AITA if I don’t tell my mom about money my aunt is giving me for college?

A 22-year-old woman (22F) is concerned about telling her mom (44F) that her aunt (40F) is giving her money for college. Her mom has struggled financially due to poor money management despite having a good job, and she is sensitive about financial matters.

The woman has been paying for her education on her own and has never asked her mom for help. Recently, her aunt offered to give her a financial gift for school, but the woman fears her mom’s reaction if she tells her. She’s close to her mom but wants to avoid hurting her feelings. read the original story below…

‘ AITA if I don’t tell my mom about money my aunt is giving me for college ?’

So a little backstory, my (22F) mom, 44F, has never really been in a good financial place. This is not due to her not having a good job- she makes bad financial decisions. For example, last year she became debt-free and bought a $20,000 couch with a loan and went on vacation.

Her husband (my step dad) is also this way. He didn’t want to get a job closer to home so they pay for an apartment where we actually works about 4 hours away from their house. She’s also quite sensitive to any monetary topics.

For example, my cousin got a brand new car when we graduated HS and my mom cried for days bc she wasn’t able to provide me that. I told her I was just fine with the car I had.

My aunt, ~40F, and her long term boyfriend recently came into some money and moved into a $900K house with lots of money still left over. My aunt went to the same university that I’m going to now and so I asked her for advice on getting an external loan alone.

This is because my mom and my stepdad have tried to be a cosigner for me and they were both denied. I paid for my Associates and am paying for my Bachelors out of pocket and all by myself. They have never offered or been able to help me.

I have never mentioned this or been ungrateful, I love school. My aunt recently took me to lunch and told me that since they’re in a great place and already got all their Christmas presents for everyone- that she is going to give me her work bonus to use for school.

I don’t know how much it is, but she is a CPA and I know it is at least $1,000. I am very excited and grateful as I only have a year and a half left (with only 12K in student loans so far!) Me and my mom are extremely close and keep no secrets from each other,

but I feel that if I tell her, then she will be happy to my face, but we’ll go home upset. I also don’t want to make my mom feel like I was keeping secrets from her. Would I be the a**hole if I don’t tell her to keep from hurting her feelings? Or maybe telling her down the line instead?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

shoefarts666 −  YWNBTA – ask your aunt if it’s okay to keep it between the two of you.

AttemptNo5042 −  NTA. You’re an adult and it’s none of your irresponsible mother’s business. $20,000 couch?!

Only_Character_8110 −  NTA I understand your urge to tell her but don’t. She is financially illiterate and can’t manage her emotions. Nothing good will come out of telling her.

But if you are not telling her this, you should inform your aunt about this so that she doesn’t accidentally reveal this to your mom.

lmaooooo4444 −  I forgot to mention that I’m also the owner of my mom’s car. She took me to be the co-signer when I was around 20 and they ended up having me sign the buyer paperwork.

I wasn’t aware of this until afterwards. She pays for it but did not make sure she could afford it before we signed papers. I got lucky.

miquiztli76 −  NTA. It’s clear that you care deeply about your mom and value her thoughts, even though you recognize her financial instability. At the same time, it’s important to prioritize your own well-being and independence.

I (30M) graduated around your age, and I’ve also kept financial matters like loans and salary private from my parents since then. It’s a natural step in becoming independent—creating boundaries and managing your own financial situation. You’re doing great by focusing on your education and future!

mumtaz2004 −  I feel like telling your mom about this will somehow lead to more financial irresponsibility on her part. (I am fascinated by the idea of a $20k couch!) Best to keep it to yourself and in doing that, prevent mom from trying to b** money off of your aunt.

LowBalance4404 −  You are 22 years old. You don’t have to share everything. NTA

sudabomb −  NTA. Never tell people like that when you have money.

Due-Show-7250 −  Keep it for yourself. She’s going to be hurt anyway, so it’s better not to tell her and avoid ant potential guilt tripping you. You’re an adult, so keep your financial affairs private.

WrenBird1027 −  NTA. And I’d go to far as to say Y T A to yourself if you so tell her. It’s just going to make both of you feel bad, and not help anything

Is the woman wrong for not telling her mom about the financial help from her aunt, or should she be more upfront? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!