AITA If I change my Wedding RSVP after having a plus one rescinded?

A Redditor is reconsidering their RSVP to a friend’s wedding after their plus-one option was rescinded. Initially, the invitation’s RSVP process allowed them to add a guest, but the bride later clarified they were not permitted to bring one, without offering an apology for the misunderstanding.

The user, who is socially anxious and won’t know anyone else at the wedding, feels uncomfortable attending solo and is unsure if they would still enjoy the event. Would changing their RSVP be inconsiderate or a reasonable decision under the circumstances? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA If I change my Wedding RSVP after having a plus one rescinded?’

I have a friend from college that is getting married in 2 1/2 weeks. I got the invitation for the wedding a week ago, and the invite had a QR code which brought you to their wedding website on the knot. The wedding is on a Friday, is very last minute, and I will have to take time off of work to attend.

I am friends with the Bride from college, and we have one mutual friend who is also invited. The mutual friend that we share, however, is unable to attend the wedding so I will not know anyone at the event aside from the Bride.

When I went to RSVP on the knot it gave me the option to add a plus one. I have never seen this option before without having a plus one invited, so I assumed I was allowed a plus one. I am not in a long term relationship, but because I won’t know anyone at the wedding I asked my friend to attend with me, and added her to my RSVP.

A few days later I got a text from the Bride saying that I don’t have a plus one and shouldn’t have added my friend and that I cannot bring her. She said she still wants me to attend and that I can make friends with the other guests at the wedding even though I don’t know anyone. I’m guessing bride & groom gave me the plus one by mistake but she didn’t say so or apologize for the confusion, just told me that I shouldn’t have added anyone.

I am very socially anxious and am now very nervous about attending the wedding on my own. I get very uncomfortable in situations where I don’t know anyone, and now I don’t really want to use my PTO to attend a last minute wedding where I’m not going to know anyone.

AITA if I change my RSVP to no since I won’t know anyone at the event? I feel trapped because I did technically say I was free when I RSVPd yes, but it was contingent on being able to bring a guest to keep me company.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

East_Parking8340 −  You can absolutely change your mind. Frankly, the lateness of the invite heavily implies that you are a seat filler for others who either cancelled or said no. It’s likely, however, that your relationship with your friend will never (fully) recover – considering you were not a first choice I doubt this will have much impact on your life going forward.. NTA.

Echo_Code −  NTA: The RSVP is more crucial for the reception rather than the ceremony. Your singular “yes” puts you in the headcount for food, alcohol, favors, etc. in addition to a seat for the ceremony. Would you consider attending just the ceremony and skipping the reception as a compromise?

You’d see your friend’s big moment, but not have to deal with 2-4 hours of chit chat and wedding rituals with strangers. If so, you can communicate that to the bride so she can correctly adjust the headcount. You were owed an explanation or apology for the mistaken plus one option. Single friends deserve better in these situations.

WantToBelieveInMagic −  Respond with “I don’t know why you’d give me the option to add a plus one just to complain when I used it. It must have been a mistake of some kind. Anyway, all the confusion aside, since I RSVP’d, something has come up and I’m not able to make it at all. I hope you have a wonderful day, and I’ll be thinking about you.”

PleaseCoffeeMe −  Change your rsvp, don’t bother giving an excuse. You were invited 2 1/2 weeks before the wedding, which means you were a B or C level guest, who only got an invite because not enough A levels decided to attend. If they ask, just say your friend was your transportation. NTA.

[Reddit User] −  No. You’re fine. Just be sure to change your RSVP to no before the due date. If she asks you about it, just answer that you’re really socially anxious. Then don’t engage with any more questions.
You have a perfectly legitimate reason to say no. The rest is gravy.

CandylandCanada −  NTA. This is a shmozzle, and a last-minute one at that. Decline, send best wishes, and be glad that you are out of this.

WittyAndWeird −  With that short of notice it’s likely you didn’t make the cut of the people they really wanted there, and now they’re just looking for people to fill the seats of those who couldn’t make it. If it were me, I’d cancel and just accept that the friendship will probably be over. NTA.

toiletconfession −  Personally I think if you are inviting someone who will a) not know anyone or more than one other person except bride/groom or b) sat at a table of exclusively couples and is the only single then it’s automatic plus one. I get not wanting strangers at your wedding but honestly guest comfort matters to.

My husband hates weddings and as such I tend to attend alone and even at a table of close friends of they are all couples it can get lonely, you end up feeling like a bit of a burden! (I do not expect a plus one if my husband won’t attend fyi it’s just my experience of weddings as a perpetual single! Also my friend invited anothers friends mum as her plus one when it became clear he husband couldn’t attend with her)

CuriousEmphasis7698 −  NTA. You can completely change your mind about attending. Given the last minute nature of the invite it sounds like inviting you might have been an afterthought. Don’t put yourself out to attend an event where you will only know 1 person, who (given that it’s the bride) is not exactly going to be free to keep you company.

purppledolphin −  Oh dear, I asked an old friend to be my +1, she said yes, took time off and now you’ve to go back and tell her she’s not invited. What a shame! Guess you and your friend should go for a spa day and a catch up. Sorry bride, pity about the mix up. Sorted!