before disability kicks in and it’s only 60% I believe.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

fiestafan73 −  The employer is clearly making this information public so other employees can pressure their peers into doing something the employer should be doing instead. It is shameful we work our whole lives in the US and have to beg for time off and feel badly about it. NTA.

Reden233 −  NTA for not giving her your leave, but YTA for the way you said it. You don’t owe her your PTO. You aren’t obliged to fund her, but it would be a nice thing to do. But you were an AH for saying that’s it’s a waste because you think she’s going to die.

Just because you think she’s going to die doesn’t mean she’s actually for sure going to die. You calling it a waste also makes the remainder of her life seem like a waste. That isn’t kind or true, and people aren’t going to agree with that un-empathetic stance, ESPECIALLY because you work in healthcare.

Calling it “wasteful” also discounts the favor your coworkers are doing by donating. You could have just said you couldn’t donate for financial or personal reasons. Your coworkers don’t need to be involved in your finances, and you could have chosen to not disclose that information or explanation at all and that would be fair. What you said was the worst possible option.

wingeddogs −  Huge YTA. Because you’re intentionally asking the wrong question. No, don’t give up PTO, of course not. But also oh my god you should not be telling everyone how much of a waste you think it is because you think her dying makes her unworthy of your PTO.

Just say you don’t want to. Say anything else. Has anyone taught any of you to decline an ask without being unnecessarily cruel and n**ty about it?

Nerdy-Babygirl −  NTA for not donating because you don’t owe her anything, but the way you talk about it you absolutely do come across as callous and unempathetic to this woman. I wouldn’t be surprised if your coworkers have feelings about that and there’s some fallout. You’re also setting the standard to make sure no one at work does you any favours.

JasminJaded −  Calling it a waste makes you an AH. If you were to say that your PTO is one of the benefits for doing your job, and just like your 401k and medical coverage, you’re keeping it, I’d say NTA.

Just because you have the time doesn’t mean someone else is e**itled to it (whether they’ll be alive in 3 months or not.) Your motivation sucks, but also, it’s no one else’s g**damn business!

Alternative-Pop6452 −  YTA only for sharing the reasons why you don’t want to donate. It would’ve been fine if you said “I may need all my PTO, so I’m not able to donate. Sorry. Had to make a judgment about how it was worthless because the person was going to die was an unnecessary dig.

AlarmingCorner3894 −  First, you work for a s**tty employer. Why are they not stepping up to help her beyond what’s customary? Second, you work for a s**tty employer that would encourage others to give their PTO up for another employee when they should be looking in the employer mirror. Third, you work for a s**tty employer that somehow allows the “public” to know who has and has not given up PTO for another employee.. absolutely NTA.

Active-Anteater1884 −  INFO: <<just spend what time you have left with family and friends and be thankful for that.
But isn’t this exactly why people are donating their time? So your co-worker can work less and have more time for the things that matter to her?

lynnlugg7777 −  YTA. I hope for your sake that you’re never in a similar situation. Compassion seems to be so rare these days.
You couldn’t donate one day? It’s a “waste”? Certainly shows a lot about your character.. Enjoy your PTO.

Plumbus-aficianado −  YTA for your reasons, and your complaints about your coworkers describing your unsympathetic feelings accurately.

If you don’t like them saying that, you should keep your thoughts to yourself, you are essentially telling a bunch of people who chose careers that involve helping sick people you don’t share their values and that is going to cause them to recoil from you.

N T A for not donating because that is a s**tty policy for an employer, common in healthcare because they know their employees want to help people and will accept it.